


A Triangle in the Woods

by LittleGreenPuppy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Bill Sucks At His Job, Horror Cliches, M/M, Slow Burn, They're All Over 18
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-08-16 19:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8114518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleGreenPuppy/pseuds/LittleGreenPuppy
Summary: Deep in the forests of the mountain lies a haunted plot of land. A cabin that's theorized to be ruled by the most ruthless, terrifying demon that's ever existed on our plane of existence. Only the bravest and stupidest souls ever dare to tread there, and those who already have refuse to even speak of it led alone go back. There's never been a single soul that's made it back fully sane...
And Bill intends to keep it that way, damn it.
No matter how DIFFICULT this stupid group of brats may be, they WILL leave that cabin running and screaming for their lives! Even if Bill has to destroy himself in the process!





	1. Hello, Naughty Children...

**Author's Note:**

> HI EVERYONE
> 
> Welcome to my very first Gravity Falls fanfic! In case for some reason you didn't check the tags that are already there before clicking on this, YES this will be billdip. And in case the tags weren't clear enough cuz I'm terrible at tagging things, YES this will be everything you'd expect from stereotypical horror movie. Only... it's not at all intended to be scary. Kind of like Cabin in the Woods, only instead of... all that happening it's just Bill trying to scare a bunch of kids that are really hard to scare for some reason.
> 
> Also, for anyone who followed along with my previous multichaptered story for Attack on Titan, I will NOT be following an update schedule. I know, I know, how could I, blah, blah, blah. But WHATEVER. I got really tired of not being able to post anything for lack of material so here I am!
> 
> Plus this is only supposed to be like... 10-15 chapters so it's not like there's much chance of me dropping it.
> 
> And for those who haven't followed along with any of my previous stories and don't even know who I am.... welcome to whatever this is. :D
> 
> Now without further ado... let's begin this trainwreck!

There’s an urban legend in town about a cabin deep, deep in the woods. Hidden away by overgrown trees and rocky terrain. It has no history. No one knows where it came from, how it got there, who might’ve built it. Everyone has their own idea about its truth, and you’ll never hear the same theory twice. But there is one that everyone believes.

The cabin is haunted.

Anyone who’s stayed there knows it. Anyone who even goes near it knows it. Even animals know it.

Travelers wave the warnings off, though. Refusing to believe that it could actually be true, and thinking that it’s merely town superstition. Thrill seekers go  _ because  _ of the warnings. Hoping to glimpse or document what goes on inside the cabin.

By the time they come back, few can manage the ability to speak, to recount the horrors of what happened, and no one plans to ever come back…

Which meant Bill was pretty damn good at his job!

Not that anyone should expect anything less from Bill Cipher. He was a demon of unimaginable horror, with nearly all the power of the universe! If he couldn’t frighten a couple of humans, how could he ever call himself such?

Now true, he did manage to…  _ upset  _ someone who  _ may  _ have been powerful enough to trap him in this plot of land for an extended period of time. But that changed nothing!

Bill Cipher was still feared across the world by mortals and non-mortals alike!

And it’s not like Bill couldn’t find a way out of this mess. Just because it could take a while didn’t mean that all hope was lost! It just meant that in the meantime, Bill could entertain himself.

After all, these mortals were far too fun to scare, and they just kept coming! You’d think humans would learn to stay away from an unknown abandoned cabin that’s inhabited by a sociopathic, all powerful demon who’s created atrocities so terrible only the truly strongest of souls could speak of them, but apparently not! Not that Bill was complaining, of course. With as stupid as humans are, Bill could be as scary as he wants and never fear that he’d run out of prey!

The townsfolk can try all they like, but they’re not actually all that good at dissuading travelers. Especially when it actually encourages other humans!

In fact…

Bill rubbed his hands together gleefully.

It would appear that new victims were already on their way up.

**FRIDAY AFTERNOON**

“I don’t understand,” said a kid pacing back and forth. “How do you manage forgetting to pack the tents?” The kid, who Bill was now dubbing as Pine Tree due to the pine tree on his shirt, stopped pacing as he addressed a large man nearby.

“I don’t know, dude! There was a lot of stuff!” the man Bill was dubbing as Question Mark (from both his shirt having a giant question mark on it and not entirely knowing if the man was human or hairless gopher…) said guiltily.

“Yeah, and we were bound to forget something,” a young woman rationalized, taking Question Mark’s side while messing with an axe in her hands. Her red hair and flannel jacket stood out almost comically against the greens of the forest around her. “It’s just the way of taking trips.” Red, Bill’s new name for her, shrugged.

“But the  _ tents _ ?” Pine Tree stressed, near incredulous that no one else was taking this as seriously as he was. “Those are kind of important! Ugh… I knew I should have gone through the list one last time… Where are we going to sleep now?”

A feminine Pine Tree look-a-like (his twin probably) standing next to him in a shooting star sweatshirt gasped. She swept her arms out and up, gesturing to the sky. “We can just sleep under the stars!”

Yeah, if the sweatshirt hadn’t made Bill want to call the girl Shooting Star, that comment would have done it anyway.

“Ew!” The shrill cry sent shivers down Bill’s nonexistent spine. The girl the sound had come from looked absolutely disgusted. Then again, if Bill had been forced to wear that llama sweater, he’d’ve been disgusted too. “You mean on the ground? With dirt and bugs and who knows what else? No thank you,” Llama scoffed with a wave of her hand.

“Not to mention the trees block out all the stars…” Pine Tree mumbled past his pout.

“Maybe we can fashion sticks and our sleeping bags together for makeshift tents?” said a short girl off to the side. She was standing next to… a guy? A girl?

“Great idea, Candy!” it roared in an abnormally deep voice. A few birds scrambled at the sound.

A monster.

“That’s really not a bad idea, you know,” Red pointed out, sounding more and more interested. Which… wasn’t much considering how  _ dis _ interested she was before.

“And then what would we sleep in?” Llama countered, angrily. With her hands on her hips, she sounded more like she was commanding servants than arguing her case.“You don’t honestly expect me to sleep on dirt do you?!”

Pine Tree seemed to be ignoring it all. Though, Bill wasn’t sure how considering how piercing Llama’s cries were. Pine Tree concentrated on his watch. “Damn it… It’s 4:30…. Took us five hours just to get up here… We don’t have time to go back to the car. Which means…” His shoulders dropped and he pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to Llama and saying, “sleeping bag tents or stars? Take your pick.”

Llama gasped. “You can’t be serious!”

“Well, I’m sorry, your highness,” Pine Tree mocked, “but we don’t exactly have any other choice. Unless, of course, you wouldn’t mind hiking five hours back to the car alone and in complete darkness.” He swept his arm towards the path they’d just come from, daring Llama to head back at any moment.

Llama simply glared at Pine Tree.

Sensing trouble, Red stood tall and pocketed her axe. “Look, guys,” she started, hands out defensively while she tried diffusing the situation. “We still have some time before we have to stop and make camp. The sun doesn’t set for a while! The mountain is bound to have some trails around here which could lead to a clearing or maybe even some shelter.”

Shooting Star shook Pine Tree’s shoulder. “Dipper!” Dipper? That was his name? Hah! Pine Tree was  _ way  _ better. “You have the map! Are there any trails nearby?”

Pine Tree heaved a sigh and pulled of his bag to find the map. Now, Bill knew for a fact that there were some trails off to the west that lead to an information center that would no doubt offer some level of shelter. It would only take about two hours… But that was in the exact opposite direction of the cabin! If Pine Tree had a good map (which, considering how prepared this guy apparently liked to be, he probably did) then he’d find the trail, see where it leads, and be a responsible hiker and go there!

Which would totally ruin Bill’s fun!

Hell no. There was no way Bill was gonna let these guys get away that easily!

The group wasn’t on the property and pretty far out of Bill’s range, but they were just close enough that Bill could summon a small gust of wind. Just as Pine Tree had taken the map out.

The map flew from Pine Tree’s hands.

“Oh, shoot!” Pine Tree scrambled after the runaway map. It fluttered with the wind before softly landing on the ground a ways away, and just as Pine Tree was within grasping distance, it would fly away again. Luring them right to the cabin…

“Way to go, Butter Fingers!” Llama called after, struggling to keep up with the group without dirtying herself.

“You know...” Pine Tree panted, “this wouldn’t… have been an issue… if I hadn’t been the only one with a map…”

Bill was tempted to continue watching Pine Tree trip and stumble through the roots and plants, but he had trouble. Red, the apparently competent one of the group, was expertly hurdling the rocks and fallen trees and catching up a little too quickly to the map. Just a few more moments and…

She was in perfect map-grabbing position. Predicting where the map would float next, she leaped for it.

Only for another gust of wind, this time coming from the side, to catch the map and have it somersault around Red and out of reach.

Red fell to the ground. “That’s not possible!” she gasped. “I should have caught it! Why did it…?”

Pine Tree caught up to her just as she was getting up. “It doesn’t matter! You can blame yourself later, but right now we need that map! If we lose it, who knows how long we’ll be up here!”

So close. They were so close! Bill was practically vibrating with excitement.

There was only a few more feet before the map passed the treeline and into the view of the cabin!

At least… it would have been had a hook not come from out of nowhere and caught the edge of the map, pulling it back to the group.

Bill felt his body crumble into pieces. Then he turned to glare at the culprit who ruined his plan.

Shooting Star.

She held her device up proudly. “Grappling hook!”

Both Pine Tree and Red sighed with relief, and made their way back to her and away from the cabin.

Shooting Star waved the grappling hook with a smug grin. “And you thought I was silly for bringing this,” she teased.

Pine Tree rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks for proving me wrong-”

“Again.”

“... fine. Again.” Despite sounding annoyed, Pine Tree gave a soft smile. He carefully pulled the map from the hook, then (damn it all) laid it down with his hands and knees pinning the corners of it to the ground. “Now then… Where are we now…? Candy, you have the GPS device. Where are we?”

While those stupid kids figured out where they were, Bill was hatching up a new plan. Pine Tree wasn’t gonna let that map out of his hands again and there was nothing else light enough to blow away, so wind wasn’t an option anymore. They were close enough that Bill could conjure something to chase them to the cabin… but then there was the risk he’d scare them right past it! He just needed them to find the cabin. That was it! Just a few more meters…

Then something caught Bill’s eye.

He nearly glowed pink.

Pine Tree left his backpack open. Not by much, but just enough for something small to fit through… maybe like a squirrel?

With the entire group focused on the map, no one noticed a squirrel materialize near them and creep closer. The backpack had slipped off of Pine Tree’s shoulder, so he didn’t feel the added weight once the squirrel wiggled it’s way through the opening.

Looking through the squirrel’s eyes, Bill searched. What could he take?

Notebooks, pencil pouch, clothes, water bottle… Those were all too big. There was some food in there, which would be something squirrels would take, but there was no guarantee that Pine Tree would need to get it back. He probably had plenty in reserves, the prepared little bastard. And- oh!

_ That  _ would work!

After all that, it was the jingling of keys that finally made the group look up.

Pine Tree’s eyes widened. “Hey!”

The squirrel, keys in mouth and staring straight at Pine Tree, flicked it’s tail and dashed towards the cabin. Red immediately pursued the thieving animal, and the rest of the group each belatedly followed at varying paces.

Pine Tree groaned and, while standing with his stuff, complained with loud frustration, “What the hell is up with this damn mountain and taking my stuff?!”

Not the mountain. Just Bill.

And if Pine Tree had just stumbled on the cabin himself instead of being a knowledgeable hiker, then Bill wouldn’t have had to take his stuff.

So really this was all Pine Tree’s fault.

Red lead the charge against the squirrel. Not that they had to go far. Red, seeing the thick brush of the treeline up ahead, had the axe in her hand in a split second. Taking only a moment to aim, she flung the axe just as the squirrel disappeared under the foliage.

The axe followed effortlessly and landed on the other side with a ‘thunk’.

Shooting Star stopped following with a jolt and gasped, clearly horrified at the thought of a poor, dead, innocent squirrel. But Red didn’t even flinch.

Pushing her own way through the brush, Red’s eyes locked onto where the axe had landed.

No squirrel.

But the keys laid not too far from the axe.

Red grabbed the keys and the axe, huffing in disappointment. “Damn,” she cursed, softly. “We could have had squirrel for dinner.”

Bill was now really glad they hadn’t been close enough for Bill to make himself look like a squirrel and take the place of the illusioned squirrel he’d had to use.

Because even though none of those humans had seen it, that axe had cut the illusioned squirrel in half before it dissipated. And sure, that wouldn’t have killed Bill. He’s an immortal demon, and that axe is nothing more than an axe. But it still would’ve  _ hurt _ .

Watching the squirrel dissipate had left Bill quite uncomfortable, though.

Red was dangerous.

She might not scare as easily as everyone else. That would mean that she could be some kind of anchor for the others, making  _ them _ harder to scare too. That, and also Bill was kind of a stickler about completion. He couldn’t let them go if one of them wasn’t scared!

Bill’s job just got harder, but at least it was work he enjoyed.

Red’s eyes caught on something, and she paused.

“Hey, guys?” she called, eyes not moving. “You should see this.”

Bill relaxed in relief.

They  _ finally  _ saw the cabin. 

The rest of the group gradually made their own ways past the treeline, each one gasping with wide eyes as they caught sight of the cabin.

“This is  _ so _ much better than the dirt,” Llama said, nearly in tears.

Pine Tree, the last to make it through, frowned. “Huh… the map didn’t say anything about a cabin...”

“Who cares?!” Llama cut off, absolutely ecstatic. “This cabin will be perfect for us! It’s not falling apart, it probably has enough room for all of us, and  _ it’s not dirt _ .”

“Yeah, but someone probably owns this if it’s not falling apart,” Red pointed out, arms crossing over her chest. “And I’m not sure they’d be too happy about a bunch of strangers crashing there.”

Don’t worry. Bill checked with the owner and the owner said GET IN THERE ALREADY.

Pine Tree mimicked Red’s stance and said with a huff, “Besides, this ‘cabin’ looks more like some rich person’s lodge. Like something you’d own, to be honest.”

“Even better!” Not even Party Pooper Pine Tree could bring Llama down now. She stared longingly at the cabin. If Bill looked closely he might’ve been able to see hearts in her eyes. “That just means that there will be top of the line and  _ modern _ appliances. No gathering wood and cooking over an open fire!”

At that sudden realization, Llama bound straight for the cabin.

“She knew that she had a choice not to go camping, right?” Red whispered not so subtly to Question Mark. Question Mark just shrugged.

Party Pooper Pine Tree caught Llama’s arm though before she could get too far away. “And that also means that they’ll probably be even more pissed that we stayed here!” he chided to her.

Llama rolled her eyes and peeled Pine Tree’s hand from her arm. “Hey, if you want to try and find some better place to stay, not likely, then you go ahead and do that. But in the meantime,” Llama backed away towards the cabin as she spoke, “ _ I’ll _ be settling in for the night and see if I can draw up a nice, hot bath for myself in this fantastic cabin!” Then she darted for the cabin door.

Pine Tree reached out for her in vain frustration, muttering under his breath. Shooting Star snuck up beside him carefully. She set a gentle hand on his shoulder biting her lip.

“Bro, you know…” she started cautiously, knowing what she was about to say would more than likely piss her brother off, “she does have a point.”

Pine Tree predictably rolled his eyes. “Thanks for taking her side.”

“I mean it! We don’t exactly have that many options-”

“And,” Red interjected reluctantly, “the options we do have include exposing ourselves to the elements and wild animals.” Of which there were plenty up on the mountain. Bill would know.

“Or trying to find some place else that might not even exist...” Question Mark rubbed the back of his head guiltily. 

“You, too?!” Pine Tree gasped in utter betrayal at Red and Question Mark. Then his shoulders dropped in defeat as he saw Monster & Friend™ sheepishly agreeing.

Pine Tree was painfully out numbered, and Bill found that hysterical.

Red sighed, taking on a comforting persona. “While I may not agree with Pacifica’s reasons, this is the best of our current options.” She offered Pine Tree a soft smile, which Pine Tree winced at.

He then risked a glance towards Shooting Star, who started giving him puppy dog eyes while whispering “pretty please” over and over again. Pine Tree shut his eyes and sighed. “Well… At the very least we can stay until we’ve thought about our other options, and if the owners catch us then we can just explain the situation…”

“Yes!” Shooting Star and Question Mark jumped in cheer, and bounded straight for the cabin. The rest of the group following behind. Red lagged until she was next to Pine Tree and ruffled his hair in a sort of apology. Pine Tree brushed the hand off, but smiled nonetheless.

Bill silently cheered with along with Shooting Star and Question Mark all the while.

Leading them to the cabin didn’t necessarily mean that they would stay there, after all. If Llama hadn’t been such a pampered princess, they might have found some other place to stay that didn’t impede on Pine Tree’s and Red’s “moral grounds”.

Pine Tree… Hmmph. That Pine Tree was going to be a tough nut to crack, what with his  _ logic _ and  _ reasoning _ . He was so cautious too! Such stupid traits to have… Especially in terrifying situations. Which is exactly the situation they were being lead into! 

Obviously, Pine Tree and Red were high up on Bill’s scaring list. They were clearly the grounded ones of the group, and so long as they were grounded the group would hold onto them for support and be less easy to scare. But if the minute they’re ripped from the ground, the rest of the group would follow along. Screaming right along with them.

You know, so long as they were the only two who’d give Bill trouble. But in a large group like this, it wasn’t likely there’d be any more tough nuts.

Finally, Pine Tree and Red made it inside the cabin. Meaning everyone was now inside and, unbeknownst to them, trapped for the worst time of their lives.

Bill rubbed his hands together eagerly.

Time to get to work.


	2. ...It's Decision Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned to have this up sooner, but my beta(ish) reader took forever to beta this until she finally decided "You know what, just post it already! Who knows when I'll get to this!" So if at some point in the chapter, you find there's a distinct change in quality, that would be where she stopped beta reading XD
> 
> This is what happens when you get your friends to be your beta readers, kids.
> 
> If there are any mistakes, I'll go back and change them when I get the chance. But until then, please enjoy! Hopefully it won't take as long to post the next chapter.
> 
> "Beta'd" by the ever so reliable: PBnSpots (both on tumblr and on ao3 if you wanna follow her for some reason (her words not mine I swear))
> 
> Also, I just wanna thank you all so much for the response this fic got for its first chapter! Like... I WAS NOT PREPARED. I'm glad you all are looking forward to seeing where this goes and hope you stay to the end!

Okay, so maybe Bill wouldn’t be getting to work just yet.

The humans made it inside and were settling down, but all at different paces. They weren’t entirely sure about staying there yet, and if Bill just up and terrified them now they’d run away before any of the  _ real _ fun began!

Besides, Bill needed to set the scene. Create the  _ atmosphere _ . Start it off  _ slow _ …

He needed to let them get nice and comfortable before turning this place into the horror show it was supposed to be.

So for the moment, Bill wouldn’t do anything.

As for the group…

Llama was somewhere exploring the house, probably to find a bathtub, and after Shooting Star went in she wasted no time in chasing after her. All the while Pine Tree settled into the middle of the main living room on the floor. Not really comfortable, but it would give him plenty of space to lay out the map and supplies. Red stood nearby while Question Mark planted himself right next to Pine Tree.

Monster & Friend™ were… eh, Bill stopped caring. He was more curious about what the hell Pine Tree was planning.

“Alright, let’s see, let’s see…” Pine Tree mumbled around a pen hanging out of his mouth. “There’s only one clearing anywhere near where we were before… so that’s probably where we are now and…” He stopped, tilting his head to the side. “Huh…”

“What is it?” Red asked, leaning over to see the map herself.

“Well…” Pine Tree slipped the pen from his mouth, pointing it at the clearing on the map. “It’s just that according to the map, there should be nothing here. It’s not labeled as anything, there’s no symbol for a building, it’s just… empty.”

“Weird,” Red commented. She studied the map closely. “The map isn’t out of date, is it?”

“Maybe it’s a new construction!” Question Mark offered with a gasp.

Pine Tree shook his head, still trying to think of a possible explanation. “This map is the newest edition I could find, and even if this was a new construction, which… it really doesn’t look  _ that _ new, there are no roads or trails leading up to it. I mean, whoever built this place must’ve gotten the materials up here  _ somehow _ .”

Bill just materialized the cabin. No supplies needed.

“And yet… there’s nothing suggesting supplies could even be brought up here.” Pine Tree leaned back on his hands and glared at the map.

Question Mark shrugged. “Maybe it’s been here for a long, long,  _ long _ time and the people who own it didn’t want people knowing it existed?”

Bill almost laughed at that.

“But then wouldn’t this be labeled as private property or something? Or wouldn’t it be fenced in with a ‘No Trespassing’ sign on it?” But that would keep travelers  _ out _ . Bill wanted them  _ in _ .

Finally, Red stood up straight, crossing her arms as she did. “Dipper’s right, this doesn’t really add up,” she declared, frowning. Any willingness to stay she’d had before was drowned out by the fresh waves of suspicion.

Bill huffed, flashing red briefly.

WHO CARES? Ugh! What is with this stupid group of kids and not being stupid?! Why can’t they be like normal people and not question some random, uninhabited, apparently nonexistent cabin in the woods?!

‘ _ It doesn’t add up~! _ ’ YOU DON’T ADD UP! Fuck these kids!

“Is there anywhere else nearby?” Red asked, no doubt wanted to get out of this cabin now at any cost.

Oh no.

“Lemme check.”

No.

No, no, no, no, NO! They can’t leave yet! Bill hasn’t even scared  _ one  _ of these brats yet! If they tried to leave now before they even had a chance to settle down and get comfortable, Bill would have to speed up the process! He’d have to lock them in, maybe cut the power. But these observant assholes would put their guards up, prepare themselves for anything, and when people are prepared for something  _ they’re near impossible to scare _ !!

Bill can’t let that happen.

Thinking quickly, Bill searched for anything he could use. Anything that wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary to happen.

Distracting them would probably work, but they’d have to be distracted at least until dark so they’d be forced to stay like responsible hikers (for once that would work  _ with _ Bill instead of against him). But that wouldn’t be for hours. Bill would have to most likely destroy the map, just for safe measures.

And the chandelier hanging above Pine Tree, Red, and Question Mark would have to work.

Sure the lights were  _ electric _ and not actual fire, but if one of the bulbs just so happened to blow a fuse and explode… well that could create sparks.

Sparks that could catch something on fire.

Bill focused on one of the lights. It flickered and crackled, the chandelier shaking just slightly from the force of it. And then…

“Oh hey, there’s a trail not too far from here!”

The light stopped flickering. The chandelier stilled.

Bill wasn’t quick enough.

“Really? Great!” Red sighed in relief.

Bill’s body crumbled to pieces for the second time that afternoon. This time though, he just let himself lie there instead of piecing himself back together. He didn’t want to watch his prey be  _ smart _ .

...he’d still listen though.

“The trail leads down to an information center too.” Pine Tree said, probably pointing the trail out with his finger. “With a little park nearby!”

A park? Huh. Apparently Bill hasn’t checked that area out recently. He’ll have to do that later. You know, when he wasn’t sulking or trying to scare a group of kids.

“That’s bound to have someplace we could use for shelter!” Red was just  _ so happy _ about leaving… ugh. Sickening.

“Well… maybe.” Pine Tree said a little reluctantly. “It could just be a bunch of signs about the area and not an  _ actual _ building.”

“And what if it’s closed when we get there?” Bill could hear Question Mark shuffling nervously.

“Then we break in!” Red exclaimed. Question Mark let out a little ‘oof’ as Red probably shoved him playfully. “Duh. You think no one here knows how to pick a lock?”

But Question Mark wasn’t having it. “We could get in trouble if we’re found! Besides! Dipper was right, what if there’s not even a building there?”

“Then let’s go check it out and see if that place will work better than this one. If not,” Red sighed, resigned, “we’ll stay here.”

“I don’t know…” Bill perked up a bit at Pine Tree’s dejected tone. He pieced himself back together slowly, hopefully, as Pine Tree continued. “These trails are rather long… from what it looks like, the information center is about half the distance of where we are now to where we parked the car. Meaning to could take us… two to three hours just to get there…  _ if _ we can get Pacifica out of here, that is. Meaning it’ll probably be around seven or eight when we get there and already dark.”

The joy fell right from Red’s face as the realization set in. “And since we’ve already decided travelling at night is a bad idea…”

Pine Tree nodded, an equally grim look on his face. “It’s either stay here or risk the information center… and we’ve gotta chose now.”

Red sighed. “I’ll go get everyone else, and we can discuss it.” Her shoulders dropped, but she still stood tall as she left to find the others.

Pine Tree and Question Mark stayed by the map, contemplating it in mutual silence.

And Bill let out a sigh of relief.

Okay, so maybe he’d overreacted a bit. Of course Pine Tree wouldn’t have wanted to leave! Or rather… he wouldn’t’ve wanted to risk leaving if he wasn’t absolutely sure there was someplace better.

He was a  _ responsible _ hiker, and therefore knew better than to travel at night in strange forests and mountains and definitely knew better than to assume some place would have shelter! Besides, there’s no way Llama would even consider leaving this lap of luxury on a  _ possibility _ of other shelter. She needed guarantees.

Bill straightened his bowtie and relaxed.

He needn’t have worried.

There’s no way anyone is leaving this cabin tonight.

* * *

 

“So here’s the situation,” Pine Tree started off now that the whole group had met up in the main room. “We’ve got two options. We could either stay here or go for the information center about three hours away without stopping. It’s kind of a one or the other sort of decision too, since it would already be dark by the time we got to the information center too. So no checking it out and coming back.”

Llama, unsurprisingly, was the first to respond. “Does the information center have shelter,” she asked.

Pine Tree and Red shared a look. “…We’re not sure.”

“Food?”

“We’re not sure.”

“Anything?”

“We’re not sure…”

Llama gave them both a look, hands on her hips. “But if we go check it out, we have to stay there? Even if we don’t know if it has anything we need?”

Pine Tree grimaced. He knew exactly what was going to happen next. “…Yeah, basically.”

“Then why is this even a question?!” Llama cried out, exasperated. “Stay  _ here _ !”

Red rolled her eyes. “We knew that’d be  _ your  _ answer. The question is for everyone else who isn’t as predictable as you.”

“Well… Why wouldn’t we stay here?” Shooting Star asked.

Bill could think of multiple reasons. Himself being one of them.

“One,” Pine Tree counted the reasons out on his fingers, “we don’t know who owns this place and could get in serious trouble if the owners catch us here. Two, according to the maps and logic,” fuck logic, “this building shouldn’t even exist. And three… I…” He faltered and became more self conscious, wringing his hands together. “I just feel weird about staying in someone else’s house.”

Pine Tree was lying. Not entirely, but Bill knew for a fact the weird feeling had nothing to do with staying in someone else’s house. Pine Tree frustratingly knew this place wasn’t right. He just didn’t want to say so out of fear of looking like some kind of freak.

Bill had seen scenes like this before. Someone refusing to say something so as not to be seen as some paranoid psychotic off their meds.

Classic.

Llama shook her head, then glared at Pine Tree like he was the biggest idiot in existence. “Well, one, this isn’t Texas and I highly doubt any hillbillies or country hicks own this cabin, I mean… come on. Look at this place!  _ I _ like it! So yeah, I don’t think we’re going to encounter any owners who’re the ‘shoot first ask questions later’ type with an emphasis on shoot. Two, maps don’t have every single building that exists on them, so this place was probably just missed like a whole lot of other cabins that aren’t on maps. And three, points one and two outweigh whatever weird feelings only you seem to have about this place.”

FINALLY! Someone without sense! Bill was starting to think everyone in this stupid group was smart…

“...She does have a point,” Shooting Star muttered off to the side.

“Three, technically,” Question Mark added, nudging Shooting Star with a fat elbow. They shared a quiet laugh.

Llama continued with her rant, oblivious. “And I’m not  _ just _ saying all this because I prefer to live in luxury, though that is a pretty big part of it.” At least she could admit that. “ _ Logically _ , this is the best decision. And you know it! The only reason you’re not saying it is because of your ‘weird feeling’.”

Pine Tree took a deep, deep breath, pursing his lips up into a frown for a moment. Whatever Llama had said really struck with him.

Finally, Pine Tree sighed and his shoulders drooped. He met Llama’s glare with a resigned yet still miffed look before saying, “You’re right. Staying here is the best decision.”

“Are you sure?” Red asked worriedly.

“Yeah,” Pine Tree said with assurance. He was finally accepting the lot they were given (haha real estate pun) in this trip. “I mean, we already know this place exists and that it gives us shelter. If we tried to go to the information center, we wouldn’t get a chance to stop and eat, we might not even find shelter there, and we wouldn’t be able to come back here if there wasn’t shelter. Not to mention we’d have to deal with Pacifica’s griping the entire time. Plus, it’s really not likely that we’ll get shot or arrested for staying here if we get caught. So… yeah. The pros far outweigh the cons here.”

Pine Tree gave Red a reassuring smile, and Bill cheered.

There wasn’t even a  _ hint  _ of resignation or reluctance. Pine Tree was now completely and 100% on board with staying in the cabin! After all that rationalizing, he finally cracked! Not even the weird feeling he had was getting in the way! He probably rationalized himself through that too. Probably figured he could just deal with whatever happened as it came.

What an  _ idiot _ .

And! Now that Pine Tree was on board, Red, the only other one in the group who felt that weird feeling and would be a threat to Bill, would get on board too! Probably thinking that if Pine Tree thought it was okay then everything would be fine!

It was so nice when things went Bill’s way… 

Llama puffed her chest smugly. “You know, you should really say I’m right more often.”

Pine Tree rolled his eyes with a sarcastic huff of a laugh. “Maybe if you were right more, I would.”

“Okay!” Red interjected a bit too loudly, so as to stop whatever ensuing argument was bound to start between Pine Tree and Llama. “So… now that we know we’re staying here… where are we going to sleep?”

Shooting Star jump started a bit at the question. “Oh! Pacifica and I checked out all the rooms upstairs! There’s six bedrooms in total, but uh… one of them is kind of… Shooting Star made a face. “Dirty.”

“Dirty how?” Pine Tree asked.

“Like… cobwebs and dust and dirt and like no one had stepped foot in it for years.”

Oops. Did Bill forget to clean that up from last time? Oh well.

“So…” Pine Tree thought it over in his head, doing the math. Then said with a shrug, “Looks like some of us will have to share a room.”

Monster was surprisingly the one to speak up first. “Candy and I were already going to share a tent. Now we can share a room!”

Monster & Friend™ hugged before simultaneously shouting, “SLEEPOVER!”

“Alright, there’s one double room out of the way.”

Shooting Star shot her hand into the air. “I’ll share with Pacifica!” The group looked at her. “What? Like anyone else was going to?”

Shooting Star was either an incredibly brave and selfless person, or she and Llama  _ really _ liked each other. Most likely the first one.

Still, Pine Tree shrugged with indifference. “And that’s two.”

Great!

Bill leaned back, relaxing in triumph.

He managed to find his prey, lure them to the cabin,  _ and _ keep them there with hardly any interference! Even with Pine Tree and Red being  _ responsible _ . And now…!

Now… came the boring part, really.

After all, setting the scene was slow business. A moan here, a disembodied voice there, but nothing big enough to really catch attention. And even when Bill would get to start making louder, more attention grabbing sounds, he’d have to make the change as gradual as possible so they wouldn’t suspect anything.

But as slow as this is all going to be… it’ll all be worth it in the end.

Bill took one last glance at the group.

They were all apparently still talking, but from their body language it was clear they wouldn’t be for long. Llama still had to take her bath after all. And the others probably wanted to settle down in their own ways.

Bill waited until the conversation was most likely on the last sentence.

Then with barely even a wave of his hand, the floorboards on the other side of the room creaked slightly. Sort of in that house-settling way. Hardly noticeable.

...And yet.

Nearly every single human in the group acknowledged the noise in some way. Pine Tree, Red, and Shooting Star all turned towards the noise. Monster and Friend™ reacted to the others reacting. And Pacifica gave a brief side glance in the noise’s direction.

The only one who didn’t react was Question Mark.

Bill waited with baited breath. Surely… surely they didn’t actually hear the creak… It was hardly even loud!

Pine Tree sighed, then went back to glaring at Llama. “If anything happens while we’re here, I’m blaming you.”

“You sure know how to take the fun out of everything.” Llama rolled her eyes. Shooting Star nodded to herself in silent understanding.

Bill relaxed and rolled his eye. That was pretty close. Everything with this group was, really. It pissed him off. Still, they didn’t really suspect anything, and that could be counted as a win for now.

Then, Llama twirled around to head back upstairs and, undoubtedly, to the master bath.

Pine Tree frowned as he watched her go. No doubt there was probably some deep seeded hatred between them. Bill didn’t know what it was from, but he bet the story behind it was probably entertaining. Not to mention he could totally pit them against each other later on. Split the group apart with their bickering.

That’ll be fun.

Shooting Star, seeing the distaste on Pine Tree’s face, gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’ll go keep an eye on her,” she said. “And don’t worry, I’ll be sure to take Grenda and Candy with me so she won’t have too much fun.”

“Good.”

“Come on, girls! Let’s go get our spa on!” Shooting Star cried, jumping in the air before running to the stairs. Monster and Friend™ made their own little screams before following.

Red shook her head a little. “You know,” she started, catching Pine Tree’s attention. “When I heard Mabel was going to invite Pacifica on our trip, I was so sure Pacifica was just going to laugh in her face.”

“Oh, she did,” Pine Tree said with a little smile. “But Mabel took it as an affirmative and before Pacifica knew it, her bags were packed and she was cramped into the back of the truck on her way to the big bad wilderness.”

“There’s no saying ‘no’ to Mabel...” Red laughed quietly.

Pine Tree smiled fondly, mimicking her laugh. “No. No there isn’t.”

There was a moment of silence between them before Red asked, “...You think we’ll be okay here?”

Pine Tree sighed. “We can handle any possible worst case scenario I can think of.” Too bad he didn’t think of Bill. “We should be fine.” It kind of sounded like Pine Tree was still trying to convince himself of that, but there was no turning back now.

Red seemed to accept the answer. That seemed like the last anyone would talk about leaving or staying.

Good.

And so, Red hummed, thinking about something. “Hmm… Well, we’ve probably got an hour, hour and a half until sunset. We should probably start gathering wood for a fire.”

Pine Tree nodded. “Yeah… we’ve still got some of the fish from breakfast right? You know, stuff we didn’t cook and eat?”

“We caught a salmon and a trout. Yeah, I think we’ve still got some,” Red laughed.

“Can confirm!” Question Mark shouted while looking into a cooler. “We’ve still got fish!”

“Sweet!” Pine Tree, for once it seemed like, actually fully smiled. “So we just need to get firewood and make a fire… And we don’t even need to gut or scale them this time around!”

Red suddenly laughed. “Remember Pacifica’s face when she saw the live fish and we told her we’d have to kill and gut it?”

Pine Tree grinned. “Remember Mabel’s?”

Both of them burst out laughing at the memory.

Bill huffed. He hated being left out of a joke… no matter what joke it was.

Even Question Mark was laughing! He pulled out a fish head and started moving its mouth.

“Maaaabeeeeeel!” Question Mark said in a high pitched, funny voice that matched the opening and closing of the fish’s mouth. “You gotta eaaaaat meeeeee! I’m delicioooooooooous!”

That only made Pine Tree and Red laugh harder.

Stupid inside jokes.

“Okay, okay,” Pine Tree managed between dying laughs. “How about Wendy and I go gather some firewood and you can set up a fire outside somewhere?”

Question Mark gave an affirmative thumbs up. “Sure thing, dude!”

Bill watched Pine Tree and Red closely as they left. It was still a little concerning for Bill, that they were leaving the property. Even if they’d already agreed to stay, just the idea of them not being there bothered him. He didn’t have as much power over them out here, after all.

But… It wasn’t all that interesting.

For the first few minutes they made that boring small talk in between giggling about that stupid inside joke that Bill didn’t understand while they walked out into the woods. After those few minutes, they chose a spot and started collecting, piling the wood into a pile on the ground.

Red chopped up logs with her axe while Pine Tree gathered sticks and twigs.

Figured.

“Man,” Red started off, pausing just a moment to chop a log, “It’s been awhile since it’s been just you and me.”

“Yeah,” Pine Tree agreed. His noodly arms were overflowing with sticks already. “Usually there’s always someone else around like Mabel or Soos or Robby.” He dropped the sticks next to the log pile and sat down on a nearby stump. “It’s nice to have just some time between us.”

Oh, gross. Were they gonna kiss or something? Bill was  _ not _ here for that.

Like, even if watching humans kiss wasn’t gross to Bill… just… Pine Tree and Red? Nuh uh. Couldn’t see it. Red was way out of Pine Tree’s league.

“Especially since we haven’t had even one movie night,” Red pointed out. Chop.

“Ugh! We used to have movie nights all the time! Now I’m just binging Netflix on my bed...”

...Net- _ huh _ ??

Damn it! Bill’s been stuck here for far too long! He doesn’t know enough about modern life anymore! And he’s supposed to know everything!

Red smirked suggestively. “With anyone in particular?” Chop.

Pine Tree snorted with less amusement than would be expected. “Yeah. Me.”

“Still nothing?” Red asked. Her brow furrowed in sympathy.

“Nothing,” Pine Tree confirmed. “You would think being bi would double my chances at romance, but all it does is double the rejection.” He let out a miserable sigh. “Maybe I’m just not meant to be with anyone…”

Oh. Good. They weren’t dating. Less grossness for Bill!

“Stop it,” Red demanded, pausing in her chopping. “You’re only 19. Just forget about trying to find love for now. Focus on school and life.”

Pine Tree’s laugh was devoid of humor. “Tell me that again when I’m the star of the 40 Year Old Virgin remake.”

“Look.” Red stuck her axe into a tree trunk, then crossed her arms over her chest while half glaring at Pine Tree. “If  _ Soos  _ can get a long term girlfriend in less than a week, you can at the very least get laid before you’re 40.”

Soos… was that one of the other humans in the group? Bill kept forgetting their real names.

“I don’t just want to get laid! I…” Pine Tree trailed off for a moment, sighing. “I want a  _ relationship _ . Someone who-”

Aaaand Bill was done.

He didn’t need to hear any more about Pine Tree’s relationship problems.

Ugh… Bill thought following Red and Pine Tree would be entertaining, but now he just felt gross and nauseated… and like he should be watching cheesy romances while shoveling down fudgy chocolate chunk ice cream and getting drunk on margaritas.

How depressing.

Meanwhile, there were a bunch of unsuspecting victims just waiting for the horror ambiance!

Pine Tree and Red had been fun up until now, but it was time he shift his attention to something more entertaining. Like a whole cabin full of idiots who would be much more susceptible to his horror ambiance now that their precious rocks weren’t there to keep them grounded…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill doesn't ship WenDip, but he's like... lowkey shipping Mabifica and Grendy.
> 
> For anyone who's wondering, yes there are salmon and trout in the area in which they're hiking/camping, yes they should be in season, yes one of them has a fishing license, and no I have no idea how likely it is that they'd catch both a salmon and a trout. I got about halfway through the unnecessary research before getting distracted by actually writing the damn chapter... How terrible of me, right?
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	3. ...It's Scary Story Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured Scares:  
>  The Warmth of Fall, Benevolence, Washing Your Hands, and Blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That feel when you try to get this done sooner than the last chapter but your life becomes absolute mayhem and it comes out even later than last chapter. XD I can’t even blame my beta reader this time cuz it was all my fault. But hey! At least I made a fantastic brisket and ran a half marathon!
> 
> Anyway, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! ENJOY THIS LOVELY CHAPTER OF A STORY!
> 
> Beta’d by the ever wonderful PBnSpots

**FRIDAY NIGHT**

It must’ve been about half an hour, maybe full hour, before Red and Pine Tree had come back with the load of wood. They’d been productive. It took more than a few trips of overflowing arms to get all the wood back. And during that time, Bill had been…  _ trying _ to be productive.

Now, to be fair, it was still early in the night, and it’s not like Bill really did  _ that _ much to try and scare them but for FUCK’S SAKE do these girls care at all?!

Sure noises like creaks and groans can be brushed off rather easily but Bill left a  _ fucking hand print _ in the condensation on the glass! NONE OF THEM QUESTIONED IT. Even with the fact that clearly  _ none _ of them could have made it, even by accident! Bill only has four fingers in his natural form!

And for fuck’s sake Bill even turned the faucet on and off at least three times.

And know what they said about it?

“Do you think the owners of the house will be mad if we use too much water?” and then, “Way to channel your brother there.”

_ THAT’S IT _ .

Bill took deep, calming breaths.

The night was still young. There was still plenty to do. Bill had the time and the strategies still to send them running. And he supposed he  _ had _ been a little impatient by adding in the poltergeist activity ahead of schedule… which may have been counterproductive to the whole “setting the atmosphere” thing.

He just had to be patient… 

…Ugh, he  _ hated  _ being patient. This was totally gonna suck for the next couple hours.

And, because Bill was totally not sulking at all, he ended up missing whatever those kids had done for the last like… ten minutes or so. But when Bill checked back in again, he found them huddling by a fire outside in the back. With the fire, their layered autumn clothes, and the setting sun casting a red-orange tone, the scene felt very warm.

And they were probably enjoying it too.

Yuck.

They started handing out fish portions to cook over the fire. They’d be warm and happy. Soon to be full and content too while they enjoyed each other’s company. And they were outside too… 

Bill sighed and settled himself down for the moment. This wouldn’t be a good time to start up the noises again. They’re  _ too _ comfortable.

Oh well. Bill wasn’t going to worry about it this time.

It would at least give him time to set things up in the cabin while no one could stumble upon it or interrupt him. And he could watch them in the meantime. After all, the more he understood them the easier it’d be to scare them.

“Mabel…” Llama whined, leaning towards Shooting Star and catching Bill’s attention. “How am I supposed to cook this?”

“Oh come on!” Shooting Star said with an encouraging smile. “I showed you how to do it earlier today!”

Llama rolled her eyes and said with a slightly condescending tone. “Yeah, but that was earlier today. It’s been too long. I think you should show me again.”

Shooting Star sighed, taking the fish from Llama. “Oh fine, but this time pay attention!”

Llama nodded as she leaned back and inspected her nails. “I won’t take my eyes off you.”

Pine Tree huffed and leaned over to Shooting Star. “You know she’s just saying that so you’ll make her fish for you right?”

“I know.” Shooting Star met Pine Tree with a knowing smile. “But really you should be thanking me. I’m really taking one for the team! I mean, if she had to make her  _ own _ food then you’d have to listen to her complain and whine and cry the whole time. And when she finally burned or undercooked her fish too much, she’d just try to bum off everyone else.”

Pine Tree gave a small laugh. “You’re a true angel,” he joked.

Was it just Bill, or did no one really seem to like Llama all that much? Really! They loved making fun of her!

Then again, it’s not like Llama seemed to mind for some reason.

Bill wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a more sarcastic group of friends. Was this the new norm for humans? Sarcastic relationships?

Well, whatever.

Bill had setting up to do, and he really didn’t think he’d get much more from watching them eat.

He stretched his arms, hands interlocked in front of him to crack his knuckles at the same time. And with one last glance to the annoyingly happy group of humans, Bill turned to the empty cabin.

Time to work.

* * *

 

Bill looked around the cabin, then nodded to himself.

The differences were subtle but noticeable. Not enough to be immediately pointed out, but just enough to tell that something was off.

Perfect.

And when those kids come back in, Bill would be able to kick it up a notch!

Instead of regular house settling noises, Bill will be able to move on to…  _ disembodied noises _ .

…Okay, yeah, so maybe it wasn’t a  _ full _ notch, but hell it was better than nothing! He couldn’t speed ahead like he had earlier. Jumping too far ahead was  _ clearly _ detrimental to achieving the end goal.

Not to mention he still needed to observe each individual human in order to understand which fears to play on the most. And that could take hours.

...Speaking of which, maybe it was time for Bill to go back and check on those humans.

Surely they were done eating by now.

Giving the cabin one last once over, Bill turned his attention back to the group.

Luckily, Bill was right. They were done eating and had even already finished their dessert. What was it called again…? Some Sa Moores? Bill didn’t know why, but for some reason he’d always wanted to try them. There was just something about burnt sugar fluff that he found particularly intriguing. Especially when humans seemed to like it so much, despite usually hating burnt food.

But… damn, they were already done with them? Roasted, assembled, and eaten? And Bill missed it because he’d put so much effort into small, nearly unnoticeable details that were only there to set the scene rather than to directly scare the group?

Damn…

...Bill really took his work seriously! HAH! No wonder he was so much better at this than anyone else!

Bill glowed bright with pride, then settled down to watch them. No doubt they’d be coming back inside soon, and Bil was going to be ready when they did.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Red called out over the group’s laughter. Bill missed whatever had been so funny. Damn it. “Now it’s time…” Red brought a lit flashlight under her face, “for  _ scary stories _ !  _ Oooooo~ _ !”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Bill’s glow faded. Great, now they’d be out there for who knows how long. Well… at least they’d be scaring themselves for Bill while they stayed outside. Kind of took the fun out of Bill’s job though…

Llama surprisingly raised her hand first. “I’ve got a pretty terrifying story to tell,” she announced smugly.

“If it’s your family’s history, we already know it,” Pine Tree said in a deadened tone. The group laughed.

“No, it’s not that.” Llama glared at Pine Tree while she took the flightlight from Red. “Just shut up and listen. I think you’ll actually like this story.” Sitting back down in her spot, Llama brought the light under her face as Red had done, and started her story… “Once upon a time… there was a wonderful girl who had done no wrong. Benevolent and loving, this girl befriended her village’s lowlifes. The lowlifes were overjoyed, and welcomed the girl into their group. And for the girl… all was well.” Llama’s face grew grim. “But then… her new friends betrayed her. Their warm smiled turned to cold, wicked grins. They kidnapped her from her family, dragged her out into the woods, and…  _ made her go camping with them _ !”

“Boo!” the rest of the group chorused. Though, they all had smiles on their faces. Including Llama.

Pine Tree, the only one who had surprisingly not booed, held his hands up. “Hey now! There’s no need to boo. I, for one, actually like that story very much.” He grinned. “My favorite part was when Pacifica called herself ‘benevolent and loving’. Truly a terrifying thought.”

Llama smirked. “See, I knew you’d like it.”

Shooting Star scoffed, then stole the flashlight from Llama. “Okay, now for a  _ real _ scary story. And this is 100% true. I should know.” Her voice dropped low, face as serious as Bill had ever seen it. “It happened to me...”

The rest of the group sobered, and settled in for the tale.

Shooting Star stuck the flashlight under her face. “Last summer, I was cleaning one of the back show rooms of the Mystery Shack. The tourists had all gone on a tour of the woods… and I was alone. But when I finished dusting off the last display, I turned around and found a man standing behind me. He asked me some questions about the displays… some questions about myself. We had talked like that for a few minutes when I heard Stan come back with the tour group. I looked over to the gift shop when I did, but when I looked back… he was gone.”

Now this was a good story. The group was on the edge of their seats. Pine Tree nodded along solemnly with the story. He was probably there when it happened or something.

Shooting Star let out a shaky sigh, then continued. “I asked around to see if anyone had seen him or knew him… but no one had. Not even Dipper, who’d been in the next room that entire time.”

Called it.

“For the next three days, that guy would show up. Every time it was when we were alone. And yet. Still, no one but me saw him. Four days after the first encounter, I met a girl in town. A tourist. As we talked, I noticed the guy walking down the street! Quickly, I asked the girl if she’d seen him too. Hoping…  _ praying _ that I hadn’t been the only one! She had...”

The group hung onto her every word. Bill, even, was getting sucked into the tale. He briefly wondered if he knew this strange, ghostly guy. Then Shooting Star started again.

“I asked her if she knew him, what his deal was… what she said next still chills my bones to this day… she… she said…” Shooting Star paused, taking a moment to collect herself, sucking in a shaky breath.

“She said… ‘He’s my boyfriend’!” She broke down, fake sobbing as the rest of the group started laughing.

...

...Bill was starting to sense a pattern here.

With a snap of his fingers, the sound of breaking branches and the grunts of a bear reached the group’s ears. They all quieted and turned to the woods just a few yards away.

“Okay...” Red began softly. “Anyone else in favor of going inside and not getting mauled by a bear?”

The rest of the group nodded, and, as quietly as possible, started packing up and making their way inside.

Sure, maybe Bill had cut them off short of any possible real scary stories, but regardless of any ‘third time’s the charm’ rule Bill was not going to wait around for the  _ possibility _ of a real scary story.

He had  _ actual _ scaring to do, thank you very much.

“Weird…” Pine Tree commented after they were inside. “I didn’t think we’d run into bears this late in October…”

Shut up, Pine Tree.

Shooting Star shrugged. “Maybe it’s just got a later bedtime than the other bears?”

“She’s right,” Friend™ said. “Bears start hibernation all throughout September and October. I read about it in a pamphlet once.”

Llama stopped short as she stepped inside. “Um… guys? Did it get… dirtier in here?”

“What do you mean?” Shooting Star asked, looking around. She didn’t notice a difference, apparently. Good.

Llama sighed. “What I mean is, I don’t remember seeing this many cobwebs when we came here.” She pointed them out, and sure enough, there were now tons of cobwebs.

Some pretty damn fine ones in Bill’s opinion.

Red waved her off. “They’re just spiders. They’re not gonna hurt you,” she teased.

“I know that! But they still better not be anywhere near my bed.” Bill had made sure to put extra around Llama’s bed.

“Hey, dudes!” Question Mark called from the kitchen. “I think a raccoon got in here or something!”

“ _ What _ ?” Llama nearly lost her shit. She ran to the kitchen while the others followed, but they all passed her when she stopped just short of actually stepping into the room.

“I don’t think it’s here anymore,” Question Mark assured. “But it totally got into some of the kitchen cabinets,” he laughed and pointed out the opened cabinets and their spilled contents.

Llama had a horrified look on her face, and Pine Tree smirked when he noticed it.

“You  _ were _ the one who demanded we stay here,” he goaded.

She glared at him, then huffed. “I’m  _ so _ locking my door tonight.”

“So what do we want to do now? The mood for our scary stories is kinda ruined…” Monster pouted while Friend™ comforted her.

_ Good _ .

Shooting Star thought long and hard. “Um… Oh! I brought some cards!” She fished them out of her pocket. “We can play a card game!”

Well… fine. It was certainly better than those “scary stories” and really, they had to do  _ something _ while Bill was trying to scare them.

Ugh… Bill wished they would just be scared already…

Whatever. He got to make better noises at least.

Choosing a spot in the main room, the group sat around in a circle. Shooting Star dealt the cards and explained they’d be playing a game called BS. Bill had never heard of it, but he didn’t care.

Off in the corner of the room, while Shooting Star dealt and the group was quiet, Bill manifested a voice.

_ gsrh dzh z nrhgzpv _

Bill quickly looked back over to the group.

...Nothing.

Not even Pine Tree seemed to notice! Are you serious?

This entire time, whenever Bill did  _ anything _ someone would notice! Right away! The cobwebs, the cabinets, the first noise of the night! And  _ now _ ? Now that Bill’s actually  _ talking _ ?

_ That’s when they ignore it _ ?!

Fucking figures.

Bill definitely didn’t sulk as he watched the insulting group play their stupid game. Each one taking a turn to put a card or two on the pile in the center. Every now and then, someone would call out “BS!” and one of them would take the whole pile.

Judging from the reactions of the group, Shooting Star was winning and Pine Tree was losing. Big time.

“I hate this game…” Pine Tree muttered.

_ r szgv blf _ , Bill muttered from the corner.

“Did you say something?” Pine Tree suddenly asked. The group shrugged in confusion.

Hi, yes. This is Bill. Could you assholes please  _ be consistent with noticing what’s going on around you _ ?! Seriously! Don’t just ignore Bill when he’s actually trying to make you hear something and then listen when he’s barely even saying anything! Fuck these guys!

Shooting Star hummed. “Well… I was going to say that you just suck at lying, but maybe you already knew I was going to say that so you preemptively heard it in your mind?”

Pine Tree leveled her with a glare. “... BS.”

Shooting Star grinned and lifted up the top card on the pile. “Sorry, bro bro.”

“Damn it!” Pride broken, Pine Tree scooped the pile in the center into his hands.

Well, at least Pine Tree kept losing. That was enough to keep Bill interested in what they were doing. So much so, that he started watching their moves and looking at their cards. You know, in between trying to do his job.

But with every card Pine Tree was forced to pick up, Bill’s mood grew. And as Pine Tree gathered the middle pile yet again…

_ blf hslfow mlg szev xlnv sviv _

… Nothing.

Of course.

So Bill waited for a few more rounds to go by. A couple of others got the pile besides Pine Tree during that time too. Which made Bill a little happy, but it would have been better had Pine Tree gotten it each time…

Growing impatient, Bill decided to throw in another voice.

_ vhxzkv rh ufgrov _

... _ Still _ nothing?!

And even worse, Pine Tree was starting to win now! He just fucking called BS on Red and was apparently right!

“Ugh! This is so unfair!” Red whined as she grabbed the pile. For once, Bill agreed with Red.

“No,” Pine Tree said with force. “What’s unfair is I have  _ half the fucking deck _ !” He shoved the cards close to her face for good measure.

Oh boo hoo. Poor Pine Tree.  _ NOT _ . Now sure, Pine Tree wouldn’t win, not with Shooting Star being three cards away from winning, but damn it all Bill swore that if Pine Tree got any higher than dead last he’d burn the whole cabin down!

_ kivkziv uli gsv dlihg mrtsg lu blfi orevh! _

Thankfully, Pine Tree’s “winning” streak was brief. It wasn’t long before he was gathering the rest of the cards as Shooting Star, Llama, and Candy each ran out of cards.

“UGH!” Pine Tree screamed while picking up the pile yet again. “Why do I keep  _ losing _ ?!”

_ yvxzfhv blf xzoo YH lm gsvn vevib grnv gsvb'iv MLG OBRMT _

The group paused, all having some kind of confused and weirded out expressions on their faces.

“What the hell kind of animal was that?” Red wondered aloud.

“It sort of sounded like a dying coyote,” Llama commented with disgust.

Pine Tree still stared at his cards, but coyly said to Llama, “Oh, so is that why I almost mistook it for you singing?”

Shooting Star laughed and poked him in the back of the head. “You’re just butthurt ‘cause you’re losing so badly!” Pine Tree turned his head and fake bit at the offending finger, then went back to his hand of cards.

“Boom! Soos  _ out _ !” Question Mark threw down his last card.

“BS,” Pine Tree called, no emotion in his voice. Before Question Mark could even start saying he was telling the truth, Pine Tree was already reaching for the pile.

“Dude.” Red gave Pine Tree a look. “You knew he wasn’t lying.”

“Yeah,” Pine Tree said, but with a rather reluctant smile. “But I’m already gonna lose, so why not go all out?”

_ gszg'h irtsg _

_ zxxvkg blfi uzgv _

“Well, dudes, I gotta use the restroom.” Question Mark paused. “Uh… where is it?”

“There’s one just under the stairs, Soos!” Shooting Star pointed out helpfully.

Hmm… Maybe it was time Bill kicked up the notch a little more… After all, it was clear that sounds didn’t have much of an impact on this group. If Bill wasted all his time just trying to get a reaction from sound alone, then he wouldn’t have any time to actually scare them with the fun stuff! Also, Bill was impatient.

Time for something a little more visual…

Now Bill just had to wait until Question Mark was fin-

“Doo du-doo du-doo! Washin’ my hands!”

Huh… Well, that makes Bill’s job easier.

Sneaking a peek in, just to be sure, Bill found Question Mark washing his hands just like he said. Right in front of a mirror.

Smirking, Bill distorted the mirror’s image. Behind Question Mark’s reflection was now a young girl. Black hair, stringy and wet. Skin almost green. Nightgown covered in blood stains. Eyes missing.

Soon, Question Mark would look up into the mirror and…

“Whoa! Sorry, lil dudette! Didn’t mean to barge in on you or anything. Just needed to pee! Enjoy the bathroom!” Question Mark shut the door on his way out.

… O...kay? Certainly not the first thing Bill expected anyone to say to something like that… or really… anything Bill expected.

But, then again, Question Mark did seem a little… not all there in the head.

Whatever. Starting with Question Mark wasn’t a good idea anyway. The others would be much better. Bill was sure.

When Bill returned, he found Pine Tree lying on his back with the deck of cards covering him.

“Come on,” Red urged, pulling at Pine Tree’s limp hand. “We should start getting ready for bed. We’ve got a long ways to go tomorrow if we want to get those tents and still have time to hike a little more.”

Pine Tree pulled his hand away, staring in total apathy at the ceiling. “Leave me,” he deadpanned. “I’ll just sleep in my failure.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic!” Shooting Star shouted, yanking on his foot. But Pine Tree didn’t react. Sighing, Shooting Star crouched closer to Pine Tree’s head. “Here, I’ll help you clean up the cards,” she offered. When that didn’t get a response, Shooting Star poked Pine Tree’s cheek and added, “And if you want, when we get home you can beat me at chess.” Still nothing. “And I won’t steal the horses.”

Finally, Pine Tree broke the apathy and gave Shooting Star a look. “Okay, now you’re just making promises you know you can’t keep.”

Bill eyed Pine Tree curiously. That little human was rather distracted right now, thanks to losing so horribly at that card game. Probably wasn’t thinking about how weird the cabin was…

Shooting Star helped Pine Tree up, brushing cards and dust off of him as she did. The rest of the group began making their way upstairs to whatever rooms they wanted to settle down for the night, taking their stuff with them as they did.

“There we go! All nice and right side up!” Shooting Star crouched back down to pick up the cards, then turned to Pine Tree. “Oh, hey! Can you check and see if there are anymore blankets in that closet over there while I clean up the cards?”

Pine Tree followed Shooting Star’s finger to the closet and shrugged. “Sure.”

Oh! Bill suddenly thought of the perfect plan! And thankfully he’d already decided to up the scare level, otherwise this might not have worked. But he had to work fast.

Quickly, Bill hid himself in the closet Pine Tree was on his way to check. Since this was Pine Tree and not one of the others that would be easier to scare, Bill decided to transform himself rather than just make some random apparition. First, he made sure he was visible, then he let his body shift and change into something much more incomprehensible and terrifying.

Bill could hear Pine Tree’s steps getting louder. If Bill had a mouth in his current form, he probably would have grinned.

Oh, this was going to be  _ so good _ . He couldn’t wait to see the color leave Pine Tree’s face, pooling down as his eyes bulged in pure terror. The trembling, horrified scream that would rip out of his throat. The way he would fall backwards and try to scoot away-

The door handle jiggled.

Within moments, the door opened, light flooded the closet, and Pine Tree, with his hand still on the lightswitch, froze.

Slowly, he eyed up Bill.

A red, multi-layered pyramid. Sharp, yellowed fangs sticking out from in between the layers along with black tongues. He took up most of the space, and what his body couldn’t fill, his multiple arms could. All in all, it was one of his most terrifying forms.

After a short second, Pine Tree made eye contact. The moment he did, Bill’s black eye narrowed and he let out a low and threatening growl, looming over the poor mortal.

This was it.

_ This _ was the moment Bill had been waiting all day for. The moment that Pine Tree would…

…completely blank-faced, turn the light off and shut the door.

Wait.

_ WHAT?! _

“No blankets in there, Mabel.”

Now it was Bill’s turn to freeze. For a few long moments, Bill stayed there. Still half looming in a dark closet.

What… the  _ hell was that _ ?!

Seriously! Bill could excuse ignoring the noises and voices because they could be written off as something else, but  _ THAT _ ? Something actually physically  _ there _ ?! There was no way Pine Tree or  _ anyone _ could write that off! Question Mark not included.

And furthermore, who the FUCK walks into a closet, sees a thing of pure  _ nightmares _ growling and advancing towards them, and doesn’t run screaming?! That wasn’t even half-assed! That was one of Bill’s ace forms! For fucks sake, Bill had been worried he might’ve been overdoing it when he chose that form!

And Pine Tree just  _ IGNORED IT _ ?!

Bill calmed himself down only enough so that he wasn’t paralyzed by rage anymore. Reverting back to his original form, he felt a searing heat. He was so pissed he’d set himself on fire. And finally, Bill was forced to see the situation for what it really was.

These kids weren’t his ordinary visitors.

It was rare, but occasionally there would be a group that would be near impossible to crack. They would come prepared to deal with whatever monsters were inside in the attempt to leave unscathed. A group where the basic gambits were all but useless.

That was why these kids weren’t reacting to the noises or voices or apparitions. They were the ones that needed the more hardcore stuff.

Well Bill had a plan for visitors like these.

It was something he only ever brought out for the hardiest of travelers. The ones who needed a strong reminder of what they’d gotten themselves into…

* * *

 

Bill glared at Pine Tree. Watching him place his bag on the bed in one of the bedrooms and dig through it for his pajamas like… like some kind of asshole who ignores other people.

Right behind Pine Tree was the room’s closet. Opened. 

Up on the top shelf of it was just what Bill needed. And without hesitation, Bill shoved the thing to the floor.

Pine Tree automatically turned towards the loud noise, looking a little more than annoyed… then his eyes widened. Slowly, he made his way over to where it had fallen. He crouched down, looked around, then cautiously picked it up.

“Hey, guys,” Dipper said, softly at first. Then louder and more forcefully, “Guys! Come here! I found something!”

Bill could hear the footsteps of the rest of the group as they made their way to Pine Tree’s room in differing paces. But soon, everyone had crowded in. They watched Pine Tree carefully as he stood up, eyes glued to what was in his hands.

“What is it, Bro Bro?”

“What’d you find?”

“Is it something cool?”

“Something bad?”

“A dead body?”

“Well, what is it?”

Pine Tree turned around, showing them the item.

“It’s a journal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s see how you guys deal with a cliffhanger...
> 
> I hated the build up for this chapter, but the closet scene was the whole reason I started writing this story in the first place. Worth it.
> 
> And I know some authors like making their own ciphers for people to solve… I am not one of those authors. Whatever ciphers may be in this fic were all used in Gravity Falls. Lol I’m not original.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, commenting, and kudos...ing! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. ...It's Nightmare Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured Scares:  
> Advancement of Humanity, Nerding Out, Forgetting to Clean, Very Radical and Brightly Colored Young Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONGEST. CHAPTER. EVEEEEEEEeeeeeeerr…. or… so far anyway.
> 
> So if anyone wants to know why this chapter took so long, when I first started writing it ended up being WAY TOO HEAVY. Like. I was damn near gonna cry while trying to write the first version of this chapter. Which is very out of place in what’s supposed to be a FUNNY STORY. The other reason is because my beta reader for this story was in Japan and couldn't read it...
> 
> But here it is! Finally! So I hope you enjoy it!

“A journal?” Llama deadpanned. She rolled her eyes and probably wondered why she even bothered dealing with Pine Tree anymore.

Red made a face. “Okay, no offense, dude, but what is it with you and finding weird journals in the middle of the woods?”

Pine Tree’s jaw dropped as he stammered, blush dusting his cheeks. “I-It… It’s not in the middle of the woods!” he protested weakly. “It was in the closet!”

“...in a cabin in the middle of the woods.”

Shooting Star giggled from the doorway. “Is this gonna be your thing now, bro?” She let out a delighted gasp. “Does this mean you have a journal radar?! A journal-dar!”

The blush and stammering faded when Pine Tree sent a confused glance at Shooting Star. “What? No! Or… I don’t think so at least.”

“So what’s the deal with your creepy journal?” Llama asked, always the one to push things where Bill wanted them to go.

She was his favorite so far. Not like that was saying much.

“It’s not creepy, okay?” Pine Tree protested once more. “And, I’m not sure…” He flipped the journal over in his hands, then flipped through the pages. “It doesn’t look like the entries were all made by the same person. In fact, it looks like each entry is a new person speaking. And the first entry is from… 1982.”

“Okay,” Llama drawled. “Is that supposed to mean something to us? Why don’t you tell us something useful like what the entries are about instead.”

Pine Tree gave her a cold glare, then wordlessly flipped to the front page and began reading, “December 18, 1982…

> _My friends and I were headed up the mountain, hoping to find some good slopes for skiing, when a blizzard hit. It was relentless. The winds knocked down our tents and snow buried our equipment. The frigid cold bit at our fingers and toes, but just when we thought we were going to die, we found what appeared to be a luxury cabin. Brand new. We hoped the owners would understand us staying there. Now I wish we had just died in the snow._
> 
> _We decided to stay the night, because at first it seemed like a normal cabin. But once the night came it was hell. We were plagued with nightmares while we slept, and we could hear screams and moans when we awoke. Figures and shadows darted around the corners of our vision. Objects would fling themselves from where they rested. Inhuman growls as well as the sound of claws scratching along the floors followed us everywhere. At one point, one of my friends was locked inside one of the rooms. We couldn’t break it down. No matter how hard we tried… His screams and cries will forever haunt my mind. I don’t dare repeat the words that fell from his mouth. And after we finally freed him… he never spoke again._
> 
> _We couldn’t run from it. The blizzard made sure of that. So we picked a room and hid in the closet. The door to it rattled as a large shape banged against it. Over. And over. And over. And over…_
> 
> _Time didn’t exist. Had hours passed? Minutes? Days? We didn’t know._
> 
> _The final straw came when we found_
> 
> _I can’t say it._
> 
> _It’s too much._
> 
> _We escaped just as the blizzard died down. All of us vowed never to return. Never to speak of the foul evils here. Even now, as I write this for whoever finds this, I don’t dare step past the treeline. Even being this close makes me want to cry. Or vomit. Or both._
> 
> _I pray- I BEG of you. DO NOT step foot inside that cabin. No matter the excuse. I assure you, whatever makes you think you need that cabin for shelter, from a bear or a storm, your fate is better OUTSIDE than in._
> 
> _DO NOT BE FOOLED._

An awkward silence fell over the group until Llama spat out, “‘Not creepy’, _huh_?”

Pine Tree ignored her and flipped through a few more of the pages, landing on one nearly two years later:

> _I just wanted to go on a hike._
> 
> _I don’t know what I did to deserve this._
> 
> _Is God mad at me?_
> 
> _What did I do?_
> 
> _Perhaps this is my punishment for not heeding the words of this journal._
> 
> _I should have escaped while I still could._

Pine Tree tilted his head. His fingers brushed over the page carefully. “There’s… a bunch of nonsense writing and scribbles, but after that it says:”

> _I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But I’m free. I leave this like all the others have. As a warning to newcomers._
> 
> _LEAVE. NOW._

Flipping even farther through the book, Pine Tree started coming up on pages that had notes taped inside them. Like they didn’t have access to the journal like the others before them had…

Pine Tree singled one out in specific.

“What do you think this one is?” he asked, showing the group the page. “It’s just a bunch of ones and zeros...”

That one had stumped Bill, too. The guy who wrote it had been pretty fucked up thanks to Bill, though, so he just chalked it up to the guy going mental.

Question Mark squinted at the page, getting in close, before jumping up and exclaiming excitedly, “Dude, that’s binary code! You know. For computers and stuff.”

Recognition instantly lit up Pine Tree’s face. “Oh! That’s why it looked familiar!”

Binary code? Bill didn’t actually know there was such a thing. Must’ve been something that was created after Bill was trapped. Fuck! How dare humanity advance without him!

But then Pine Tree frowned. “I don’t… I don’t know it though…” Hah! Bill not knowing this binary code shit was only okay so long as no one else here knew it!

“I do!” Friend™ raised her hand up high. “I can help you with it.” Damn it!

And with an infuriating smile back on Pine Tree’s face, he started flipping through the journal again. The smile slowly faded though as he became more and more focused. For a couple minutes, no one said anything. They all waited for Pine Tree.

Finally, he hummed thoughtfully. “Weird…” he murmured mostly to himself. “Some of these letters have been bolded, but they don’t spell out anything. And there are symbols in the margins of most of these pages. Symbols I-I’ve never seen before!” He compared pages and thumbed the symbols as he thought. Bill just laughed.

Of course Pine Tree had never seen them before. That was because it’s Bill’s personal writing system! He left comments on most of the entries depending on how entertaining they were. And it was practically uncrackable! Pine Tree would be wasting his time trying to decode Bill’s writings.

But it would be fun to watch him try.

Pine Tree closed the journal and eyed the front. “And this carved symbol on the front of the journal… a triangle with an eye… Illuminati maybe?”

Illuminati?! Those fucks are still around? The fucking conspiracy assholes that stole his image and never paid him any royalties for it? All because he _happened_ to reveal a huge secret of the universe by accident in someone’s dream once… Bill added “destroy Illuminati” to his list of things to do once he was free of this place.

“Oh great,” Shooting Star rolled her eyes. Her energy levels were lower than Bill thought they’d ever go. “Now Dipper’s gonna be nerding out over the journal for the rest of the trip.”

Red gave her a warning look. “Mabel, this is Dipper we’re talking about.” She paused. “He’s going to be nerding out over it for the next couple _months_.”

“Yeah, Mabel,” Pine Tree laughed, not looking up from the journal. “I’m not you with crushes, you know.”

Shooting Star gasped in mock offense. “Rude!”

“Alright,” Llama cut in abruptly. “Since you’re starting to nerd out, I’m gonna go to bed and save myself the suffering.” She waved and sauntered out the door. “Night.”

“Night...” Pine Tree trailed off absent mindedly. He didn’t even bother to give a retort back. His eyes were glued to the pages of that journal.

Shooting Star yawned. “Same here. Night, bro!”

One by one, the group left Pine Tree’s room with their own nightly farewells.

Bill crossed his arms in a huff. He couldn’t lie. He was pretty disappointed that none of them reacted to the stories.

After all, that journal _was_ basically Bill’s most prized possession at this point.

After the first visitors wrote their experiences down in it and left it as a warning and others afterwards found it and wrote _their_ experiences, Bill got the idea of keeping it as a sort of… scrapbook of his scares.

And then, after a while, he decided to keep it hidden. _Some_ groups would find it too early and try to leave before Bill got to the good scares. So either Bill would keep it strategically hidden and only reveal it at the right times, or he wouldn’t even need it to terrify whoever was there! And best of all, even if the journal never made it out to the current visitors, they’d still write their stories on anything they could find! Hence all of the taped in pieces.

There was one piece of drywall that would never make it into the journal, but Bill just framed it and put it in his room.

Anyway, that journal held all of Bill best scares in it. And the fact that none of them seemed to care (save for Pine Tree, but his interest in the journal was the wrong kind of interest) was just a little insulting.

Of course, he now knew that he couldn’t expect immediate results from these weirdos. They’d probably react later, as they were falling asleep or when they’d wake up in the middle of the night. After all… all those stories you think are silly during the day suddenly become much less silly after the lights are off.

And speaking of sleep…

Left and right, he could see the members of the group each be pulled to sleep by their exhaustion. They’d all had a long day and were ready for some much needed rest. Each one of them eventually succumbed by their human need for sleep. Even Pine Tree, though his intense desire to study Bill’s journal kept him awake longer than Bill wanted. So much so that Bill even momentarily regretted letting Pine Tree see the journal.

But finally, after about an hour since the first one fell asleep, Bill could feel them all sleeping, and he felt a wave of relief.

See, he was good with everything else. Hallucinations? No problem. Disembodied noises? Please! Floating objects? Didn’t even make him break a sweat. But _nightmares_ were his specialty. This was the one thing Bill knew, almost without a doubt, would work.

Bill couldn’t fail here.

He snuck into Moster and Friend™’s room first. They shared the queen sized bed in the room, but left a good foot of room for each other as well as a blanket for a barrier.

Well, there went the “Monster and Friend™ are dating” theory.

Pausing, Bill took a moment to stretch out. He didn’t want to pull anything while exercising the best of his powers.

And once he was loose and relaxed, Bill swirled together a collection of rather frightening nightmares in each hand. The typical generic stuff, though. You know, the nightmares of drowning, being chased by monsters or clowns, watching your family be tortured and murdered in front of you.

Basic stuff without being _too_ basic.

None of that “underwear in class” shit.

Bill could go into their minds and bring up the really personal stuff later. After they’d already been scared by the regular stuff.

All he needed to do now was push the nightmares he had in his hands into their minds. Slowly, Bill pressed the swirls of dread to the girls’ heads. He watched carefully as their faces contorted in uncomfortable fear. They whimpered and squirmed, trying to wake up.

But they wouldn’t. Not yet.

See, you don’t get to wake up from a Bill Cipher Nightmare until Bill Cipher says you can.

It was just one of the things that made a Bill Cipher Nightmare scarier than the others. Because most nightmares usually end right before the murderer or giant wave catches you due to you waking up. But… if you can’t wake up, the nightmare won’t end. And if the nightmare doesn’t end before the murderer or giant wave catches you, then you get to be there for what happens after.

Which is _never_ fun.

...Unless you’re Bill watching it happen. _Then_ it’s fun.

Satisfied that at least his nightmares were working, Bill headed off to the next room.

Which was…

Ah, yes. Red.

The other thorn in his side. The other rock of the group. The only other one that had the ability to completely fuck Bill over.

Bill added a couple extra nasty nightmares to this swirl, both out of petty anger and in an attempt to break through Red’s stupid “can’t be harmed” aura. Then he basically threw the nightmare swirl at her head. Again, out of petty anger.

The reaction was surprisingly immediate.

Her hands clutched at the sheets beneath her and her body lurched in tearless, soundless sobs.

Well, huh.

Bill stared at his hands. He… he hadn’t meant for them to be _that_ strong. Unless… Bill pondered it for a moment, then came to his conclusion.

The crack in Red’s armor was her mind.

She was confident and strong in person because she had a reason to be. She could fight. She had the physical ability to defend herself and she was good at it. So of course she wouldn’t be scared in a situation where she had power over the other.

But the mind had nothing to do with physical strength. Strength of mind was something completely different and takes almost as much work, if not more, to have. And Red. Oh, poor Red. She’d spent all her time building physical strength but completely forwent the mental strength. Which, considering Bill’s specialty, made her no real threat to him.

At least not while she slept.

Bill had to admit he lingered a little longer than usual, just because of how satisfying watching Red cower was.

But he did have a job to do.

So with one last glance at Red, Bill moved on to the next room.

Question Mark.

He… huh. Wow. That did not look like a comfortable position to sleep in. How did he…? Why would he…? Oh whatever. Question Mark was a question in and of himself. There was no point in trying to find an answer.

Bill gave Question Mark the same treatment he gave Monster and Friend™. And he wasn’t sure if he was satisfied or disappointed that Question Mark reacted the same. Eh, maybe he was a little bit of both. Nothing more boring than everyone doing the same thing after all. But the nightmares were actually working, so that was something to enjoy!

Four down, three more to go.

Bill moved on to the next room and-

Whoops. That was the room Bill forgot to clean up.

...Yeesh. No wonder everyone else avoided it. This place was a _mess_. Bill slapped his own hand and berated himself. He had better standards than this! He obviously couldn’t change it now that everyone else had already seen it, but he’d make extra sure this room was spotless when Bill finally scared these idiots and they left.

But for now, he had to move on to the next room that actually had people in it.

And there they were! Llama and Shooting Star. Like Monster and Friend™, they weren’t cuddling and had left some space between them. But unlike Monster and Friend™ there was no barrier.

If Bill cared more, it might’ve bothered him that he couldn’t figure out if they were dating or not.

Anyway, back to business!

Bill gathered up his nightmares and, without hesitation, sent them straight to Llama. He watched her carefully so he could see…

Nothing?

Bill glared at his hand. He hadn’t sent her the wrong nightmares had he? He never messed up when it came to nightmares before, but this seemed like the night where he messed at least one thing up. So he tried again. This time making sure the nightmares were the right ones. And…

Nothing?! Again?!

Bill huffed, clenching his hands as he glared at Llama this time. She better not be pulling a Pine Tree here!

Now, he could keep trying to shove nightmares into Llama’s head like he’d been doing with everyone else, but there was no way of truly knowing when or if that would ever work. But he couldn’t just let her off with no nightmares! Where would the fairness be in that? No. The only way to go now would be to enter her mind and force the nightmares in that way. It was more time consuming, but more effective.

But he couldn’t do it here. Bill would have to leave his body, turning it to stone while he was gone, and if Shooting Star happened to wake up before Bill was done…

That would not work well for him.

So he snuck off to the one place these kids wouldn’t be able to get to and left his body there.

The second he did, the world around him became monotone. Bill could feel the minds of everyone much better this way. He could hear their thoughts, feel the fear and the nightmares of those who’d already been hit by them.

As was to be expected when one was in the mindscape, aka the plane of existence in which minds lived. It was the plane on which Bill had lived before acquiring his current body. In a way, the mindscape was rather limiting. Bill could only interact with the world through other people’s minds while here.

But it was also rather freeing at the same time for the same reason. His sight into others’ minds was near nonexistent outside of the mindscape. He couldn’t even read thoughts in the physical world!

And now that he was here, he could make sure the nightmares got through to Llama.

Since he no longer existed on the physical plane, he didn’t need to bother sneaking when he entered Llama and Shooting Star’s room. And without any hesitation, Bill nose dived straight into Llama’s mind.

* * *

When Bill opened his eye, he found himself on a paved road. Flowers and tall bushes lined each side. The road lead right to a towering wooden gate with the letters N and W in large golden filigree.

Floating closer, said gates automatically opened for him and…  

Well then. If there had ever been a doubt in Bill’s mind about Llama’s background, it would have been squashed right then and there.

Llama’s mind consisted of the largest mansion Bill had ever seen. And that included his Fearamid! Intricately carved marble made the walls of the mansion, with ivy and statues accenting the designs. A huge fountain, nearly the size of an Olympic pool, sat in front. And acres and acres of grassy fields stretched around. Horses filled one part the the fields, and the other part looked like a golf course.

Bill squinted at the sight.

It certainly looked like the kind of mind Llama would have… But Bill knew how the mind worked too well to be fooled. This was just a front. Just a fake persona of high standards and sophistication she used for other people. Not entirely uncommon considering how fake some people had to act around others. In fact, most humans had one or two fake minds that they retreated to depending on the situation.

But seeing as how immediate this fake mind was when Bill showed up, Llama’s _real_ mind would be very well hidden.

Which was why the nightmares weren’t working! They were being forced into the wrong part of her mind. A part she used quite a bit since it was so… _there_. But the wrong part nonetheless.

Backtracking out past the gate he’d entered, Bill searched. Looking for anything that would be…

There!

Hidden by the perfectly manicured greenery was a softly worn path through the bushes.

That would lead him to the right part.

Bill pushed through the bushes… and pushed… and pushed… and pushed. He was right when he said Llama’s real mind would be well hidden. He didn’t know how long he’d fought through the bushes, but when he finally broke through to Llama’s real mind he found-

Another mansion.

Albeit a much, _much_ smaller one, but still a mansion. Llama was a rich girl through and through, no doubt about that.

Placing his hand on the lush green grass that made up her mind’s foundation, Bill let his nightmares corrupt it. The grass turned brown and dry and hard. Trees and bushes shrivelled and twisted themselves into dead tangles of wood. The nightmares spread to all the corners of Llama’s mind, corrupting everything they touched. Even the sky, which was once a pretty blue, was now a dark threatening red.

And when fear started seeping through, Bill knew it’d worked. It actually took quite a bit longer than he’d thought, but it worked.

Thank fuck.

Bill didn’t know what he would’ve done had anyone else pulled a Pine Tree and ignored him.

He hovered for a moment, watching the ensuing chaos of his nightmares run rampant through Llama’s poor, unsuspecting mind. He really had no reason to go into Shooting Star’s mind like he had with Llama but… He was already in the mindscape… and she was literally just a mind hop over…

Bill waited one more second, giving himself a chance to back out, but decided to go anyway.

Because really? He was already in the mindscape.

And with a snap of his fingers, Bill wormed his way from Llama’s mind to Shooting Star’s.

He braced himself and-

Dear gods this was worse than anything Bill could have imagined.

It was too bright. Too colorful. Too _happy_ . There were stuffed animals everywhere. A giant pig too! Two very radical and brightly colored young men, and… _ugh_ , that song currently playing was terrible.

Bill shut his eye tight, keeping himself from seeing anything else in this god awful mind. He could do this without actually having to _see_ the mind right? Right. His hands touched the bouncy, plastic ground (what?) and he imagined everything horrible and disgusting and awful in the world. Dead animals. Scary music. Perfectly good cakes being thrown away. Whatever he could think of to ruin this terrible, terrible world.

Bill poured all sorts of nightmares into Shooting Star’s horrid mind, and didn’t stop until he felt the fear pouring out.

Without a second look, Bill shot himself out of Shooting Stars mind.

* * *

 He couldn’t explain the relief he’d felt when he saw the monocolor tones of their bedroom.

That. Was. Horrible.

Bill hoped that he’d never ever have to go inside Shooting Star’s mind ever again. Still, at least the nightmares were doing their job. And if Bill managed to do his, he’d never even have to see Shooting Star again, let alone her mind. And with Shooting Star out of the way, that left only one other person.

Pine Tree.

Bill hadn’t planned on leaving him last, it just sort of… worked out like that. But it worked out for the best. Now Bill could give him his undivided attention and show him just what the consequences were for ignoring Bill like he had. And Bill wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else waking up and possibly disturbing him.

Still in the mindscape, Bill hovered over to the next room where Pine Tree was. Sleeping… relatively soundly. He wasn’t in a deep enough sleep to be dreaming yet, but he was at least asleep. Lying on his back but still a little curled to the side. Completely relaxed. Well, except for his slightly furrowed brow, but Bill suspected almost nothing could unfurrow it.

Briefly, Bill considered the idea of just getting his body back and shoving the nightmares in like usual.

But…

Shit. Now Bill was curious. What did Pine Tree’s mind look like? What kind of mind did Pine Tree have to have in order to be able to just ignore Bill like he did!

Besides! Going into Pine Tree’s mind was the most effective way of infecting his mind with nightmares.

A little giddy, he jumped right in.

* * *

 Somehow, Bill wasn’t surprised.

Pine Tree’s mind was an endless forest of pine trees. Impressive, certainly. But somewhat predictable all the same. And hilariously ironic.

Although, it would make finding anything in here difficult. Unlike a mansion or a town of rainbow-barfing happiness, a forest’s layout was hard to figure out. There were no buildings and no unique landmarks to differentiate one part of the mind from another. Just identical tree after identical tree. Making it easy to get lost.

Thank fuck Bill could just fly over the forest instead of having to walk through it and deal with all of that shit. Then he’d be able to easily see any houses or clearings in the forest where Pine Tree kept the important parts of his mind. And it’s not like the forest was really that dense, so Bill would be able to see anything else significant through the branches and leaves.

Lazily drifting over the trees, Bill started on his way. He kept an eye out for anything important, but not really that hard. After all, it’s not like it would take Bill very long to find what he was looking for. No doubt this would take a matter of moments. Maybe even seconds!

Because, really. It’s not like it would take say… 15 minutes, right? Or 30. Or an hour.

_Right?_

After all… it’s not like there _wouldn’t_ be a break in the forest at _some point_ . _RIGHT_.

There had to be a… a-a house or… a mountain, right? A waterfall with a cave? A field of wildflowers? An abnormally large tree?! _Anything_?!

Bill materialized a pocketwatch.

1:24 am

He hadn’t been paying attention to the time when he went into Pine Tree’s mind, but it had to have been at least an hour and a half since then by now. A full hour and a half since he started wandering this desolate mindscape! A full hour and a half of _nothing_ but _fucking pine trees_!

The pocketwatch fell to pieces in Bill’s sudden iron like grip. Then the pieces burst into flame.

What the hell was wrong with this stupid mind?! Bill couldn’t find anything! There was nothing here but trees!

_SNAP_

Bill jumped, then instantly turned to where the sound came from. Inching closer, all the way into the branches of the trees, he spotted the source of the sound.

It was… Pine Tree.

Well, probably not _actually_ Pine Tree. This was most likely just a subconscious representation of him. Or like a little worker bee or something. But whatever the Pine Tree like thing was, it was wandering through the forest below with a purposeful stride. Like… like it knew where it was going. So Bill, being the incredibly smart being that he is, followed the Pine Tree thing.

At least, until the Pine Tree thing walked right into one of the trees.

Bill stopped for a moment. Then he carefully circled the tree the Pine Tree thing disappeared into. He eyed it a bit. And cautiously, Bill reached a hand out to touch the bark of it.

The second he did, he was sucked in.

And he found himself face to face with a very familiar scene.

“I don’t understand,” Pine Tree said as he paced. “How do you manage forgetting to pack the tents?”

“I don’t know dude! There was a lot of stuff!” Question Mark responded guiltily.

And then Red would be next… She’d be playing with her axe and say- “Yeah, and we were bound to forget something.”

It… it was a _memory_.

The reason why there was no building representing Pine Tree’s mind was because… the forest… it wasn’t just the foundation of his mind. It _was_ his mind. The entirety of his mind.

The forest wasn’t just decoration or background. Every part of it represented a part of Pine Tree’s mind. With each tree representing a memory. The larger the tree, the more significant the memory. Dead trees would be forgotten memories. The dark, gnarly trees were most likely bad memories. Flowers were probably hopes and dreams or something. Streams would probably be emotions! And the mushrooms-!

Well… okay, Bill wasn’t actually sure what the mushrooms would be. Doubts perhaps?

But all in all it… it was just...

… _so clever_.

Bill practically vibrated in excited glee.

He’d seen plenty of minds in his time, but getting to see a mind so intriguingly clever as this was a rare event. Why… the amount of minds Bill had seen that matched this cleverness couldn’t even be more than the amount of bricks that made up his form!

Just… to hide the mind like that… it obviously meant Pine Tree was incredibly guarded and paranoid, but something like this took skill and smarts! It reminded Bill of the last mind like this he’d seen, which had been a secret lab filled to the brim with codes. Dozens of different codes too! And that guy was a genius (as much as Bill hated to admit it, what with his eternal loathing of the guy). Which could only mean Pine Tree was probably just as smart!

Gods if only Pine Tree didn’t completely suck like the last guy had! And, well, all the other humans who had great minds...

It’s like the smarter a human was, the more likely they were to hate him!

Which was _totally_ unfair.

Bill was yanked from his musings as the pocketwatch he’d had before popped up, ticking loud and accusingly.

1:57 am

Damn it.

Bill got side tracked with Pine Tree’s mind. It was always Pine Tree fucking up his plans, wasn’t it? Huffing angrily, he left the memory.

Stupid Pine Tree.

With even more petty anger than he’d had all night, Bill slammed a hand against the ground and nightmares began pouring out with a biting vengeance. Monsters of all shapes and sizes began weaving through the trees, searching for victims. Black sludge oozed from the trees, dripping from the tips of the pine needles and covering everything in a thick layer. Dark clouds began rolling overhead with loud cracks of thunder. And soon, blood began pouring down, coating everything not touched by the sludge in a dark, sticky red.

With a jolt, Bill felt the ground beneath him shake. The pine needles flicked the sludge around as the trees shook with it.

Pine Tree was trying to wake up.

Bill’s fingers turned to claws, and they dug themselves securely into the ground. Pine Tree was _not_ allowed to wake up. Not yet. Not until the fear set in!

But Bill’s claws were pushed out of the ground. He stared at them in shock.

That… that had never happened before!

Then Bill stiffened as he heard a rough snort and the pounding of hooves. Turning around, he found himself right in the path of an angry buck preparing to charge. The pure white of its coat was unmarred by the sludge or rain.

Fuck.

* * *

In the same instant that Bill was so very rudely kicked out of Pine Tree’s mind, Pine Tree shot up in bed. He gasped and shook as the remains of the adrenaline worked its way out of his body.

Because, of course if Pine Tree had such a clever mind, he’d have a larger chance of having obnoxiously high levels of strength of mind. And he’d also have a larger chance of being a lucid dreamer. A lucid dreamer who could fight back against nightmares rather than let them run their course...

While Bill righted himself and brushed off the shame, Pine Tree took a moment to process what was happening. And the second he collected himself, he started scanning the room. His eyes lingered longer in the darker corners of the room, searching. Then they landed on the journal on the end table next to the bed. He glared at it with a vengeance, then fell back against the bed, pulling the covers all the way up to his chin.

“I am _so_ not in the mood…” he muttered. “Fucking ghosts and spirits. Can’t give me a fucking break.”

Fucking humans. Can’t give _Bill_ a fucking break.

They were just making this so much harder than it needed to be!

Seriously, was Pine Tree just… immune to fear?! To the point where not even Bill’s nightmares could affect him?! Oh, it was _on_ now.

At least the nightmares worked on the others.

Snapping his fingers, Bill released the others from their own nightmares. Soon enough, they’d come running out of their rooms. They’d look for each other in hopes of finding support and comfort. After hearing the entries in the journal, surely they’d realize what was supposed to happen next! So they’d try and build their strength by sticking together. As was _natural_ when _normal_ people were in a situation like this!

Bill turned his attention to the others who…

…were trying to do the same thing Pine Tree was? They… they were going _back to SLEEP_?

You don’t go _back to sleep_ after a nightmare!

Question Mark almost immediately fell asleep, Monster and Friend™ didn’t even bother checking to see if the other was awake before dealing with the fear on their own, and for some reason Shooting Star started _meowing_. Now sure, it caught Llama’s attention, but neither of them wanted to even talk about their nightmares! They just scooched closer and passed out!

Even Red, who’d been hit the hardest thanks to Bill overdoing it a bit, was trying to sleep once more! With Bill still being in the mindscape, he hear her mental mantra of, “It’s just a dream. Just like Dipper always says. It’s just a dream.”

Bill froze. Absolutely dumbfounded, for once in his entire life.

The fear he’d felt before from these kids slowly but surely faded away to nothing. None of them even bothered to leave their beds. And sure enough… within minutes, they were all asleep again.

Bill’s mindscape body burned as the flames of his fury consumed him.

Oh, come **_ON_ **!

These kids can’t all be _that_ hard to scare! How can each and every one of them wake up like they didn’t just experience the worst nightmares they’d ever had?! Maybe one or two of them could handle nightmares, but _all of them_?!

That’s… insulting! Degrading! _Impossible_.

Bill may be an all powerful demon and could do just about anything, but his _specialty_ was nightmares!

_And these kids brushed his pride and joy off like they were_ **_nothing_ **.

Oh… if he hadn’t hated these _brats_ before, he sure did _NOW_!

No one had ever been able to survive an entire evening and night being terrorized by Bill, even with just his mild shit, and come out of it like nothing had happened! These kids weren’t like anyone else Bill had come across while trapped on this ridiculous plot of land.

There was something incredibly off about them. Clearly nothing he usually did would have any effect on them.

Which meant he’d have to do things he’d never done to anyone else.

Bill had been upping the ante all night, but he was done being _tame_ . It was time to pull out his most frightening nightmares, his most horrifying creations! He’d make sure _this_ story would beat any other that was written in that journal.

Bill glared at the oblivious group, eye turning red.

“Enjoy your morning off,” he growled lowly at them, though none of them would hear. “Because after I come back, you’ll never be able to stomach another nightmare again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill: *wiping blood from his mouth while catching his breath* T-This kid... he's... he's too powerful...  
> Yeah, wait till you see him try to flirt. Or be social in general.
> 
> So I _was_ gonna put something here along the lines of "Next chapter is partially written and should be out soon!" but then I remembered I'm a terrible person who doesn't write as much as they should so who knows when I'll see you guys next.
> 
> In the meantime, [enjoy some doodles I doodled for this story like a month ago](http://lilgreenpup.tumblr.com/post/153483626228/i-had-the-choice-of-conversing-with-extended)! And I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	5. ...It's Show Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured Scares:  
> Waking up Early, Boring Hikes, Playing Yourself, Checking the List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa! What’s this? A change in POV? Yes, because our ever so wonderful narrator Bill has decided to slack this chapter and left it all to the unsuspecting group of college students who don't know they're supposed to be third person narrating anything. Thanks Bill!
> 
> Also, this is gonna be a little shorter of a chapter... At least compared to last chapter. And it's unbetaed at the moment too, so if you find any mistakes please don't hate me too much. And this is also kind of I think my favorite chapter so far…?
> 
> So I hope you all enjoy it! :D

**SATURDAY MORNING**

In the morning, forests were usually filled with chittering critters and twittering birds. Their noises waking up the rest of the forest. But as the forest surrounding the cabin that morning had been strangely silent, it was the rays of the sun lighting up the map in front of him that eventually broke Dipper out of his focus.

Blinking at the suddenly blinding lights, he pulled out his phone.

7:33 AM

Dipper leaned back against the couch and groaned.

He’d been up for four hours now.

No thanks to whatever apparently haunted this stupid place, Dipper had been woken up around three in the morning due to nightmares. Really awful and strangely powerful nightmares. It had taken everything Dipper had just to wake himself up. And once he had, it was near impossible for him to get back to sleep. He’d tried for nearly an hour, but it was no use.

And the thought that something else could happen certainly didn’t help. Nearly every journal entry he’d read before going to bed mentioned something happening right after being woken up from horrible nightmares.

But when he couldn’t get back to sleep and hadn’t found himself being dragged out of bed by an invisible force after that hour, Dipper had just decided to get up.

He dressed. Packed up. Had a snack. Then decided to head downstairs. Not many of the entries mentioned anything about things happening downstairs, so based on that knowledge, it was probably the safest place to be should something start happening.

Of course, the safest place to be would be away from the cabin all together, but that wasn’t an option yet. No one else had been awake. Plus it's not like they even knew where they'd be going after they left. Between forgetting the tents and stumbling across the cabin, their plans for the weekend had pretty much been thrown out the window. They’d need to plan a whole new route. One that included picking up the tents if they wanted to hike longer…

And with those thoughts churning in his head, Dipper had ultimately decided that if he couldn’t get to sleep he might as well get to work on planning where they’d go next.

Which is what he did until the sun rose.

Dipper rubbed at his eyes, suddenly realizing how dry they were.

“You’re up early.”

Dipper jumped. Then he looked up into the eyes of Wendy, still in her pajamas.

He smiled. “You are too. Couldn’t sleep?”

Wendy smiled back, and made her way next to Dipper. Plopping down next to him, she replied, “I could, but it was pretty restless. What about you?”

Dipper sighed and shrugged. “Woke up sometime during the night, but I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just decided to come down here.” He nibbled absentmindedly on the pen in his hand, and gestured to the map. “Work on what to do next, you know?”

“And how long have you been working?” Wendy asked with a knowing tone to her voice.

Dipper stopped to think for a moment. “A few hours now.”

“And…” Wendy gave an uncharacteristic pause, “everything’s been… okay?”

Dipper noticed her eyes dart briefly to the journal. “You had them too.” It wasn’t a question.

Wendy didn’t bother telling Dipper what he already knew. So instead she said, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried. This sort of stuff still gets me on edge in the beginning… especially when…” Another uncharacteristic pause. For a moment Wendy looked far away, like she wasn’t even there. Her eyes seeing through the map in front of them. “Those weren’t normal nightmares,” she finally whispered.

Dipper felt a pang of sympathy for Wendy. “I agree.”

A silence followed. Neither of them needed to discuss the details of the nightmares.

“You think we still have the chance to leave?” Wendy asked after a moment.

Dipper chewed the pen in thought. “None of the entries I’ve found so far have said they lasted more than a night…”

“So…” Wendy perked up as she slowly gained back her normal levels of confidence, “maybe the ghost just ran out of juice halfway through the night?” Her question ended on a note of hope.

Dipper highly doubted that whatever lived here would run out of energy if they had the power to make nightmares like that, but he shrugged and gave Wendy a reassuring smile. “Maybe.”

There’d be no point in worrying her more. Besides, it’s not like Dipper knew what really happened that made whatever lived here stop halfway through the night. So for all he knew, maybe it _had_ run out of juice.

But the nightmares...

“Are you… gonna be okay?”

Wendy blinked at Dipper in surprise for a moment. Then smiled widely. “Yeah, don’t sweat it, dude. The nightmares were pretty bad while I was asleep, but dreams can’t actually hurt you. And… after I woke up it was pretty easy get myself back on track.” She then clapped her hands together, rubbing them as she gave her full attention to the map. “Now! What’s the plan you have so far?”

Dipper half smiled to himself. Yeah, she’d be fine.

“Well-”

“Dippy!”

Both Dipper and Wendy glanced up as Mabel made her way to them. Also still in her pajamas.

“What are you doing awake already?” She chastised in a huff, hands on her hips and pout on her lips. “I wanted to wake you up by jumping on your bed.”

Deathly serious, Dipper met Mabel with a blank stare and said, “I sensed you were going to do that so I got up early specifically to thwart you.”

Mabel gasped, throwing a hand over her heart and taking great offense. “How dare.” Then she laughed and fell to the floor with them. “So whatcha talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Our next move,” Wendy answered.

Dipper took the pen out of his mouth and traced along the map with it as he explained. “I was thinking we take this path back down to where we parked the truck, get the tents, and then head up this way towards the trail we found yesterday.”

“Effectively keeping a good distance between us and this cabin, too.” Wendy nodded appreciatively.

“Precisely.”

But Mabel frowned. “Then what? We just… u-turn and go back to the truck the next day?”

“Well… basically.” Dipper saw Mabel open her mouth to object and effectively added, “Unless we wanted to risk coming back here.”

Mabel pouted, but gave in. “...Alright, fine. But it’s gonna be pretty boring on the way back.”

“Honestly, that’s what I’m counting on,” Dipper breathed, sounding a little frustrated.

Wendy nodded. “Same here…”

Mabel eyed her brother carefully. Her sisterly intuition screamed at her that something was wrong. Finally, after a moment she said, “Hey… Dip, are you okay?”

“Huh?” Dipper looked up from the map, his eyes wide and confused. “Yeah, I’m fine?”

Mabel pulled at the rug under her fingers. “Well… it’s just not like you to not want to explore a place like this.”

Wendy glanced over at Dipper, mimicking Mabel’s look. She hadn’t thought about it yet, but Mabel was right.

Dipper, seeing both their looks, bit his lip and sighed again. “Yeah, I know,” he admitted. “I just don’t want to do it this weekend. Alright? We wanted to come out here to go hiking because it’s been so long since all of us have had a weekend free. I just want to hang out with our friends.” Mabel shot him a playfully offended look, and Dipper laughed. “And you, of course,” he amended.

Mabel smiled. “Okay, that makes sense.”

“Plus, I just-” Dipper made a face. “I just feel like we shouldn’t’ve come here. Like we were never supposed to come here.”

Mabel and Wendy gave him a sympathetic look. They didn’t understand what he was feeling, but they knew they still should be supportive.

But it didn’t matter.

Soon, they’d all be awake, dressed, and leaving. Then none of this would ever be mentioned again.

After that, it wasn’t long before everyone else made an appearance downstairs. And surprisingly, Pacifica was the only one besides Dipper who’d been fully dressed and ready to go by the time she’d made her appearance.

“Pacifica!” Dipper gasped in fake surprise. “You look like you’re ready to go! Don’t you want to stay a little longer? I mean, this is _so_ much better than hiking right?”

Pacifica Not-A-Morning-Person-In-The-Least Northwest glared and gave an equally fake laugh before turning away to ignore Dipper.

It made him smile.

She continued to ignore Dipper while the rest of them got ready, too. And she would have done so until they were well on their way back, but just as they were finishing up, something caught her eye.

“You’re taking the journal?”

Dipper paused in tucking the journal into his bag. “I wanna see what Great Uncle Ford thinks of it,” he explained.

“But isn’t it like… meant to stay here as a warning to others?” Pacifica asked, gesturing to the cabin. “Isn’t that the whole reason all the other people left it here?”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and it did such a great job warning us _before_ we got here.”

“And it did such a great job at warding us away after we found it.” Wendy added, laughing. “You know, seeing as how we stayed the night despite every entry telling us not to.”

Pacifica scoffed. “That’s because we’re a bunch of weirdos. Maybe this could help someone else!”

Now Dipper was laughing. “Whoa! Careful there. Or otherwise we might start thinking you care about other people.” Wendy and Dipper high fived each other, while Mabel shook her head at them.

“Or maybe,” Pacifica interjected through their laughing, “it’s the journal that’s causing all this and I don’t want it or it’s horror stories following me home. Which is a valid reason!”

Wendy rolled her eyes, then took the journal from Dipper. “I’m sure this itty bitty little journal can’t actually hurt you, and-” She stopped. Her eyes widened in fear and turned to the arm holding the book, which was now moving erratically. “Oh no…” she breathed. “Pacifica… the journal. It has a mind of it’s own! It’s coming right for you!”

Wendy made a mad dash for Pacifica who recoiled back.

“Get that away from me!”

Mabel stepped between them. “Don’t worry, Pacifica! I’ll protect you!” She raised her grappling hook, but suddenly lurched. Throwing a hand over her heart, she gasped, “Oh no! But I’m not a nerd!” She coughed and hacked, slowly falling to the ground. “It’s nerdiness is… too much… for… me… Pacifica, I… I’ve always loved… bleh…” And she was down.

Pacifica cried out in horror. “Mabel, no!”

Soos, taking a moment from packing to stand, placed his hat over his heart. “She died as she lived…” he said dramatically, “fighting nerdiness with grappling hook in hand…”

“Don’t you see?” Pacifica yelled through her fake tears. She cradled Mabel’s body in her arms. “This-This obsession you have with that stupid journal caused this! It killed your own sister! Get rid of it before it kills the rest of us too!”

For a moment, no one could see Dipper’s eyes. What little expression they could make out was solemn. Everyone fidgeted. Did they take it too far?

Finally, Dipper tilted his head up, meeting Pacifica with a hard stare. “Maybe that was my plan all along…”

“D-Dipper…” Pacifica stuttered lowly. “What are you saying...?”

“You were never good enough for Mabel!” Dipper shouted, throwing an accusing finger towards Pacifica. “And now,” he snatched the journal from Wendy’s hands, “with the power of this… really creepy journal, I’ll _end_ you!”

Grenda and Candy stepped before him. “You’ll have to get through us first!” Dipper dangled the journal in front of them, and they started falling just like Mabel had. “Augh! The nerdiness! It’s… too much...”

Pacifica let go of Mabel, backing up slowly as Dipper advanced.

“And now,” Dipper stepped over Mabel, lifting the journal again, “it’s your turn!”

“Dipper, no!” Mabel grabbed onto Dipper’s legs, throwing him off balance.

“Ack!” He fell face first to the floor. Huffing, he leaned up as far as he could while rubbing his sore nose. “Mabel! You’re supposed to be dead!”

“I am!”

“Dead people don’t trip their brothers!” Dipper gestured to his legs, where Mabel was still holding on to.

“I’m,” Mabel paused as she thought, “the… ghost of Mabel possessing her dead body.”

Dipper was unimpressed. “So you’re alive.”

“No!” Mabel argued. “I’m a ghost possessing her dead body. Completely different. Ow!” Mabel rubbed the top of her head where Dipper had whacked her with the journal.

“Boom,” Dipper said in a deadpanned voice. “Now you’re double dead.”

“So,” Pacifica interjected slyly, breaking character and getting everyone’s attention, “what I’m getting from this is that… the journal is evil and will kill us all. And we leave it?”

Dipper opened his mouth to argue, but found nothing to say. Mabel burst into laughter.

“You played yourself!”

The others were laughing now too.

Dipper glared at Pacifica “I hate you all,” he muttered. Then he sighed, standing up while Mabel was too distracted laughing to hold on, “Look, I’ll be the one to carry it, I won’t let it out of my bag, and when I come back to return it you won’t have to come with. Okay?”

Pacifica glared back, “ _Not_ okay...” then sighed. “But whatever. Just know that if anything happens after we leave, I’m blaming you.”

“Fair enough.” Dipper relaxed, glad that had finally been resolved.

“Great!” Mabel hopped up with renewed energy. “Now that that’s settled, let’s get going!” She pumped a fist in the air while Grenda and Candy got up themselves and cheered with her.

Wendy held a hand up seriously. “Hold on. Let’s go through the checklist one last time.”

Mabel, Grenda, and Candy all deflated at the same time. “Aww, come on, Wendy!” Mabel whined. “Going through the checklist again is such a Dipper thing to do.”

“It’s also the responsible thing to do,” Wendy reminded maturely.

“I didn’t know you were responsible…” Soos wondered aloud, honestly confused.

“Okay, fine!” Wendy burst like she’d just been holding a breath. “I just want to make sure we don’t forget anything and have to come back!” She spared an apologetic glance to Dipper. “Not that being responsible is a bad thing.”

Dipper waved her off. “Just one last time, okay?” he said, addressing Mabel. “Besides, not checking the list again is what started this whole fiasco in the first place!”

Mabel grumbled, dragging her feet over to her bag.

“Think about it like this, lil dudette!” Soos encouraged, patting Mabel on the back. “If you know you have everything now, you won’t have to worry about if you need to come back here or not!”

Mabel sighed. “Yeah… okay…”

Dipper shook his head. Why was he the only one that thought this was a good idea? Even with proof that not checking the list could end terribly, they still wouldn’t listen! But he brushed it off, pulling the list out. “Alright, let’s see-”

“ _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!_ ”

The group shot up to their feet, gazes glued to the front door.

“...Bloodcurdling screams weren’t part of the list, were they?” Wendy asked in a harsh whisper.

“No…” Dipper agreed. “No, they weren’t.”

“And we’re sure those came from _out_ side?” Pacifica glanced at the journal then back to Dipper.

Another scream.

Soos gulped. “Yeah… we’re sure.”

Silently, Wendy motioned for everyone else to drop to the floor and hide. While they followed her command, she and Mabel moved up to the front windows, each taking a window on either side of the front door. They carefully pulled aside the blinds a bit to sneak a peek. Wendy slowly pulled her axe from it’s holster, Mabel gripped the handle of her grappling hook harder, and they waited. For another scream. For a snap of a twig. For the appearance of someone else. For anything.

Dipper could feel his chest grow tighter, his heart pump faster, his breath getting heavier. He could feel the adrenaline beginning to trickle into his system. His veins tingled from it. He took in the situation.

Pacifica was hiding behind the couch across from him, taking care to keep her head below the armrest. She’d switched all her rings so they were on her right hand. The hard diamonds glinted as she cracked her knuckles. Grenda and Candy had run behind the stairs. In Candy’s hands were some of the grilling equipment they’d brought, while Grenda stretched her arms and neck. Her body was a weapon of its own.

Dipper’s eyes wandered but couldn’t find Soos. No doubt he’d run to the kitchen and was hiding behind the island. Probably with a pot or two in hand.

Then his eyes landed on his own bag. Nothing but clothes, snacks, and that damn journal. Frowning, he gripped one of the straps. It wouldn’t be much, but it was better than nothing.

Each second dragged on longer than the last. Everyone held their breath. Waiting. The silence around them made even the smallest shuffle sound like a stampede. Made-

Someone crashed through the treeline, huffing and panting.

Mabel and Wendy gasped.

“He’s hurt!”

Everyone shot up from their hiding spots. They started heading for the door just to hear whoever was outside crash into it.

Mabel and Wendy jumped, then realized the door was locked.

The knob started rattling.

“Oh, come _on_ ! Not now, _not now_ !” came the panicked cries from outside. “ _Please_!”

Finally kicking into gear, Wendy made for the lock. In one swift movement she’d unlocked the door and swung it wide open. The guy who’d been on the other side tumbled through the threshold-

Right into Dipper.

Dipper tried to catch him, but the stranger’s momentum caught him off balance and they fell to the ground, the stranger calling out in pain as they did.

The first thing Dipper noticed about the newcomer, once he’d resituated them, was how attractive he was. The bright golden hair contrasting appealingly against his darker skin. Was he Middle Eastern? Maybe Egyptian specifically? Was Egypt considered part of the Middle East? Wait, no. That didn't matter right now. The second thing Dipper noticed about him was the position he’d put them in. With Dipper basically cradling the man in his arms like Pacifica had with Mabel just minutes ago.

The third and final thing Dipper noticed about the man was the jagged trowel sticking out of the left side of the man’s abdomen.

“OH MY GOD!!”

Dipper couldn’t take his eyes off of the grave injury so he couldn’t see the others turning to look, but he could definitely hear their gasps at it.

So that’s what they’d meant when they said he was hurt.

The stranger groaned, cursing under his breath, then tensed as he noticed something outside. Trying to scoot back, he mumbled out, “Shut the door.” Then louder he begged, “Shut the door! _SHUT THE DOOR_!”

Wendy, being the closest to the door since Mabel was now kneeling next to the stranger, wasted no time in complying. And just before she closed the door, she saw two burly men break through the treeline. One of them had a large, rusty hunting knife in his hand. Wendy could only guess that the other, weaponless one had been carrying a jagged trowel…

“Ya think you’ll be safe in there?!” one of them yelled in a heavy accent. The kind of accent you’d associate with a stereotypical inbred redneck.

Wendy planted herself in front of the door, axe at the ready, and Grenda stood next to her, ready to plow down anyone who came her way. Mabel and Candy, both their weapons ready to use, positioned themselves a bit behind Wendy and Grenda. Soos had reappeared from the kitchen, two heavy pots in hand. He didn’t look ready to fight, but he’d do what he had to.

Pacifica knelt down on the other side of the stranger. “We should move him farther inside.”

Dipper nodded, but as Pacifica made to help the guy shook her off.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, wincing as the movement agitated his wound.

“Those guys are gonna come in and get you!” Dipper argued. “We have to get you-”

“I’m _fine_ ,” the guy stressed. Of course, it was at that moment that the guy felt a wave of dizziness and his head lolled over to rest on Dipper’s chest.

“Of course you are.” Dipper rolled his eyes and fought off a blush. Which wasn’t too hard since he had more important things to worry about.

With the door shut, they couldn’t see the two men outside, but their voices carried through.

“Hah! The guy’s a’ idiot! What makes ya think you’ll have better luck in there?!” the first one shouted.

“He’s a dead man!” the other one agreed with a laugh.

“Let us know when you want us to put ya out of your misery!”

The two men cackled, and the group could hear their footsteps fading. But even when there was no more noise from outside, no one moved.

“They’re… gone?” Pacifica whispered.

The stranger made himself a little more comfortable in Dipper’s arms. “And they won’t come back,” he assured, his voice raspy from yelling. “They’re idiots, but they’re not _that_ stupid…”

“Who were they?” Wendy demanded. She turned her attention to the man but kept her body where it was. Just in case.

The man wave his hand. “Just some of the local backwoods savages is all…” he started, then faltered as wave after wave of dizziness overtook him, “trying to…” his breathing quickened, “tear me to shreds or something…”

His body went limp.

“Hey!” Dipper tried shaking his head to wake him up, careful of the wound, but to no avail. “Damn it… we’ve got to get this thing out of him!” As gently as he could, Dipper slid his legs out from under the man, laying him on the ground.

Pacifica’s eyes widened at the very suggestion. “How?! We’re a bunch of college kids, not doctors! What are _we_ supposed to do?”

“Well, we can’t exactly take him to the hospital,” Dipper pointed out stressfully. He shrugged off his jacket and balled it up into a makeshift pillow to put under the man’s head as he continued talking. “It would take us at least five hours to take him back to the truck!”

Wendy finally moved from her spot and rushed to the man’s other side across from Dipper, causing Pacifica to move out of the way. Carefully Wendy started inspecting the wound.

Pacifica gasped, absolutely incredulous. “He needs real medical attention!” She shouted. None of them were trained professionals! They might accidentally kill him if they tried anything!

Soos squirmed. “You know… maybe Pacifica is right? We could accidentally kill him ourselves if something went wrong...”

“Thank you!”

Wendy, as calm and steady as she could, turned to face Pacifica head on and said, “I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen injuries like this and helped with them before. I can tide us over until we can get him to a real doctor. And you’re right,” she cut in quickly when Pacifica was about to object. “He does need professional medical attention, but at the moment this is all we have. And standing there yelling about how he needs professional help isn’t going to actually help. Even if we call someone, chances are they won’t be able to get here anytime soon.” She gave Pacifica a look of unflinching determination. “Whatever the risks, we _have_ to do this now or he’ll _definitely_ die.”

Pacifica gave herself one full second to think about it.

“Soos,” she called, squaring her shoulders, “go get the first aid kit. Grenda, go look around the house and get whatever other medical supplies you can. Candy, try and get a signal up here so we can see about calling someone for help.”

The three of them nodded and ran off to get the needed supplies.

“Get as much gauze as you can,” Wendy yelled after them. She kneeled back down, rolling up her sleeves.

“Mabel,” Pacifica grabbed hold of Mabel’s hand, her own still shaking, and began leading her up the stairs, “come with me and help me get all the towels this stupid place has.”

Dipper watched them leave. He understood Pacifica’s objections. No one here was a professional doctor and there was every chance that what they were doing would make it worse. But there was a better chance of him surviving if they did something now. Gods… it was like the beginning of some horror movie. Someone getting injured without the ability to call for help.

Briefly, Dipper’s eyes wandered to the journal in his bag.

Then he brushed some of the hair out of the man’s face. “Don’t worry…” he whispered gently, hoping maybe the man would hear him. “We’ll take care of you. We won’t let you die.”

**SATURDAY MORNING (a little earlier)**

After hours and hours of failed attempts, Bill finally grinned. He stood out in the treeline, right before the border that kept him from leaving but hidden just enough so no one inside the cabin would see him. He stared at himself in the mirror he’d produced and ogled.

Perfect.

Well, maybe not _perfect_. It’s not exactly what Bill would’ve wanted, but it’s what he needed. And all he had the time to manage. Seriously, who would’ve known how hard it was going to be to transform Bill’s original form into a working human body?

Sure, Bill could change into scarier triangle monsters and pyramids, but a human body? That actually functioned like a human body? He’d never done that before.

So, it was to be expected that his first attempt… didn’t really look like a human. Or the second… or the third…

But now, on attempt number… well the number didn’t matter because he’d gotten it right! (Attempt #666)

The same darkened skin as the first human he’d met, a conventionally handsome face based on his knowledge of human preferences (they liked symmetry right?), and bright golden hair and eyes. Because yellow is the greatest color ever. Ever.

Bill took one last look at himself before getting rid of the mirror. Then his grin turned sinister.

This would no doubt be his most diabolical plan yet.

Disguising himself as a human? To infiltrate his victims’ group and earn their trust? Only to then secretly tear them down from the inside? Separating them one by one and trapping them in their own personal hells? Then once they were at rock bottom and Bill had them right where he wanted them, he’d reveal himself? And then watch as the last shreds of hope and happiness they might’ve had fade away once they realize that he’d been the one torturing them the whole time?

_Beautiful_.

Bill stretched his arms, cracking his knuckles as he did. Then with a snap of his fingers, two stereotypical horror rednecks appeared, each with a jacked up, piece of shit weapon in their hands. Some trowel and knife. They stared straight ahead, ridgid. They wouldn’t move until Bill told them too, so he circled them, making sure they were perfect. But… Something was missing from the scenario Bill was creating.

After a moment of thinking, Bill took the trowel from Redneck 1’s hand. He eyed it, planning in his head. Then grinned big and wide. _This_ would make it perfect.

He aimed the tip of it at his side where it would miss the important organs of this new form that he needed.

Show time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gods! What a terribly serious second half of a chapter! Why, it almost appears as if Bill has actually shaken them! As if he’ll actually be able to scare them in the next chapter! As if he’ll really, truly-! Yeah, I can’t keep that up. As if Bill would actually get his way in this fic! HAH!
> 
> Also, Fun Fact: in their spare time, between hunting down and tearing lost travelers to shreds, backwoods savages like to steal rich peoples’ cars
> 
> …an imaginary gold star to anyone who knows what I’m referencing with that (because I’m self promoting trash).
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented and kudosed on the last chapter! I love you all so much for that! :D (p.s. do it again)
> 
> I'll see you all again next month hopefully maybe sooner but not likely!


	6. ...It's Explanation Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured Scares:  
> Missing Conversations, Drinking Water, Answering Questions, Cheating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was finished barely 5 days after posting the last chapter… then I found something wrong and it took me two weeks to fix.
> 
> But on the bright side, it’s finally here! :D
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**SATURDAY AFTERNOON**

Bill groaned as he came back to consciousness.

Wow. That had hurt a  _ lot _ more than he had anticipated. It actually hurt so much that he had to escape to the mindscape just for some relief! Did human bodies (fake or otherwise) really have so many  _ nerves _ in them? Or did Bill just give himself too many? Maybe Bill shouldn’t have shoved the damn trowel further in after the first strike didn’t go in as far as he’d wanted it to. Then again, how else was it supposed to stay in on it’s own?

Besides, it’s not like he would’ve died from it. He was immortal! It just would’ve been an inconvenience.

And it gave him some entertainment as he watched the group struggle to tend to his wound! Hah! There was even a little bit of fear because they didn’t know that Bill couldn’t die! Not, you know… a  _ lot _ , but it was more than they’d shown this whole time!

It was progress.

Plus he enjoyed wandering the cabin and watching everyone board the house up, as if they really thought those backwoods savages would come back! He was pretty sure he missed a vital conversation between Shooting Star and Pine Tree, though… And he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it could've been about!

Well, whatever. If it was really that important, Bill would figure it out eventually. For now, though, he had work to do.

Blinking his eyes open slowly, Bill pretended to be confused about his surroundings and the towels he was lying on. He started to lean up into a sitting position, but was forced back.

“Don’t get up. You might reopen your wound.” It was Pine Tree. Of course. The human hadn’t left his side since Bill first crashed into him. Even after he seemed to stop caring about Bill’s body…

Still, Bill kept the confused mask on. “What…?” he vaguely gestured to his surroundings by looking around.

“You passed out from the pain,” Pine Tree explained. He sounded like some kind of doctor, all serious like. “And while you were out, we removed the trowel and bandaged you up. It should be fine if you’re careful, but you’ll be a lot better when we get you to a hospital.” Was it just Bill, or was Pine Tree deliberately avoiding eye contact? He kept adjusting the towels or Bill’s clothes or  _ anything _ , just so long as he wasn’t looking directly at Bill while he spoke.

So Bill made sure to stare straight at Pine Tree when he asked, “How long was I…?”

“You were out for a few hours.” The kid started looking at his phone, flipping through it or something. “It’s the afternoon now.”

“Oh…”

And Bill said nothing more. Humans didn’t do well with awkward silences, so maybe that would force something out of him. And in the meantime, Bill continued to stare at Pine Tree, nearly glaring, in the hopes that Pine Tree would just  _ look at him, damn it _ . Gods! Even as a human Pine Tree ignored him!

And after a few  _ gruelingly _ awkward moments, made even more awkward by whatever inner monologue Pine Tree might’ve had (based on his squirming), Pine Tree finally,  _ finally _ , made eye contact.

Bill felt more relief than he was willing to admit when it happened.

It was almost strange the way Bill was so damn happy just to have this human notice him. And  _ actually _ notice him. You know, without having him slam the door in his face and all that. And why did Bill even want Pine Tree’s attention anyway? Eh, it was probably just from being ignored. Bill didn’t  _ do _ being ignored, after all. Not to mention how long it had been since anyone actually acknowledged Bill! Sure, he’d show up before someone and scare them, but when was the last time he’d actually had the chance to sit down with someone else and have them acknowledge him as  _ him _ and not the “thing that haunts this place”?

It’d been awhile, let’s just say that.

After that, it was like something broke between them. Some wall-of-awkward that Pine Tree had no doubt built between them just crumbled away.

Pine Tree breathed in like he’d just remembered something. Reaching over to grab something Bill couldn’t see, he said, “Here, I’ve got some water for you.”

Bill made a face before he could help it. “I don’t want any.” He didn’t need any. Unlike humans, Bill didn’t get his energy from ingesting physical things. So doing so would just be weird. And sure, drinking something would keep up the appearance that he was really human, but damn it all if Bill didn’t want to be bothered with that right now! He was in pain, for fucks sake!

Of course, Pine Tree wasn’t having any of it. Going full on doctor mode again, he nudged the opened water bottle closer to Bill’s hands. “You just got stabbed and lost a lot of blood and are probably dehydrated. You need to drink something.”

But Bill shook him off, shoving the water bottle away and hiding his hands. The last thing Bill needed was to put something else in this body that didn’t belong there.

Speaking of, where’d they put that trowel?

Dipper sighed, replacing the cap to the bottle. “We also have some pain relievers.” Bill perked up at that. “Are you allergic-”

“No, I’m not,” he interrupted, trying to get up. The painkillers weren’t guaranteed to work with this new body, but at the very least Bill could relieve some of the pain himself and not have to worry about pretending to still be in pain.

Bill noticed the bottle of meds next to Pine Tree’s knee and made a grab for it-

But was quickly thwarted by Pine Tree scooting the bottle from his reach.

“Ah-ah!” Make-Shift Nurse chastised. He dangled the water bottle in front of Bill, a stupidly sly smile on his face. “But you’ll have to drink water with it to help it go down.”

Bill glared halfheartedly.

This. Little. Shit.

He took a moment to consider which would be worse: ingesting something or being in pain. Then grumbled and snatched the water bottle from Pine Tree’s hands.

“You’re a terrible nurse,” he said playfully, but still with a little contempt. It may have been an admirably devious move, but Bill didn’t appreciate those moves being used against him. Still, it was fun to watch Pine Tree act like he was in charge.

Pine Tree smiled and handed him the painkillers.

Tossing the meds down, Bill braced himself for the gulp of water and grimaced. Gross… he could feel the water sliding through his body and sloshing around in his new stomach. Disgusting.

Pine Tree switched off of doctor mode and asked in a bit of a cautious voice, “There, better?”

“No,” Bill answered honestly, then added jokingly, “the painkillers haven’t kicked in yet.”

Pine Tree smiled again, a little half smile formed out of relief.

And… Bill couldn’t look away. Pine Tree didn’t give out genuine smiles very often, from Bill’s experience, so even though he’d only known Pine Tree existed since yesterday, it was a little weird seeing him have such a smile.

It wasn’t bad, though.

“He’s awake?”

And… their moment was interrupted. Thanks Red.

She’d been walking in and out of the room every so often since getting the bleeding to stop. Her nervousness at the possibility of having done something wrong kept her from staying in the room but also forced her to check in any time her nerves got the better of her. The relief she’d felt when she saw Bill was actually okay was almost palpable.

“Just woke up,” Pine Tree dutifully informed her. His grin practically screamed “I told you, you could do it!” and Bill refrained from rolling his eyes. “I gave him some medicine and water.”

Red gave a wide smile. “Alright, I’ll let everyone know.” And in the next second she was gone.

Pine Tree glanced at Bill, then belatedly made to get up. “I’ll come with-”

“Wait!”

Bill’s outburst and his hand gripping on to Pine Tree’s arm shocked them both. Bill quickly loosened his hold and collected himself again.

“Hey, Pine Tree. Help me sit up, will ya?” Nice save. It obviously wasn’t the real reason for why Bill did…  _ that _ , but it would give him some time to think of the real reason why he somehow didn’t want Pine Tree to leave.

Bill pulled on Pine Tree’s arm, expecting him to come closer and help, but Pine Tree just blinked, stuck where he was. “What did you call me?”

Bill pointed to Pine Tree’s shirt, thanking hell this nasty child decided to wear the same shirt two days in a row. He didn’t know what he would’ve done to explain calling Pine Tree that otherwise… “Pine Tree. Now come on.” Bill waved his arms, hoping to bring Pine Tree closer. “I don’t want to stare at the ceiling the whole time!”

Pine Tree still looked a little shaken, but followed Bill’s gestures and started helping him up. “Alright, but my name is Dipper.”

Wow. Bill had forgotten how terrible Pine Tree’s real name was. “Yeesh,” he laughed. “Did your parents hate you or something?”

Pine Tree rolled his eyes, pulling Bill up a little too harshly. The sickeningly sweet smile on his face told Bill the harshness was intentional. “It’s a nickname.”

Bill scoffed. “Yeah, well mine’s better.” It really was.

“Well, what’s your name?” Pine Tree asked, setting Bill’s back against the side of the couch. It was a good thing they’d decided to put him so close to the couch rather than keeping him away from such obstructions. Bill wasn’t sure he’d’ve been able to handle being picked up or dragged somewhere else just so he could sit up.

He sighed once he was resting comfortably against the cushioned couch. “Bill Cipher.”

Pine Tree pursed his lips in thought. “Hmm, mine’s better,” he said, voice dripping with fake confidence.

Bill felt himself smile before he could even think about it. “You wish.”

Pine Tree bit his lip. He looked like he was trying to think of something else to say but couldn’t think of anything. Which led to a short awkward silence between the two before a loud squeal captured both of their attentions.

“Oh, he  _ is _ awake!” Shooting Star gasped from the bottom of the stairs. She hopped of the last step and raced to Bill’s side, talking nonstop as she did. Bill momentarily feared for his life. “Hi! I’m Mabel! And this is Pacifica and Wendy and-”

Bill raised his hands. “Hold up,” he interrupted, leaning back into the couch and Shooting Star neared. He did  _ not _ want introductions. “I’m just going to let you know now that if you introduce yourselves to me all at once I’ll never remember your names.” That sounded plausible enough right?

Shooting Star took a moment to think about it before shrugging and backing off. “That’s fair.”

The rest of the group had filed in by the end of their short exchange. Looking around Bill felt like he was at a zoo on the wrong side of the fence.

Red, wringing her hands a bit, took a breath and stepped forward. “Okay, look,” she started off calmly. “I know you probably don’t want to be bombarded with questions right after waking up…”

Bill, who’d since dropped his hands, held one back up reassuringly. “You saved my life.” Hah! “Answering any questions you have is the least I can do.” It was so hard not to laugh.

It wasn’t even half a second before Red shot out, “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

“And what were you doing being chased by a couple of creeps?” Llama added.

Bill took a deep breath.

Here it goes…

“Name’s Bill.” He kept his voice low and calm, but added a little bit of a shake to it for effect. “I was kidnapped last night by the previously mentioned creeps. They were planning on torturing me probably before either cooking me, sacrificing me, or just plain old killing me. I didn’t really care about knowing which one it was...” He let out a nervous chuckle before getting serious again. “I managed to escape this morning, though, and ran as fast as I could in the first direction I saw. Nearly caught me, too,” Bill gestured to the wound, “but I just kept running. Stumbled on this place and figured my chances would be better here…”

Okay, someone needed to give Bill an award. This was the most superb acting he’d ever done! Hell, he almost believed this shit himself! He didn’t, of course. That’d be stupid.

The looks on the group’s faces ranged from disgust to anger. No fear though… Damn.

Shooting Star had her hands over her mouth, and a little tear in her eye. “That must’ve been horrible…” she whispered.

“Now…” Everyone turned their attention to Pine Tree, who looked deep in thought. “Before you passed out, you said that they’d left and wouldn’t come back.” A quick pause, the Pine Tree added, “The backwoods savages, that is,” for clarification. He tilted his head, eyes locked with Bill’s. “Why?”

“ _ Locals _ don’t come here,” Bill replied as if it was obvious. “Only those with a death wish or thrill seekers, like you guys whichever one you may fall under, come here.”

Pine Tree still didn’t get it. “But why?”

“Because of its reputation? Duh?” When no one responded, Bill blinked. Okay, now Bill figured these guys didn’t know the cabin’s reputation. That was pretty obvious from the second he saw them. But they couldn’t even guess? Come on! “You mean you guys don’t know?”

Llama rolled her eyes. “If we did, would we be looking at you like you’re crazy?”

Bill let the comment slide… for now. He sighed. “This place is  _ beyond _ haunted. So much so, that most people who come here think it’s a portal to hell. It showed up a few decades ago, just out of the blue, and since then anyone who’s gone in and stayed the night has been scarred for life. Not one single person has been able to recount what happened while they were here. They’ve all said it’s too horrible for them to say. And everyone who’s gone to prove them wrong or see what they mean has all ended up the same way. They live the rest of their lives scared of everything…”

Now  _ that _ was how to tell a scary story! And one that was  _ actually _ scary, no less.

Llama shot Pine Tree with a look.

Pine Tree made a face in return. “What?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

“First the journal, now the haunted cabin?” Llama demanded, crossing her arms.

Pine Tree’s shoulders slumped, and he groaned. “I would just like to point out that  _ you’re _ the one who demanded we stay here,” he pointed out, pointing an accusing finger at Llama, “and I never would have even found the journal had you not done that, so don’t think you can blame this all on me!” He looked away, another faint blush on his cheeks, and squirmed a bit where he sat. He deliberately avoided everyone’s gaze.

Whoa. Defensive much? What the hell was Pine Tree’s problem? Llama had said  _ way _ worse stuff to him!

Then again, Bill wasn’t going to complain about a fight.

Llama seemed taken aback, clearly not expecting the backlash either. But she brushed it off and smiled as reassuringly as possible. Which… wasn’t that much, to be honest. “Oh, relax, I know it’s not your fault.” Damn it. “We should probably start heading out soon, though. We don’t want to end up wandering around the forest after dark, especially now that we know creeps like those guys exist.”

Wait… what!?

Just as Bill was about to object, Pine Tree cut in, “Leave? We can’t leave yet.”

Llama stared at Pine Tree for a moment in bewilderment. “What the hell?” she laughed, confused. “You’ve been wanting to leave since we got here.” The look on her face practically screamed “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“And that was before we had a stab victim and murderers on our hands,” Pine Tree pointed out. “It’s too risky to move Bill yet.”

Red stepped in. “Dipper’s right. His wound only stopped bleeding an hour ago. Moving him could risk reopening the wound, even if we went slow. I doubt he’d make it to the information center let alone our truck.”

“Yeah!” Even Shooting Star was taking Pine Tree’s side. “And what if those guys attack us after we leave? We took on the responsibility to take care of Bill and we have to hold on to that!” She stood her ground proudly, hands on her hips… then gave Llama a pleading look, puppy dog eyes and everything.

Llama, probably using everything she had, ignored it. “But this place is stupid haunted! I didn’t sign up for a haunting when I came along on this trip!”

“Technically, you didn’t even sign up for the trip, you were dragged along,” Red murmured, not really expecting Llama to hear.

She heard it anyway. “Still!”

Pine Tree sighed, calming himself down. “We have a better chance if we stay here,” he explained ever so rationally. “You know that. Just one more night.”

Llama tried standing her ground as Shooting Star had, but she went lax as she gave in. “Fine…”

“Besides,” Pine Tree smiled, “it’s just a haunting.”

Hold up.

Just a haunting?

_ JUST  _ a haunting!?

WELL, EX _ CUSE YOU _ !

You think it’s  _ easy _ to make a place be as horrifying as this? To the point where (made up)  _ backwoods savages _ wouldn’t go near it?!

It took work and effort to be as terrifying as Bill! It’s not like you could just throw ectoplasmic blood everywhere and expect it to work. At least not unless you put up some kind of aura of fear around the place. Which was  _ cheating, by the way _ .

No. This was a 100% organic, local, home farmed, grass fed,  _ genuine haunting _ , thank you very much!

And it deserved _ respect,  _ **_damn it_ ** !

A few of the bulbs on the chandelier exploded, causing the group to cry out in shock. Sparks floated down and singed a few places.

Whoops.

Bill had to remember to reign in his reactions to things now that he was in full view of these idiots. Destroying things wouldn’t be an issue, but if it showed on his face they might make the connection…

Red stared up at the chandelier. “What was that? A fuse break?”

Llama suddenly giggled, looking at Pine Tree. “Maybe you offended the ghost that haunts this place.”

Bill was a  _ demon _ , okay. Get it right.

“Well, if we’re going to be staying another night, we better unpack,” Red said to a chorus of groans.

Question Mark looked down at his perfectly packed bags and sighed sadly.

“And maybe we could all stay down here tonight?” Shooting Star asked hopefully. “If something does happen, it’s better if we stay together.” She hid her concern under a layer of seemingly wise advice. At least Bill’s nightmares had done  _ something _ to affect them.

The group agreed and went about picking their spot.

“So what was the deal with Dipper back there?” Llama asked Shooting Star in a whisper while they unpacked. “You know, when he freaked out about the journal and haunted cabin comment?”

Bill noticed Shooting Star glance around then lean in to whisper something in Llama’s ear. She gave what was probably supposed to be subtle hand gestures pointing between Pine Tree and Bill, then recognition light up Llama’s face. And while Bill couldn’t hear what the two were discussing, it apparently involved him and Pine Tree and made perfect sense to Llama.

Shooting Star pulled away with a big thumbs up and a grin, which Llama returned.

Damn it, he wished he knew what they’d talked about.

Shooting Star moved on to Monster and Friend™ next, and it was at this point that Pine Tree took notice.

“Really, Mabel?” he asked, incredulous. Pine Tree apparently knew what they were talking about. “Are you gonna tell  _ him _ too?” He jabbed a finger at Bill, and Bill sat up a little straighter.

“Tell me what?” Oh gods did he want to know.

Pine Tree gasped, face bright red as he realized what he’d done. “Nothing!” he answered a little too quickly. Then he hid his face in his hands, while Shooting Star and the others snickered at his embarrassment.

What the he-

_ Oh _ .

Bill knew what was going on.

The others dispersed quite quickly after that.

The only one who stayed behind was Pine Tree. Bill noticed the way he sighed and fidgeted, and could tell Pine Tree was trying to find something to say in light of the last exchange.

“Thank you for helping me,” Bill said, internally cringing at the words.

But Pine Tree let out a minute sigh, visibly relaxing now that he didn’t have to say anything regarding what had just happened. “Hey, it’s no problem. Really.” He smiled sincerely.

Bill fixed him with a determined gaze. “I mean it.” No he didn’t. “Not a lot of people would bother stepping in to help someone in that kind of mess.” Ugh, this conversation was physically hurting Bill.

Pine Tree laughed a little. “I wasn’t about to let someone die if I could do something to prevent it.” The kid had a hero complex. That’s gonna be perfect to play on when all of Pine Tree’s friends are gone. He gave a nod to the others. “None of us here would.”

Bill half smiled, preparing himself for what he was about to do, and let a sultry gaze cross his face. He met Dipper’s eyes. In a low voice, he breathed, “Then I guess I’m pretty lucky to have found you.”

Pine Tree’s eyes widened ever so slightly, heart picking up and blush spreading back across his face. Subconsciously, he licked his lips.

Nailed it.

Pine Tree broke eye contact and fumbled in getting up. “I’m… gonna go unpack,” he muttered, trying so hard too look like he hadn’t been affected.

Bill grinned and relaxed.

And before anyone got the wrong idea, Bill was definitely  _ not _ interested in Pine Tree.

See, this was all part of his plan. It was more than he usually did and  _ so _ uncharacteristic of him, certainly, but it would be  _ so _ worth it.

Bill was going to pretend to romance Pine Tree to get him back for ignoring him in the closet and kicking him out of his mind. Which is why Bill specifically chose to have a conventionally attractive human body. Why the extra step? Well, Bill had already planned to scare them all, including Pine Tree, so that wouldn’t be good enough for revenge. But scaring someone  _ and _ breaking their precious little heart at the same time? That was.

And now that Bill knew what those girls were talking about, it was going to be so much easier to follow through on.

You see… Pine Tree  _ liked _ Bill.

He was attracted to Bill’s conventionally attractive human form. It’s why Pine Tree was so defensive when Llama (jokingly) called him out in front of Bill. He didn’t want Bill knowing he could make mistakes! Even though Bill  _ did _ know. And it’s why he kept blushing and being generally nervous around Bill. Which was great!

The only problem was that Bill suspected Pine Tree was trying to keep it quiet due to their situation. Probably wanted to wait until this all blew over. It sounded like the smart thing to do, and Pine Tree did like being smart. He’d already tried to ditch Bill once without having a real reason to. Not to mention how he’d completely avoided eye contact when Bill first woke up. Idiot. As if that would really keep him from falling for Bill.

Bill was irresistible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill, you may be trying to get back at Dipper for ignoring you in the closet, but I gotta wonder… what were you doing in the closet in the first place? *sips tea* gaaaaaaaay.
> 
> Another imaginary gold star to anyone who can guess what billdip fanfic I referenced in this chapter! (hint: it’s also about Bill haunting someplace while Dipper is immune, but is infinitely better than my fic XD)
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who’s actually sticking with this story! It means so much to me and I love and appreciate all the comments and kudos! <3 And it shouldn’t be long until the next chapter for once! :D You know… assuming something terrible doesn’t happen…


	7. ...It's Storm Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured Scares:  
> Massive Thirsts, Paul, Republicans, Wet Firewood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, in fact, the second multichapter story I’ve written in which the 7th chapter involves a thunderstorm. Consecutive too! This is the second consecutive multichaptered story I’ve written in which specifically the 7th chapter involves a thunderstorm.
> 
> What the fuck.
> 
> This wasn’t even supposed to be the 7th chapter anyway. This was originally going to be the rewritten ending for chapter 6, but it got too long… Like… 5000 words too long.
> 
> **ALSO ALSO ALSO** : for those who were wondering (and didn’t look through the comments), the fic I referenced last chapter was, in fact, Raised Spirits by BurnerAccount, and I not only recommend that you read it but that you read just about everything else they’ve written as well. And no, I don’t get paid to promote them.

Though… maybe not as irresistible as he thought… It’d been an hour and Pine Tree still hadn’t come to visit him! And with everyone else still unpacking and shit, that meant Bill had no one to entertain him.

What a crime!

It was like he was invisible again.

With a slight bit of panic, Bill checked to see if he actually  _ was _ invisible. But sighed in relief when he wasn’t. What a stupid thing to think, though. If Bill really had been invisible, someone would have noticed by that point.

Now Bill was starting to rethink this strategy. He hadn’t realized how boring this would really be, just sitting on the floor while everyone else around him ignored him once more. If he’d been in his natural form, he could just move about and mess with the others while he waited for the right time, but now he was stuck sitting up against a couch with a hole in his side and nothing to do. He still had hours before the next stage of his plan! How was he supposed to pass the time?

He’d tried striking conversation with any one of the other members of the group, but that ended in disaster. They were either too busy unpacking and setting up, not important enough for Bill to care about, or talked too much (looking at  _ you _ , Shooting Star).

Bill quickly lost interest.

His only entertainment was picking away at the floorboards.

At least until he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Bill looked up, knowing who it was, and grinned.

“Pine Tree!” Oh hell, was that actual happiness Bill was feeling? Well, Pine Tree  _ was  _ the only one who could actually hold Bill’s attention while talking to him. And he  _ was _ what Bill needed to focus on right now in terms of pushing his plans forward… And Bill was really fucking bored.

“It’s Dipper,” Pine Tree corrected, but not really seeming to care that much. He had all of his stuff in his arms and over his shoulders.

“Pine Tree,” Bill corrected, mimicking Pine Tree’s tone. He patted the spot next to him. “You should come set up your sleeping bag next to me!”

Everyone else had already picked their spots and set their stuff up. They’d chosen to stay within the area between the two couches, with the coffee table pushed to the open end between them, effectively making a horseshoe shape with the furniture. Llama and Shooting Star had on couch, as it was long enough for only their feet to overlap while sleeping, while Monster and Friend™ had claimed the other. Leaving Question Mark and Red to take the floor space between them.

“W-Well… I, uh…” Pine Tree took in the situation, looking for a spot, any spot other than the one Bill had offered.

Knew it. There was no reason for Pine Tree to hesitate or say no, and yet there he was, looking around for any other possible place to sleep so long as it was away from Bill. Pine Tree didn’t want to fall in love with Bill just to have his heart broken later on.

It almost hurt, it was so insulting.

Bill would have to step up his game if he wanted Pine Tree falling for him too. The kid was mentally strong enough to be able to keep his feelings down for who knows how long, and Bill didn’t have the kind of time to slow burn it.

“Yeah, it looks like that’s the only free space left anyway.” Bill could practically hear the grin and wink in Red’s voice.

Pine Tree sent Red a brief but very emotional betrayed glare.

Thank gods Pine Tree’s friends were on Bill’s side.

“Please? I’m so lonely…” Bill pouted, bringing up a hand to wipe away a fake tear.

Guilted into it, Pine Tree sighed and dropped his stuff next to Bill. Bill mentally cheered while Pine Tree started setting his stuff up and laying out his sleeping bag.

“So…” Pine Tree started, uncomfortably aware of his friends watching him. Well, all his friends minus Friend™, ironically enough. She was too busy messing with some kind of gadget. “How are you doing?” Pine Tree asked. He glanced at the bandages and actually looked concerned.

Bill grinned. “The meds kicked in and you’re sleeping next to me, so I’m great!” He wasn’t going to be bored anymore!

Pine Tree laughed the comment off. “I think they also made you a little loopy too.”

“It’s not impossible.” Then again, Bill was naturally insane so it was probably just that. He pouted again and whined, “You were gone for so long, where were you?”

Pine Tree choked out a nervous laugh, looking away. “Oh, just… getting my stuff from upstairs so I could unpack down here.”

Liar. Pine Tree had been pacing his room and muttering incoherently to himself for the last hour. Bill should know, he’d kept an eye on Pine Tree ever since he left.

“I hope you got everything. I missed having my nurse taking care of me.” Bill had a soft, sweet smile on his face, but his low voice made it clear just what he was aiming for. Off to the side, Bill could hear Shooting Star gasp as she let out a quiet ‘awww’.

Pine Tree on the other hand lit up bright red.

“I-I, um…” he stuttered and his voice cracked a little. “I’m gonna get some water…”

And in the next second Bill found himself staring at an empty sleeping bag.

Damn it.

Bill slumped back against the couch and ran a hand over his face. For fucks sake, Bill was  _ so _ not patient enough for this! The kid already liked Bill! What the hell was he waiting for here?! Was Bill going  _ too _ fast or something? Was that what was turning him off every time Bill tried flirting? It obviously wasn’t Bill’s flirting skills, that’s for sure. But Bill couldn’t slow down his wooing! Bill needed Pine Tree as in love with him as he could possibly manage within the next twelve hours or so, or else this whole revenge plan would be for nothing!

Well, at least this was better than  _ doing _ nothing.

* * *

...You know, assuming Pine Tree would ever come back.

Seriously, did this boy really need an  _ hour _ to cool down every time Bill flirted with him?! Was this kid just that easily flustered or just really hard to un-fluster? Or both? Probably both.

Okay, and maybe it hadn’t  _ actually _ been an hour. Bill didn’t exactly have a good range of what time it was since he could no longer just materialize a clock, unless he wanted to get a ton of questions from everyone else.

No, the only measure of time Bill had was knowing that Pine Tree’s second disappearance gave Bill enough time to mess around with some of the elements outside the cabin. Elements Bill still didn’t have much control over and thus needed plenty of time to work with.

It was mostly just testing so Bill could get it right when he really needed it, but it was honestly better than what he was doing before. Which was nothing.

“Dipper!” Shooting Star cried out with pointed enthusiasm. “You’re back!”

Immediately, Bill turned as far as he could to see Pine Tree sneaking back in from the kitchen. He was giving Shooting Star a “why’d you do that for?” kind of look, before he noticed Bill staring. Then he gave a shy smile.

“Hey, Bill.”

That bastard was hoping he could get away with Bill not knowing he was there!

No. Bill could not let his anger show. He needed Pine Tree to like him, not avoid him. He kept a part of his cheek in between his teeth, biting down every now and then to keep his anger in check.

Smiling back, no matter how hard it hurt him to do so, Bill let go of his cheek to reply, “Hey, well that was a long water trip. You must’ve been  _ really _ thirsty.” And back to biting.

Pine Tree’s face lit up, once again. “I… I think I left something upstairs,” and he was gone,  _ once again _ .

Bill bite through his cheek.

Okay,  _ what the  _ **_hell_ ** ?! Bill hadn’t even said anything even remotely flirty that time! All he did was mention how thirsty Pine Tree was!

The pain of biting through didn’t even register through his burning anger… also because he instantly healed the wound like he wished he could do with the one on his stomach, but the point was that he was fucking  _ pissed _ .

Bill ran both hands down his face this time, highly tempted to claw his eyes out from pure frustration. If only the others weren’t there…

“Oh no…” Bill heard Shooting Star murmur. Bill dropped his hands so he could watch her get up and follow after her brother. She shot a glance to Bill. “Um, will you excuse me?”

She was going to leave anyway, but Bill waved her off. “Sure thing, Shooting Star.”

Shooting Star blinked at him for a moment, before remembering she was wearing the same sweater as yesterday (Bill would say nastiness must run in their family but it turned out everyone was wearing what they wore the day before. Maybe it was just a hiking thing). She beamed giddily at him, no doubt ecstatic about having her own nickname, then ran upstairs after Pine Tree.

Red and Llama, who already knew of their nicknames from previous attempts at conversing with Bill, followed after. It suddenly occurred to Bill that he’d probably have to find different nicknames for Monster and Friend™ so as not to offend them or something… but he didn’t care enough and had more important things to worry about.

A large mass fell down next to Bill with a ‘fwump’.

Stiffening, Bill turned his head slowly a met the oddly endearing eyes of Question Mark.

“Do  _ I _ have a nickname?”

Bill couldn’t help himself. “You’re a little disturbing, you know that?”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” Question Mark didn’t seem bothered by that at all.

Shaking it off, Bill closed his eyes and tried finding where Pine Tree was in the cabin. He hadn’t bothered much with spying on Pine Tree before since all he did was pace and mutter quietly to himself, but now Shooting Star, Red, and Llama were going to be there and Bill was  _ not _ going to miss out on whatever conversation they might have.

It didn’t take long to find them. Pine Tree wasn’t creative in finding places to hide after all.

By the time Bill had found them and focused in on their conversation, Pine Tree was already pacing his room while his friends tried talking him out of it…

“Dipper…” Mabel sighed, her shoulders drooping with disappointment. “What are you doing?”

“Keeping my distance,” Pine Tree replied, straight faced. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the room.

“Why?”

Pine Tree groaned out of frustration, his hands clenching and unclenching. “Because I don’t need to make this any messier than it already is!” Two questions in and he was already losing his cool.

“But you won’t make things messy!” Shooting Star smiled going up to take one of Pine Tree’s hands in her own. “Don’t you see? He likes you back.”

Pine Tree just gave her a blank look. “He’s also drugged and has a gaping hole in his abdomen.” He yanked his hand from Shooting Star’s grip and went back to pacing, though less ferociously this time.

Red, who was leaning against the wall, hung her head for a moment. Probably some kind of coping mechanism for when she had to deal with Pine Tree’s idiocy. “I’m agreeing with Mabel here,” she finally said after lifting her head back up. “He only interacts with you, half of those interactions are him blatantly flirting, he practically demanded you sleep next to him, and every time you leave he always looks like he’s beating himself up for saying something wrong. Even if he’s not  _ in love _ with you, he’s definitely interested.”

The look she gave Pine Tree could only be described as “ _ why aren’t you getting this _ ”.

Of course, Pine Tree wasn’t even looking at her. He kept his eyes averted, arms crossed, and lips tight together in a thin line. At least when he wasn’t talking.

“And… even if he is, is this the right time?” Pine Tree laughed without humor. “I mean! We’re stuck in a haunted cabin due to murderers roaming the surrounding forest and us taking care of a stabbing victim who’s one sneeze away from possibly bleeding out.” He took a break and locked eyes with them, glaring weakly. “Is this really the time for you guys to encourage me to pursue a relationship with said stabbing victim?” he accused.

All three of the girls collectively sighed, as if they’d rehearsed it. They gave each other a look that was really a silent conversation, then a brief nod.

Llama took the stand. “Is that really what this is about?” she prodded, skepticism coating every letter of her sentence. “Trust me when I say I completely agree that this is the completely wrong situation for pursuing relationships… but we know you better than that.”

“Plus, you’re a terrible liar with terrible acting skills,” Shooting Star muttered in a low voice.

Any anger or frustration Pine Tree had melted away, leaving behind a look of defeated devastation. “...If you guys know me so well then you should  _ know _ why I’m keeping my distance,” he said, his shoulders going limp.

Yeah, but you should still say it out loud so Bill could know too.

Recognition crossed all the girls’ faces, and they shared yet another look that was actually a silent conversation.

Red was the first to speak, her voice laced with concern. “What? You think he’s going to be another Paul?”

Paul? Paul who?

“Dipper…” Shooting Star made for Pine Tree’s hand again but he pulled away and sat on the bed.

“Yeah, I know ‘not everyone is like that’, okay?” he said, as if anticipating what they wanted to say. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen...”

Llama glared at Pine Tree. “First off,” she said, holding a finger in the air, “I  _ know _ you’re not trying to lecture three girls on the problem that is the Not All Men epidemic-”

Pine Tree dropped his gaze sheepishly. “Sorry…”

“-and second…” she sighed, putting her hands on her hips and saying softly (or as softly as she could manage), “if you don’t want to try, you don’t have to.”

“What?!” Shooting Star took the words right out of Bill’s mouth.

“Mabel, please.” Llama hadn’t even spared a look to Shooting Star when she said it, her eyes trained solely on Pine Tree. She crossed her arms over her chest and got back to the problem at hand. “You just can’t keep ignoring him, alright?”

“That’s a dangerous slope…” Pine Tree breathed, shaking his head. “You know how quickly I can fall for someone and I’m already attracted to him-”

“Then, if you fall for him, maybe it’s for a reason.” Llama didn’t seem like the kind of person who would believe in the whole “for a reason” excuse… Then again, maybe Pine Tree did and she was just pandering to him.

Red pushed herself off the wall and put a hand on Pine Tree’s shoulder. “Just talk to him. Okay? If the worst happens… at least you’ll be prepared for it. And you know we’ll be behind you all the way.” She offered a hand to Pine Tree, who took it graciously. Pulling him up from the bed, they pushed him towards the door.

“And who knows!” Shooting Star shrugged, a bright smile on her face now that the issue was resolved. “Maybe you’ll start talking to him and then he’ll say something like ‘I’m a republican’! Then you won’t have to worry about accidentally falling in love with him.”

Bill briefly wondered how badly those so-called republicans must have fucked up to be considered an insult like that…

Pine Tree paused on his way out to turn around and smile at his friends. “Thanks guys.”

“ _ Go _ !” It was like those three had a connected mind when it came to Pine Tree… 

Oh shit, they were coming back.

Bill brought his focus back to his body to get himself ready to pretend like he hadn’t just heard that whole conversation… and frowned.

“-so I  _ totally _ know what you’re going through right here, dude, and if you need any advice, just let me know!”

Question Mark was… still there.

Bill’s face scrunched up in disturbed confusion. “...Have you been talking to me this whole time?”

“Oh, you weren’t listening? Here, let me start over from the beginning-”

Steps from the stairs interrupted Question Mark, thank  _ gods _ , and Bill forced out a small smile.

“Pine Tree.”

Pine Tree smiled back. “Hey, Bill.”

“Did you, uh…” Shit… what was the lie Pine Tree gave for going upstairs again? “...find what you were looking for?”

Pine Tree gave a quiet laugh as he headed over to stand in front of Bill. “No, actually… but um… I did manage to find something else.”

…What? Pine Tree didn’t find anything upstairs except for a lecture from three friends. But Bill blinked innocently. “Really? What?”

Pine Tree bit his lip. “My courage to talk to you.”

_ Wow _ .

Pine Tree was nervous and awkward as fuck saying that line, but for some reason it was absolutely adorable. Which was no doubt  _ not _ the desired effect. He probably wanted it to be really sensual or confident or something, and if anyone else in this room had said that it probably would’ve been. But since it was Pine Tree, it was less like flirting and more like a small kitten gently meowing at you to pet it.

Bill smiled with relieved assurance, letting Pine Tree know he’d done good, and Pine Tree smiled even wider.

...And then Pine Tree noticed Question Mark still sitting next to Bill, ruining their moment. For a few awkward seconds, Bill and Pine Tree just stared at Question Mark, who obliviously stared back.

“Soos,” Pine Tree finally said.

“What’s up, bud?”

Pine Tree subtly gestured to himself and Bill, hoping Question Mark would get the message, but to no avail. So he sighed and said in a quiet voice, “Do you mind…?”

“Mind what?” Question Mark asked at normal volume. Bill had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

That dumb fuck.

Thankfully for Pine Tree’s wounded confidence, his council had chosen that moment to come downstairs and to his rescue. They whisked Question Mark away with whispers, dragging him back to his sleeping bag. Question Mark made a loud “Oh!” once he understood, and Pine Tree started to sigh in relief, only to stop mid sigh at:

“Good luck with your flirting, dude!”

Ouch. If Pine Tree hadn’t been embarrassed before, he sure as  _ hell _ was now.

He bit his lip and blushed furiously, sitting down by Bill’s legs. “I-I’m…”

But Bill waved him off. “Don’t even worry about it.” It was hilariously entertaining to watch, after all. “Besides, I-”

_ BOOM _

Immediately there were various cries of, “What was that?”

And  _ that _ , for anyone wondering… was what Bill had been messing with for the last hour or so… The weather.

“Thunder?”

“We weren’t supposed to get rain this weekend!”

“Whoa!” Friend™ suddenly shouted after she pulled out one of her strange devices. “There is a  _ huge _ storm system sitting right over us! That wasn’t there before!”

Pine Tree gasped, standing. “We need to get the firewood and stuff inside before it starts raining.” And he was gone…  _ again _ !

Gods. Fucking.  _ DAMN IT _ !

Pine Tree was  _ finally _ going to actually  _ talk _ to Bill, and he was  _ still _ running away! And it was  _ all Bill’s fault _ !

Fucking rain clouds must’ve congregated after Bill forgot about them to focus on Pine Tree. Must’ve merged, stewed, and the grew stronger and stronger until now they were a full blown storm. Which, don’t get him wrong, was  _ awesome _ ! Just…  _ so _ not the time for this! The storm was supposed to come  _ later _ ! You know, AFTER Pine Tree started talking to Bill and then fell in love with him!

Also, who the fuck cares  _ that much _ about keeping firewood fucking dry?

Okay, you know what? Fuck it.

Bill healed up the stab wound just enough so that getting up wouldn’t being a bitch, then pushed himself up and limped after Pine Tree, leaving the worried and shocked cries of his name behind him.

There was  _ no way _ Pine Tree was getting off this time!

And if that meant starting his plans a little ahead of schedule, so be it.

By the time Bill had made it to the open backdoor, arm over his wound and grimace on his face, there was already a decently sized pile of wood just inside. Pine Tree worked quickly if nothing else.

The sound of footsteps and worried voices began getting louder, meaning the rest of the group was following in order to drag Bill back to his designated spot on the floor. Huffing, Bill stepped out of the cabin and onto the porch just as those idiots ran into the room.

Bill ignored them and magically let the backdoor slam shut and lock so they wouldn’t follow him out. He could hear them banging on the door and jiggling the handle, but he didn’t bother turning around. There was only one person he needed to focus on right now. 

“Bill!” Pine Tree gaped at him in horror. “What the hell are you doing? You’re  _ injured _ ! You need to be resting!”

Bill ignored Pine Tree’s words. “We have to get inside!” He took hold of Pine Tree’s arm, yanking it towards him so Pine Tree dropped the wood. Then he began pulling Pine Tree back to the door. “You heard your friend, there’s a huge storm coming and you’ll get hurt if you’re out here!”

“I’ll get hurt?!” Pine Tree cried, absolutely incredulous. “You’re already hurt! You shouldn’t be out here let alone  _ standing _ !” But Bill wasn’t listening. Pine Tree huffed and yanked his arm out from Bill’s grip. “Oh damn it all, let me at least get the wood you made me drop.”

Bill turned around in horror. “Pine Tree!”

This was it. Bill didn’t have much control over the storm since nature was it’s own force (which was why he was practicing earlier), but he could direct a bolt of lightning where he needed it. And all he needed to do was aim the lightning a little close to Pine Tree so he could pull him out of the way. Humans, after all, had this thing where if they were saved by someone in a dangerous situation, they’d mistake the adrenaline as love for the person that saved them.

If this didn’t make Pine Tree fall for him and keep him from leaving all the time, Bill didn’t know what would!

...Not that Bill wanted Pine Tree around him all the time of course. He just didn’t appreciate being ditched all the time! Just like he didn’t appreciate being ignored.

Bill gathered the electricity and started dragging it down. The new hairs on his body stood on end from it and he could feel the probing electric tendrils up in the air searching for a spot to land.

With literally not a second to lose, Bill made to pull Pine Tree out of the way (even though the lightning wouldn’t hit him anyway)... but was frozen as he found Pine Tree running for  _ him _ !

The last thing Bill registered before being engulfed in the bright light was the feeling of being pushed over.

* * *

It took a few seconds for everything to clear up, but when it did Bill found himself on the ground and pressed against the side of the cabin, about a dozen feet from the backdoor. Pine Tree loomed over him protectively, kneeling on the ground beside him.

Slowly, Pine Tree pulled back, then gasped.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he rushed. His hands seemed to be at war with checking on Bill’s wound and trying not to do anymore possible damage. “I-I shouldn’t’ve pushed you, you’re injured, I would only hurt you more, but there was lightning, and it could’ve hit you, and you could’ve died- I! Oh god, I’m sorry! Are you okay?”

“I’m… fine,” Bill said, still trying to comprehend what happened. His eyes spotted the red hot coals of the deck where the lightning hit and trailed along the snaking black lines where the electrical current had spread out. Unsurprisingly to Bill, the burnt lines stayed well away from where he and Pine Tree ended up. Finally, after a few more seconds of this, Bill turned back to Pine Tree. “Did you… save me?”

“Maybe?” Pine Tree looked back and forth between the strike spot and Bill, still panicked over possibly hurting Bill even more. “It looks like the lightning didn’t even strike where you were standing, but I noticed my hair standing on end and knew that lightning would strike and I just… reacted.”

“But…” Bill said, staring hard at Pine Tree, “you saved me.”

“I…” Pine Tree took a deep breath, eyes turning back to Bill and staying there this time. “I guess I did.”

No.

No, no, no!

This wasn’t how that was supposed to go!  _ Bill _ was supposed to save Pine Tree! Not the other way around! For fuck’s sake why couldn’t this kid be useless like everyone else that came to this gods forsaken plot of dirt!

“You know… if the lightning had struck the firewood maybe we could’ve used it to start a fire inside,” Pine Tree joked, a smile that definitely didn’t fit the current situation spread across his stupid fucking face.

Bill’s face twisted in disgust and hatred for the most annoying human he’d ever met, but thankfully the most annoying human he’d ever met took it as a sign that Bill’s wound was bothering him.

Pine Tree started helping Bill up. “Come on, we have to get you inside before anymore lightning hits us and so you can rest.”

Bill, using upsetting his wound in moving as an excuse, groaned. He knew what he had to do and he was in no mood to do it. But with a sigh, the backdoor unlocked and out came the rush of overly concerned friends.

“Dipper! Bill!”

And just as the last of the group stepped foot onto the porch, a waterfall of rain began falling from the sky. Like, it was so heavy you could barely see a few feet in front of you.

Fuck it. Bill could be petty if he wanted to.

Even if it meant  _ he _ got wet too.

* * *

Luckily for them, the group already knew where the towels were kept in the cabin. What with needing them before when tending to Bill. So drying off wasn’t an issue. Clothes weren’t an issue either since the group all had spares they carried for emergencies like this. Bill had asked why they only had one set of spare clothing, and apparently it was to save space in their bags. They’d carry more in the summer months but when it was colder out their clothes didn’t get as dirty since they weren’t sweating or jumping into rivers. And since their clothes didn’t get as dirty there was no need to change everyday and completely explained why they wore the same clothes two days in a row.

It was an interesting bit of info for Bill. Whether or not he’d be able to utilize the knowledge later on was still a mystery.

Though… it still didn’t explain the pajamas.

Bill wrinkled his nose as Pine Tree rubbed his head with a towel.

“You know,” Pine Tree started off conversationally, “I still think it’s amazing that in that torrential rain, you bandages stayed completely dry.”

“Well, I was hunched over them, so my back was what got the most wet,” Bill replied once the towel was off his head. Of course, the real reason his bandages were dry was because he’d dried them himself when no one was looking. His wound was far too healed now for them not to be suspicious should they look at it, so Bill would have to keep them from doing something silly like trying to change the bandaging. Unless he wanted to stab himself again.

Pine Tree shrugged. “I guess that makes sense.” It didn’t really make that much sense, but Pine Tree was too distracted to really think it through.

There was a moment of silence before Bill suddenly blurted out, “Why weren’t you scared?”

Pine Tree paused, then looked Bill in the eyes. “Huh?”

“After the lightning hit,” Bill explained. “Hell,  _ when _ the lightning hit you weren’t scared. You hardly even seemed phased by it.” And damn it all Bill  _ would _ find out the reason why! He may not have been able to interrogate Pine Tree before after the closet or the nightmare incidents, but he could damn well interrogate him now.

Red happened to overhear their conversation walking by, though. “You weren’t? Dude that was  _ lightning _ .”

And that got the others’ attentions and suddenly everyone was piping in with similar comments to Red’s.

At least Bill wasn’t the only one weirded out by Pine Tree’s reaction, or lack thereof.

“I…” Pine Tree started once everyone had quieted down, “don’t think it was lightning.” And then after the blank stares, he elaborated, “Or, rather, it wasn’t  _ natural _ lightning. This storm isn’t natural.” He gestured to the raging storm outside. The howling wind had the trees outside bending at unnatural angles. “It just popped up out of nowhere, and from the looks of it it’s like… the most powerful storm we’ve ever seen!”

“He is right,” Friend™ added, fumbling through gadget after gadget in her hands. “A thunderstorm this severe occurring on a late October evening in the Northwest United States is very strange. Not impossible,” she narrowed her eyes, staring at nothing in particular, “but  _ very  _ suspicious…”

“See?!” Pine Tree stressed, even though no one was even disagreeing with him at this point. He was, for some reason, starting to get a little mad. “Plus, there have been mentions of unnatural storms popping up out of literally nowhere all throughout the journal. I’m not about to fuck with nature but it’s more likely the ghost. And if it’s the ghost being a dick, I’m not giving it the time of day. I’ve got more important things to worry about.” He crossed his arms with a sense of finality. He’d made his point.

Outside, a deafening crack of thunder shook the house, and some of the pictures on the wall fell off.

And yes, that was because of Bill.

“You better be careful about what you say,” Llama said, “because I’m pretty sure you just offended it again.”

Pine Tree shook his head, making a face. “I don’t care.”

Yeah, well this “ghost” doesn’t care about Pine Tree either! Asshole just wanted to be a stick in the mud and not play along like everyone else… Bill didn’t need Pine Tree!

...But he did need to scare Pine Tree at least once.

“She’s right,” Bill said, jumping back into the conversation. “You need to be careful-” and not an  _ asshole _ like you have been “-because if this storm  _ is _ because of the thing haunting this place, that means the nightmare is just beginning.”

“Whatever happens, I’m sure we’ll be able to handle it,” Pine Tree said, reassuringly.

Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw SHIT, it’s gettin’ SERIOUS UP IN HERE!
> 
> Also, in which Bill doesn’t understand the double meaning of calling someone thirsty because he hasn’t been exposed to the modern day internet… or modern day republicans… or the hell that was 2016 in general. Lucky soul.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the reviews and kudos! Each one warms my heart a little more! <3 (and encourages me to write faster so... :D)


	8. ...It's Phone Call Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have much to say before this chapter. Mostly because I’m distracted by my WONDERFUL SISTER COMING TO VISIT.
> 
> So… enjoy! :D

**SATURDAY EVENING**

Within seconds, everyone except Bill either had a lit up phone or a flashlight in their hands, and within just a minute, Red had gotten their lanterns and floodlights going.

The new light illuminated Pine Tree’s utterly pissed off expression beautifully.

“And, now there’s a blackout to go with the storm outside.” Pine Tree huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at nothing in particular. “How did I know  _ that  _ would happen,” he snarled sarcastically.

Okay, so maybe Bill didn’t scare or startle anyone with that little power outage move, but this new level of anger Bill was seeing in Pine Tree was pretty good too! The rage twisted his face up in all the right ways. He probably wasn’t actually all that angry but the new lighting created such dark, drastic shadows making him look so much more vicious and-

Ugh! Bill wished he could just take a picture of him right now.

But he’d have to settle for a mental picture.

“Well, you were outwardly insulting the thing causing all of this so…” Shooting Star trailed off sheepishly, messing with her fingers.

“I mean before that,” Pine Tree said, rolling his eyes. “Why do you think I got the firewood inside? The second I heard the storm I just  _ knew _ there would be a power outage leaving us without light or warmth.”

So  _ that’s _ why he was so determined to get the wood!

Llama chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Oh, you’re just mad because the ghost has the best ironic timing.”

Pine Tree froze for a moment. Then he sputtered and blushed, looking away. “Doesn’t change everything else that happened…” he muttered quietly. Hah! Idiot was mad about the power going off after he said they’d be fine? How precious.

“Yeah but…” Red shrugged. “I agree with Dipper. That  _ was _ pretty predictable.”

Wait… predictable?!

“That’s, like, what always happens,” Question Mark added. “Even if there isn’t a storm, the power  _ always  _ goes out in scary movies or games.”

Shooting Star sighed, “It  _ is _ cliche.”

“Not to mention,” Pine Tree said, finally coming out of his self-pity slump, “most of the journal entries include something about the power going out. It’s like this thing doesn’t know how to do anything else!”

Oh! Oh! So Pine Tree thinks he’s some kind of expert on scaring people, huh?! The storm and power outage combo was a tried and true  _ classic _ , you know! There’s a reason why Bill liked doing it, and it was because it  _ worked _ ! And for the record, no one  _ else _ complained that it was predictable!

If Pine Tree didn’t look so fucking adorable right now, Bill would make the chandelier fall right on top of him!

...Not that Bill actually thought Pine Tree was adorable. It was the frustrated pout on his face that Bill liked. Nothing more.

“And seriously,” Pine Tree continued, “what’s it doing? It decides to skip fucking with us last night and  _ now _ wants to do something?”

Red hummed. “I think it did try doing something last night, you know, with those weird ass dreams.”

“So what?” Pine Tree shrugged, clearly not impressed. “It’s going to give us  _ more _ bad dreams? Wow. So scary.”

There was a small pause before they heard Shooting Star whisper, “Much nightmare.”

There were a few short chuckles, though Bill didn’t know what was so funny about what Shooting Star had said, and even Pine Tree cracked a smile.

He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the couch. “Man, what an inconvenience.”

That’s what Pine Tree thought of him? That Bill was some kind of  _ inconvenience _ ?! Oh, he was definitely getting it now! Especially since his angry face was gone and thus much less adorable! Let’s see how much of an ‘inconvenience’ Bill is after…

“Hey… is that a phone?”

Everyone else stopped, listening carefully and-

Yup. That was a phone. Muffled as it was, the shrill ring still tore through the silence.

Red frowned. “This place has a phone?”

Wha-? Of course this place had a phone! Bill made it in the 1980’s, not the fucking 1780’s! Besides, Bill could make this place have anything he wanted, so even if it  _ had _ been built in the 1780’s, it could still have a phone now!

“Where is it?”

The group looked around, those that had been sitting stood up to wander. They followed the sound until they were face to face with closed double doors.

“It sounds like it’s coming from… there.” Red took a couple steps forward.

“Wait.” Pine Tree placed a hand on Red’s shoulder, stopping her as he stared suspiciously at the doors. “How… long has that room been there?”

Aww! Precious lil paranoid Pine Tree.

“The whole time,” Shooting Star answered nonchalantly. “Pacifica and I wanted to explore it, but the doors were locked.”

Llama nodded in confirmation when Pine Tree looked to her.

So he relaxed and let go of Red.

Now free, Red fearlessly stepped up to the doors and turned the handles. The doors popped open with ease. “They’re not locked now…”

She swung the doors open and-

“Whoa.”

Yeah. It was a nice room. Everything was mahogany with the walls covered in book filled bookshelves or fancy looking paintings and nicknacks. You know, the kind of room you’d expect a fancy business man or lawyer to work from. No doubt those kids were probably ogling it a little. Well, save for Llama. Bill could hear the small gasps coming from the group and puffed up a little…

“This place has a  _ landline _ phone?”

...then deflated.

Really?  _ That _ ’s what they’re stuck on? Well, whatever. They probably weren’t impressed anyway since they had someone like Llama as a friend.

“Well, it did pop up in the 80’s, remember?”

No one in the group moved. They all stared at the phone for a moment, then at each other. There was a silent debate. The same silent debate others had in that situation:

Who was going to answer the phone?

Finally, Pine Tree bit the bullet and picked the phone up.

“Hello?” He waited a second, then slammed the phone back down. Bill actually laughed a little at that, despite himself. He couldn’t help it, okay? That was straight up  _ funny _ ! Annoying, but funny.

“Dipper!”

“What’d you do that for?”

“It was just breathing!” Pine Tree said, defending himself. “I’m not gonna waste my time listening to even more cliches!”

Bill calmed himself down (even wiping a tiny tear from his eye), and not a second later, the phone began ringing again.

Pine Tree crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging in defiance. “I’m not answering it this time.”

Friend™ hummed, tapping her chin with her finger. She leaned in close and inspected the buttons. “There should be a way to put it on speakerphone right?”

“There should be,” Shooting Star agreed. She then sighed and picked up the phone after it kept ringing. “Here… let me…” She held the phone up to her ear. “Hello? Look- Yeah, just. Hold on. We’re putting you on speakerphone.” She held the mouthpiece away for a moment as she watched Friend™ work.

“It should be this button, I think.” Friend™ pressed one of the buttons and looked up to Shooting Star.

Moving the mouthpiece back, Shooting Star said, “Is that-” She paused. “Nope. No speakerphone yet and- Hold on! If you’re gonna scare us, at least try to scare all of us!”

Thank fuck everyone else was in the study and had their attention on the phone instead of Bill, otherwise they might’ve seen him banging his head against the couch. Because, seriously? No one else ever had the issue of wanting to do  _ speakerphone _ !

Friend™ continued messing with the buttons, then stood saying, “Alright, that should do it.” She pressed one last button and…

“- _ none of you are taking this as seriously as you should be. _ ”

Shooting Star smiled brightly. “Yup! It’s working!” She and Friend™ high fived while the rest applauded them with light clapping.

Bill groaned and shook his head. These idiots.

But getting back to the task at hand… Like he’d done before, Bill projected his thoughts through the phone, making sure to keep the voice lower than his own to avoid suspicion. “ _ This is not something you should be taking lightly. Others, stronger than you, have fallen insane in between these walls. Their screams still echo through them… _ ”

Faintly, like rolling waves, the sound of screams from dozens maybe even hundreds of people wafted through the air. The sound of thunder only accented the screams.

For a moment, the group actually looked interested.

Bill silenced the screams and continued on in the same slow, menacing voice. “ _ I have heard the things you all have said about me, and I am not impressed _ .”

“Neither are we,” Llama commented dryly, earning a sudden but short choked up laugh from Pine Tree.

...Ignoring that. “ _ You think I am an inconvenience. That I am cliche and predictable- _ ”

“You gave us a power outage caused by a storm,” Pine Tree interrupted, the remnants of his mirth still audible in his otherwise annoyed tone. “Sorry, bud, mother nature has you beat for originality there. Not to mention the whole phone breathing thing.”

Do you mind? Bill was trying to be intimidating here!

“ _ Nightmares don’t affect you. Frightening sights can’t phase you. Storms bore you. But don’t worry, this place has something for everyone. _ ”

“Like an exit?” Llama said in the same bored way as before.

“Or a faster talking villain?” Red chimed this time, yawning.

“ _ Cherish these moments while you can still laugh, because when I’m through with you, you may never want to speak aga- Hey! I see you doing that! _ ”

Shooting Star pouted, lowering the hand she’d been using to mimic Bill.

Honestly, if they had been doing this to anyone else, Bill probably would’ve love them! He probably would’ve given them awards or granted them wishes or something! But because they were doing it to  _ him _ …

The voice growled, “ _ This place is filled to the brim with horrors unimaginable, horrors that will kill you should you give them the chance. _ ”

“Well, where are they?” Llama suddenly shouted, glaring at the phone. “We’ve been here damn near two days now and we haven’t seen shit!” She rolled her eyes, but took a couple deep breaths to control her temper.

Bill gave a humorless laugh. “ _ Oh, you will. Give it time and you’ll wish you hadn’t. Horrors are coming. Your night is about to take a drastic turn. And soon… you will wish that you had left when you had the chance. _ ”

The line went dead.

Red stared at the phone with a raised eyebrow, giving it a thumbs up and a sarcastic, “Sweet.”

The rest of the group had similar looks to them.

Then Pine Tree suddenly gasped. “Wait… wait, oh my god… guys, oh my god!” His panicked voice caught everyone’s attention.

“What?”  _ Now _ they were a little worried.

“I… I think the call…” Pine Tree paused for effect, “is coming from  _ inside the house _ !” A big grin spread across his face and he laughed.

The group’s reactions were mixed between groans and laughs.

Shooting Star draped an arm across Pine Tree’s shoulders. “Oh, Dipping Sauce… You’re terrible!” she giggled, using the arm to drag him out of the study with the rest of them.

“Oh come on, that was perfect! And you can’t tell me no one else was thinking the same thing!” Pine Tree still had a smile when he made it back to Bill.

Bill, for one, didn’t see what was so funny about it.

Wouldn’t a call coming from inside the house make it scarier?

Of course, it’s not like it mattered where the call came from. It’s not like it actually did anything to even remotely throw these guys off  _ anyway _ ! They weren’t concerned or worried! They weren’t even mad anymore!

Pine Tree was  _ smiling _ for fuck’s sake!

Luckily, Bill could use his frustrations to sell his performance.

“You guys don’t seem to be taking this very seriously…” he said once they were back. Twisting his face into one of concern, he continued, “I’ve told you that no one has ever made it out of here sane before, right? I’ve actually  _ seen _ the results of this place! It ain’t pretty!”

“Well…” Pine Tree drew in a bit out of modesty. He shoved his hands in his pockets and half smiled. “We’re not exactly amateurs here.”

“Yeah! We’ve dealt with plenty of ghosts before,” Shooting Star said, letting go of Pine Tree so she could bounce off to her part of the couch.

With Shooting Star no longer wrapped around him, Pine Tree sat on the ground next to Bill’s legs, where he’d been before the storm. Bill wasn’t sure if Pine Tree was aware of it or not, but when he sat down Pine Tree rested one of his hands on Bill’s leg. He probably wasn’t, because Bill knew Pine Tree was nowhere near confident enough to be that forward, so it was probably subconscious.

And he’d probably react hysterically when he realized what he’d done.

Mentally shaking himself of the thought, Bill countered, “What if this isn’t  _ just _ a ghost? What if it’s… something more?” You know, like a  _ demon _ . Which is what he  _ really was _ , thank you very much.

“We’ve dealt with a  _ lot  _ of things before. Don’t worry.” Red smiled and knelt down to hold Bill’s shoulder reassuringly. “And it’s not like we aren’t taking this seriously.”

Sorry…  _ WHAT _ ?! ‘ _ NOT _ like you  _ AREN’T _ taking this seriously’?! HOW?!

Bill shrugged Red’s hand off, not really liking her touching him. He huffed, completely confused, “You were making fun of the ghost right to its face! How is that taking this seriously?”

“Technically, it was right to its voice… not face,” Llama said. She looked bored as ever while inspecting her nails.

“Regardless! It’ll probably try and make this night the worst night it’s ever done!” Bill would know. “We might not even make it out  _ alive _ let alone sane!”

“Hey! Whatever happens, we’ll be able to handle it. And it’s not like we aren’t going to take precautions,” Red said, hands on her hips. She eyed Pine Tree’s hand and gave Bill a weird look he didn’t like.

Bill sighed and brought her attention back to the  _ real _ problem at hand, “We’ll probably see some pretty awful monsters…”

“Then we’ll need some weapons!” Red countered. She took her axe out of its holster and twirled it expertly in her hands.  “I, of course, have my axe.”

Shooting Star gasped and dug through her bag, pulling out that infernal grappling hook. “And I’ve got my  _ grappling hook _ !” She posed with it, smirking. “It can knock someone out easier than you think.”

Pine Tree rubbed a particular spot on his head, pouting. “Yeah, I should know…”

Hah!

“I can use my body!” Monster shouted, flexing her… oh damn. What the hell was she? A wrestler? Who the hell has muscles like that?!

Monster picked Friend™ up by her waist and tossed her up onto those monster shoulders.

Friend™ giggled at the action and held up her bag in one hand and grilling stakes in the other. “And I have my gadgets. Plus these grilling spears appear usable.”

“I’ve got a baseball bat!” Question Mark said next, holding up the bat.

A- wait… a baseball bat? Did Bill even own a baseball bat, what the hell? Where did Question Mark even-

The group stared curiously.

“Where and when did you get that?” Pine Tree asked, taking the words right out of Bill’s mouth… with less profanity.

Question Mark shrugged. “I found it lying around.”

...Okay. Bill wasn’t going to question it.

So instead he turned his questioning gaze to someone else. “What about you, Llama?”

Llama lifted her hand to show off her fist full of rings. Bill gave her a skeptical look.

After all, what kind of damage would some rich girl be able to deal with a couple rings?

“What? You think these rings are just for looking pretty?” she said, reading Bill’s mind. She puffed her chest out and stood tall. “I’ll have you know they’re diamond rings made of titanium and tungsten. You know, some of the strongest metals known to man. My parents had them made specifically so I could fight off an attacker. Not to mention all the self defense classes I’ve taken, coupled with the rings, make these a deadlier weapon than you’d think.”

Well, alright then.

Now there was just one left who had yet to say anything. Bill stared in front of him. “...Pine Tree?”

“Um...” Pine Tree thumbed the strap of his bag, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

“He’s our strategist!” Shooting Star jumped in matter-of-factly. “He doesn’t need weapons! If something happens, he’ll know what to do.” The rest of them nodded along.

“Maybe…” Pine Tree said “but I’d still feel better if I had something to protect myself besides logic.” Frowning, he dropped his bag and left the room. Bill’s leg was cold now…

“Dipper!” the group called after him. They heard a door shutting once, then once more after a few more moments. And soon enough, Pine Tree was back in the room, a little soaked but with a shovel in hand.

He smiled at the shovel, saying, “This could work. After all, you don’t need expertise to know how to whack something with a shovel.” Pine Tree shrugged and took his place by Bill’s side again.

“Well… great!” Not great. “You guys seem really prepared.” Which was a  _ huge _ problem for Bill.

“Told you.” Shooting Star grinned smugly.

There were a few small chuckles, then silence. The group shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting, waiting.

“So…” Friend™ murmured slowly after a few minutes of that uncomfortable silence.

“Now what?” Llama finished for her. Then when no one responded, “Come on! It warned us that shit was gonna go down, but nothing is happening! Again!”

“It’s probably just waiting until we drop our guard.”

No one likes a know-it-all, Pine Tree.

“Well, I’m tired of waiting!” Llama shouted, stomping her foot. “All this ghost has done is warn us of its powers and how it’ll terrorize us, but every time it just falls flat! Or doesn’t do anything at all!”

“You’re telling me…” Red huffed. “Just once I’d like to see this ghost actually live up to what it says!”

Well, you know what? If you all hadn’t been so difficult to scare maybe you would’ve seen some shit by now! Don’t go around blaming the ghost-demon for being bad at it’s job just because you all can’t hold your end of the bargain up!

“So what do you wanna do to pass the time?”

Bill let  _ that  _ conversation fade from his attention. He knew just how long they’d be waiting, and he had his own way to pass the time. Silently, he watched as Pine Tree dug the journal out from his bag, opening it up and using a flashlight to study it while being completely oblivious to the fact that he was being studied himself. Bill needed information, he needed Pine Tree to like him. And until progress was made, Bill wasn’t doing anything.

Giving Pine Tree one last look over, Bill opened his mouth to say something and-

“Hey.” Damn it, Shooting Star! She leaned over the couch’s armrest getting both Bill and Pine Tree’s attention. “So… nothing is happening right now so we were gonna play a card game. Wanna join?”

Pine Tree half smiled, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m good.” Then he turned back to the journal.

Shooting Star slumped, whining. “Aw! Come on, Dip Dop! Don’t flake out just ‘cause you know you’re gonna suck at it.”

Pine Tree’s head shot back up with a bright blush. “I’m fine over here.” The underlying message of ‘but not because I’d suck at it’ was not missed by Bill. Nor was the short glance Pine Tree had sent his way. “Besides, I’m busy with nerd stuff.” He dangled the journal towards Shooting Star.

She shuddered, flinching back from the journal. “Lame. Bill? What about you?”

“Mabel,” Llama hissed, almost too quiet for Bill to hear. “Why are you even asking, you know he’ll just do whatever Dipper does.”

Bill really didn’t want to prove her right… but he had specific plans that involved Pine Tree. He half smirked, shrugging. “No thanks. I’d just wipe the floor with you all, anyway.”

Shooting Star pouted and turned back around to Llama who said, “ _ Told you _ .”

When Bill turned back to Pine Tree, he found him smiling shyly at him. Bill smiled back.

_ Now _ will the damn kid talk to him? There was no more distractions! No more boundaries! Let’s  _ go _ !

Pine Tree bit his lip and averted his gaze. “S-So…?”

...Oh great.  _ Bill _ had to come up with something to talk about.

“So… How’s it going?”

Pine Tree stared blankly for a moment. Then Bill’s words actually sank in and they both laughed.

“That’s one way to break the ice,” Pine Tree said, still laughing.

“Yeah, and a great way to make yourself look like an idiot-” which Bill could never be. “Ask ‘how’s it going’ in the middle of a real life nightmare.”

“I probably would have said something worse, to be honest. Something like… ‘wonderful weather we’re having’!” Pine Tree’s point was punctuated by a timely crack of thunder.

Bill smirked, an idea coming to him. “You know,” he started, stressing his words comically, “I really just  _ love _ what you’ve done with the place. Are these antique floors?”

Pine Tree broke into a grin. “Thank you for noticing!” He caught on quick. “They are! So antique that they’re  _ haunted _ . My husband tried to talk me out of getting them, but being haunted by ghosts really helps the kids build character.” Pine Tree had to pause from laughing too hard, but in between he managed to say, “But enough about me, how are you?”

Bill shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Got stabbed with a trowel. So inconvenient, but you know how it is.  _ Murderers _ these days, pff, what can you do?”

Pine Tree had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing too hard. Bill found it strangely contagious. He was also well aware that the rest of the group wasn’t focusing very hard on their card game, but he didn’t really care. All he could think of right now was:

Fucking  _ finally _ .

* * *

For some reason, Bill found that talking to Pine Tree was surprisingly easy. Probably because if Bill mentioned something obscure, Pine Tree would get it and continue on the conversation. The kid was pretty interested in conspiracies and oddities, as well as history. So naturally, he and Bill had a lot to talk about.

“Not gonna lie…” Pine Tree said after a rare lull in their conversation. He shrugged sheepishly. “I’m a little disappointed nothing’s happened yet… I mean, there was all this talk at the beginning, but we’ve been sitting here for hours now.”

Hours? Oh please. It had been like an  _ hour _ at most. It’s not like he had actually been talking to Pine Tree for more than one hour after all.

“You’re gonna jinx it, you know,” Bill halfheartedly warned, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” Pine Tree sighed. He pulled his phone out and checked the time. “But at least we won’t all be bored… I mean, really, it’s been over three hours since that stupid phone call!”

Oh? Does being forced to sit around and do nothing because your entertainment is being an asshole bother you, Pine Tree? Boo hoo. Bill surely has no idea how that feels.

Wait…  _ three _ hours?! There was no way!

Bill shook it off though. “Weren’t you mad before? Because the ghost was finally doing something?”

Pine Tree shrugged again. “A little, but I had other reasons to be mad. And I was more upset that there was general paranormal stuff, rather than the ghost was specifically doing something. I just wanted this weekend to be  _ normal _ , you know?”

Bill hummed. He was getting close to something useful, he could just feel it. “So you guys do things like this often? Go out and hunt ghosts?”

“We used to.”

_ Knew it _ . Only those with experience with the paranormal would be this hard to scare.

“We haven’t done as much anymore,” Pine Tree continued, “but yeah, we would go out to haunted places for fun. Maybe even try and get rid of whatever ghost or being was haunting the place. Sometimes we got paid to. It was good money for kids still in high school.” He smiled as he reminisced on his past experiences.

That’s why these kids were so much harder to scare. They weren’t just those typical ghost hunting teams that would go places to get “proof” of the paranormal or something, then get scared halfway through when the floorboards creaked. They were actually experienced  _ exorcists _ (whether or not they called themselves such). Adrenaline junkies who got off on messing with forces they had no real business with.

And they’d been doing this since at least high school which meant… wait… how old were these guys again? They still looked kinda young… but weren’t teenagers anymore?

Whatever. It didn’t matter how old they were, the point was that they had at least a couple years of experience successfully exorcising ghosts.

Which was all the background Bill needed to know.

Now he just needed to do what ghosts couldn’t do.

“Wow…” Bill breathed out in awe. “That’s… incredibly stupid.”

Pine Tree laughed, catching Bill off guard. “Right?! You’d think after the first few times we almost died, we would’ve stopped, but instead… here we are! You’d think after all these years we would’ve learned our lesson! And yet, we’re sitting in a haunted cabin with powerful ghost out for our heads because we couldn’t help being sarcastic jerks to it.”

‘Sarcastic jerks’ was an understatement. But not to worry. Those brats would get what was coming to them…

CRASH!

In an instant, the group was up and armed. So much for waiting to catch them off guard…

For a few moments, there was no other noise, but the group remained where they were. Then, the sound of breaking wood and heaving footsteps started to reverberate through the air, gradually getting louder and coming from the kitchen. There was a door to a hallway that led outside from there, after all. Perfect for this.

Pine Tree, kneeling next to Bill, reached across protectively. Probably preparing himself to pull Bill along when they futilely tried to run away.

“Do you think you can stand?” he whispered right in Bill’s ear.

Feigning fear, Bill whispered back, “If it could get me away from here, I could do a cartwheel.”

Pine Tree wasted no time in helping Bill to his feet as silently as possible, and let Bill use him as a human crutch.

The sounds were getting louder and louder now. A crash (the door in the kitchen) left everyone backing up to put space between whatever was coming for them.

Seconds later, the mystery noise maker showed itself.

The floodlights the group had turned on dimly illuminated the figure. Somewhere in between six and seven feet tall and thick enough to get stuck in door frames, the masked man and his heavy feet stepped into the main room. He took one look at the group and pulled a massive chainsaw from a holster on his back.

“Time to die,” he laughed in a gravely voice.

“What do we do?” Question Mark asked, voice quivering slightly. The giant pots he had in his hands clanging together- Wait.  _ Pots _ ? What happened to the bat?! How did he get the pots?!

No, no. That wasn’t important right now.

Pine Tree’s grip on Bill tightened, frowning. “This thing is no doubt some minion of the ghost. We have to stop it.”

Red twirled the axe in her hands. “I’m on it.”

Shooting Star’s eyes widened. “You mean  _ kill _ him? What if he isn’t some ghost minion though?!” There was always that one person in the group too squeamish for murder… adorable.

Llama grabbed onto Mabel’s arm, holding her back. “I think the general rule of thumb is if someone is trying to kill you, it’s okay if you kill them first!”

Red stepped forward, standing square against the intruder. “Well then here we go!”

She curled her arm back and swung. The axe flew from her hand, spinning in the air until it imbedded itself right in the middle of the intruder’s chest.

The intruder stumbled back. His heavy feet pounded the ground beneath him as he tried keeping himself upright. He staggered one last time and… laughed.

Grabbing hold of the axe’s handle, the intruder gave a swift pull and yanked it out. Blood pooled from his chest, and he threw the axe to the ground. It’s bloody blade splattering the floor where it landed.

“Should’ve seen that coming…” Red murmured, hands clenching with nothing to hold on to now.

The group glared as the intruder held up his chainsaw. It revved and growled, and from in between the horrid sounds came the voice from the phone… 

“ _ The horrors are here. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say it with me now: FUCKING FINALLY
> 
> Does it really take me 8 chapters before I finally manage to get to the plot of my stories? Is this like… what’s bound to happen every time?! Come on now! Surely I have better plotting skills than this!
> 
> Also, I think it’s now come to my attention that this will be longer than I’d originally planned it to be. 10 to 15 chapters? HAH! I LAUGH AT MY EXPECTA-weeell okay so the 15 part wasn’t so unreasonable. But it’s definitely looking to be more along the lines of 15-20 chapters if my recent planning has any say in this…
> 
> Thank you to everyone who’s commented and kudos-ed! It’s thanks to you that I can keep posting as semi-often as I do :D


	9. ...It's Trap Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND we’re back on track! :D Man, good thing there wasn’t a cliffhanger or anything last chapter, right? Otherwise this longer than usual wait would be basically torture! Haha! Haha... ha....... (I'm sorry)
> 
> But here's the next chapter! :D If anyone needs a refresh on what's happening, there's a button for the last chapter at the top of the page.... I know you all know that but... still... it's there... anyway
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Scatter!”

Red kicked the floodlight next to her foot in, with Pine Tree doing the same with the floodlight next to him and Llama pouring some kind of liquid over the fire. And with both the floodlights broken and the fire out, darkness engulfed the room once more, followed by the sound of footsteps running in different directions.

Bill tried to pay attention to where the rest of the group went, but felt himself being haphazardly dragged around then thrown against a wall. If his wound hadn’t been mostly healed, that would’ve really hurt.

“Sorry,” came a whispered reply in his ear.

At least he knew where Pine Tree was.

Bill tried sitting up. “What are-”

“Shh!” Pine Tree shushed, just as quiet as before as he pushed Bill back down. “Don’t make too much noise.”

For fuck’s sake how many times was this kid gonna throw Bill against walls for his safety?

Bill grumbled, shifting to a slightly more comfortable position. His eyes got a little more used to the light, but only just enough that he could see Pine Tree hovering over him. His face mere inches away from Bill’s.

Bill glared at him with a mix of shock and fear. “What are you doing?!” he hissed.

“He can’t kill us if he can’t find us,” Pine Tree explained calmly, probably to help Bill not feel scared. “He can’t see very well through that mask, I bet, so the darkness will give us better cover, and with his heavy footsteps we can hear him if he gets too close.” The heavy stomping of the intruder and his grunts and yells in the background only accentuated Pine Tree’s point. “It won’t give us much time, but it gives us enough to figure out a gameplan.”

Shit. Pine Tree was right.

Not because the murderer couldn’t find them, but because  _ Bill _ couldn’t. He didn’t know where the rest of those idiots went and the darkness sure as hell wasn’t helping. Not even looking through his minion’s eyes would work, because Pine Tree was right,  _ again _ , in that the mask blocked most of his vision!

How was he supposed to direct the minion on where to attack when he didn’t know where the minion needed to attack?!

Ugh! If he could just go into the mindscape, he could see where their minds were and use that, but he couldn’t turn his body to stone with Pine Tree’s death grip on him! He’d blow cover!

Looks like he’d just have to put the minion on autopilot for now…

“Good, I found you.” Bill definitely didn’t jump when Red suddenly kneeled down next to them. She spoke quickly. “I’ve got Candy, Grenda, and Soos distracting that monster for now. Mabel and Pacifica are hanging back on stand by. So what’s the plan?”

Wait, when did she do that? At what point in between Bill’s minion showing up, everyone scattering into  _ different directions _ no less, and Red finding them did she make time to explain to five other people what they needed to do while she wandered aimlessly trying to find Pine Tree to form a plan?!

“He’s unkillable, incredibly strong, and  _ big _ ,” Pine Tree started explaining as if he wasn’t also confused about Red’s words. “We can’t overpower him without risking one of us getting killed, but we can’t keep running forever. We might be able to trap him, though.”

Jeez, Pine Tree was saying all this with complete confidence. Like the kind of confidence he usually lacked. Not even a moment of hesitation! No wonder no one else had been worried that he didn’t have a weapon of his own earlier.

His mind truly was the best weapon he could have.

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

“By separating him from his weapon, first. Then while some of us do that, the rest of us can set up a trap upstairs.”

“Then what?”

Pine Tree actually paused. “...I’ll let you know when I figure that out.”

“And how do you suggest we get that weapon away from him?” Bill asked. He needed to know how to stop them from doing so, after all.

Pine Tree hummed, and Bill, from the little light there was, could see the gears working in his head. It was… really fascinating actually. Seeing Pine Tree problem solve was more interesting than Bill wanted to admit. The way his eyes darted around imaginary strategies in front of him, the way his brow furrowed as he worked them out in his mind.

Bill could’ve watched that all day.

He wasn’t the only one either. Red had her eyes trained carefully on Pine Tree, preparing herself for whatever orders he’d give.

Suddenly, Pine Tree’s head shot up. He’d thought of something.

Rapid-fire, he told Red, “Wendy, go trade places with Candy. Tell her and Pacifica to meet me upstairs, then get Mabel over here protecting Bill. Use everything you know to get that chainsaw out of his hands, then lure him upstairs when I give the signal.”

Red nodded, “Understood,” and left.

Then Pine Tree turned to Bill. With a gentle touch he said, “Bill, I’m gonna have to leave you here for a moment. Mabel will come over in a matter of seconds, though, and with that monster distracted, you’ll be safe… for now. Don’t move from this spot until I come back to get you, okay?”

He gave Bill a brief smile and then sprinted for the stairs.

Wait… Wait! No! That wasn’t the fucking plan!

Pine Tree was fucking  _ abandoning _ him?!

What was Bill supposed to do, sitting on the floor like this while stuff was happening? Nothing?!

This was the worst place for Bill to be while trying to direct a murdering minion to absolutely terrify them!

“Bill, there you are!”

And Pine Tree left  _ Shooting Star _ in charge of watching him?! Fucking kill him now. Please.

Shooting Star grinned and kneeled down next to him. She whispered brightly, “Don’t worry, Bro-Bro has a plan to take this sucker down.” As if that was supposed to make him feel better!

Ugh,  _ great _ ! Bill finally gets to the fun stuff, and instead of enjoying it he’s sitting behind the staircase in the foyer in a house so dark Bill only just realized that’s where he was. All while the minion he created is stomping around, more blind than him with no idea where or how to attack those stupid little humans who are  _ trying to fight back _ . And Bill can’t even intervene in some way without blowing his cover.

Not to mention, this being the worst part, that Pine Tree fucking  _ ditched him _ and then left him with  _ Shooting _ fucking  _ STAR _ !!

Could this get any worse?!

A loud crash and a jagged scream from the minion told Bill, yes… yes it could get worse.

Bill checked in on his minion and- oh! Apparently Red picked up her axe while she was keeping the minion busy and then hacked his arm off.

This whole scene was just utterly disarming.

...and not even terrible puns could make him feel better!

Bill shifted his focus, trying to find out if there was anywhere in the cabin he could see. The main room was a no-go, obviously. But maybe he could find the others upstairs, where ever they were.

He scanned through the rooms until-

There!

Waving flashlights and wobbly phone lights vaguely illuminated the… dirty room? What were they doing in there? Clearly messing around with some stuff, but apparently the actual trap they had was done because they weren’t messing with it anymore. Which either meant it was a really simple trap or Bill hadn’t been paying attention for longer than he thought.

“Are we sure this’ll work?” asked the ever cynical Llama. Even with dimmed vision, Bill could always pick her out by her whiney voice.

“We’re hoping it will.” Pine Tree ran out the room, careful to step over something just inside the doorframe, and over to the top of the stairs. “Guys! It’s not worth it, we have to run!” Then he stepped back inside, calm as ever.

So that was the signal.

Bill could hear the steps of Red, Monster, and Question Mark running away from his minion, headed upstairs.

For a second, the minion didn’t move. Bill wouldn’t let it.

He knew that those brats had set up a trap for the minion. And he knew where the trigger was. Letting the minion fall into it would only give the group a chance to become confident that they could beat Bill. They’d be too smart to try and fight the minion before it fell into the trap, though. They’d wait out in the back corners of that room until dawn before engaging the minion again. So it was either let the minion fall into their trap or get rid of the minion all together!

The only other alternative was having the minion target him and Shooting Star. But Shooting Star, as horrible as it was to say, would not be unable to defend herself. Meaning Bill would have to target himself and that would get  _ way _ too complicated.

Damn it!

Oh! But wait… what if the minion stepped over the trigger? Bill saw Pine Tree step over it so he knew where it was! And if the trap doesn’t go off, then Bill would be cornering most of the group in a small room! Oh, the possibilities!

Bill almost grinned.

Red started sneaking down the stairs, just to see what the minion was doing, and jolted as the minion began running for them.

Well… running, jumping from one foot to the other because you’re too massive to actually run… same thing.

“He’s coming!”

Shooting Star crouched down, pulled Bill even farther back into the corner so neither of them would be seen. The movement twisted Bill in a way that it strained his barely there wound, and he scowled. At least Pine Tree took care to not twist him while manhandling him. Not like hiding more actually did anything, though. Bill was almost tempted to cough or something, just to see what her reaction to his minion finding them would be.

But he had more important matters to attend to.

The minion stomped up the stairs. Its body caused the wood to creak and groan.

And it’s a good thing Bill knew this cabin like the back of his hand, otherwise his minion would’ve been running into every wall there was on the way up. Curved staircases were not navigable in the dark.

Bill’s minion only stopped when it reached the room the others had camped in.

This would be harder.

Bill knew the layout of the cabin and could avoid structural obstacles, but this was something new… He only vaguely remembered where Pine Tree had stepped, and that was  _ with _ light and less obstructed eyesight. Stepping right up to the doorframe, the minion paused then carefully lifted one foot up and over the trigger.

The foot touched the ground gently, then when nothing happened, Bill had the minion place its full weight into the room.

“Now!”

Wait, what?

Everyone who was in the room pulled on a rope, which then led to a rope tightening itself around the minion’s ankle.

Oh… that wasn’t the trigger. That was the  _ trap _ .

Another massive pull, and the minion’s foot was ripped out from under it, causing it to tower back and fall to the ground. Then they pulled  _ again _ , and the minion was dragged into the room before it or Bill could react, which triggered  _ another _ trap that had every piece of carefully placed heavy furniture in the room fall on top of the minion, pinning it down.

...Well,  _ great _ .

Somehow, despite the fact that Bill was  _ in _ the group and could look in on any room in the cabin, he managed to fall right into the trap these assholes prepared for him.

How  _ embarrassing _ …

Oh well, it’s not like the chainsaw wielding maniac had actually scared them anyway. Or rather, scared them enough to not retaliate. Really it was for the best.

The cheers were short-lived, though, as everyone in that room ran past the minion and down the stairs in a hurry. At least now Bill would be able to see them frantically try to leave the cabin before anymore horrors showed up. Now that they had a taste of what was in store for them, they’d no doubt be dying to get out! And that panic would be nice to see for a change.

Footsteps tumbled down the stairs as they got closer, phones and flashlights on so they could see again, and Pine Tree came into view first, hopping off the last step… with  _ pep _ ?

He rubbed his hands together and announced to Shooting Star and Bill, “We’ve got Jason Rip-Off dealt with and trapped upstairs, but we don’t know for how long. So we should leave while we still have the chance.”

Now… they were the words Bill was expecting, but they were said so… so…  _ casually _ .

The words should have been spoken with urgency, a slight but serious sort of tremble mixed in. You know, as if they’d just taken down a giant unkillable monster in a haunted cabin, not as if they were trying to decide what to do after the movies!

Shooting Star hopped to her feet. “Sweet!”

Seriously!? The second Bill’s minion was down for the count, they stop giving a shit?! It was still  _ up there _ , you know! Bill could get it up and moving in seconds, stop ignoring that!

“Leave?” Llama asked, just as infuriatingly calm as Pine Tree. “You realize there’s still a raging storm outside, right? And those backwoods assholes?”

Pine Tree shrugged. “The options are get wet and on the off chance run into someone we might have to kill, or stay here and fend off an immortal monster all night. Take your pick.”

“I mean, I’m not disagreeing, I’m just reminding you of the other stakes we have here.”

Oh, sure! Because you’re all just  _ so concerned _ about what happened that you need to consider the  _ other options _ !

Damn it all!

And the worst part was that Pine Tree hadn’t even checked in on him yet! He left Bill, injured and at the mercy of a chainsaw murderer, and wouldn’t even check that he was okay?! He thought Pine Tree cared about him!

Well, good luck leaving  _ now _ !

...Not that Bill letting them leave depended on whether or not Pine Tree checked up on him.

Pine Tree the Deserter walked over to the front and pulled at the doors.

And pulled.

And pulled.

Pine Tree frowned. “They’re… locked?”

“Then unlock them!” Shooting Star offered ever so helpfully.

“They are!”

“Let me try,” Red said, gently nudging Pine Tree out of the way. She checked the locks and grasped the handles firmly before pulling. No give. “What the fuck? This is just like what happened when you and Bill ran out the back door earlier!” She kicked the doors out of either a vain last attempt to open them or frustration. Maybe both. “No matter how we tried to open it, the doors just wouldn’t budge.”

Pine Tree looked over to Question Mark and Monster pleadingly. “Soos? Grenda? Can you maybe… ram it down?”

They both gave each other a look before nodding and running to ram the door down together. With a triumphant yell… they slammed into the doors and crumbled into a painful puddle in front of them. The doors didn’t waver.

“...No,” Question Mark moaned pitifully from the floor. “Ow…”

“So we’re just locked in here?” Red said, not really asking as the answer was rather obvious.

Llama stared at her like an idiot. “Uh, you know windows exist right? Let’s just bust them open, this place has a ton of them.”

Question Mark groaned, standing up. “Here, you can use my bat.”

Why did Bill even bother trying to keep up with Question Mark? At least it was the bat again and not something else completely random that Bill didn’t even own. Like… a pizza tray or something.

Red rolled her eyes, but grabbed the bat anyway. Lining it up with one of the windows next to the front doors, she aimed and swung. The bat snapped in half, but the windows didn’t even vibrate from the aftershocks that should have been there from the bat hitting it.

She turned to Llama, deadpanned and holding up the bat. “ _ Wow _ , you’re right! That just worked  _ so well _ !” The combo of Red’s emotionless face and her happily sarcastic tone had Bill mentally doubled over with laughter.

“Maybe there’s another window…?” Shooting Star suggested weakly, keeping an eye on the seething Llama glaring daggers at Red.

Pine Tree sighed, arms crossed over his chest. “If we can’t break through this one, you can bet we won’t be able to break through the others. No ghost that has the ability to make impenetrable exits would stop at reinforcing just one set of doors and a window. Besides, we don’t have the time to check. Jason Rip-Off is bound to be getting up any minute now.”

“So what do we do?”

Pine Tree hummed in thought for a moment. “Wendy? You hacked his arm off right?”

“Yeah,” Red said, nodding.

“And it hasn’t grown back…” Pine Tree muttered mostly to himself. Then he made a face, knowing what he’d have to ask was pretty steep. “How do you feel about hacking off his other arm and legs?”

Red grimaced, but nodded once more. “If that’s what we have to do.”

Okay, why were these guys so fucking experienced in taking down non ghost related enemies?! They were exorcists, sure, but they exorcised  _ ghosts _ . And Bill knew for a fact that ghosts couldn’t produce obstacles like what he’d just made! And it’s not like ghost exorcists ran into other types of enemies!

Now,  _ maybe _ they ran into a couple low level demons which, when possessing a human body, were basically indistinguishable from ghosts. But still!

That was an immortal  _ chainsaw murderer _ ! No one deals with that while hunting ghosts! That’s why Bill brought it out after Pine Tree mentioned being ghost hunters for fun!

There was absolutely no reason why these guys would be so okay with everything going on!

None!

They should’ve been feeling completely out of their element! Not hopping down stairs and talking about cutting someone’s limbs off like they were just gonna tie them up!

Did… did Pine Tree  _ lie _ to him about being ghost exorcists? To make himself look cooler in front of Bill? Was there some other, underlying reason why these assholes were the way they were?

No. Bill would’ve know if Pine Tree was lying to him. There was probably just more to the story.

And damn it Bill was going to find out.

Llama sighed, clearly just barely holding her temper in. “Well, then let’s  _ go _ and get this over with. The sooner we deal with this the better.”

Pine Tree nodded, but rather than heading back up the stairs like the deserter he was, he headed straight for Bill. Oh? So was he finally going to pay attention to Bill now?

Pine Tree kneeled down next to him, smiling apologetically. “Hey, sorry for leaving you like that. You must’ve been pretty confused. Or scared…”

Well… at least Pine Tree had the decency to apologize for his rude behavior. Bill could forgive him for that, at least.

Bill sighed, and said softly, “Only scared you’d get hurt.”

In the dim and erratic lighting, Bill almost missed Pine Tree’s blush. Pine Tree held out a hand. “Here, let me help you up.”

Bill happily accepted the offer, leaning against Pine Tree like his own personal human crutch. He was glad to finally get to move around again. Once he was situated, he looked around… then frowned.

Shooting Star was playfully glaring at him.

Bill scrunched his face in confusion. “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Shooting Star hummed. She turned to Llama, though, and quickly whispered, “I had my hand out for ages, and he didn’t even notice! Too busy hoping Dipper would help him up perhaps?”

“Why are you saying that like a question, of course that’s why he didn’t notice.” Llama had her back to him, but Bill just knew she was rolling her eyes.

Well, whatever. Judge all you want, but Bill would be getting the last laugh when this was all over. Besides, if the option was between Shooting Star and… well  _ anyone _ really, then he’d always pick the other person regardless. He just couldn’t deal with her brand of… everything. So it had nothing to do with Pine Tree.

Everyone else had to go up the stairs first, as Bill would need to move slowly so as not to agitate the wound he didn’t know why he still kept. Seriously, they couldn’t see the wound so why have it?

But it did give Bill some sort of alone time with Pine Tree. Time he could use to his advantage.

“You know,” he started slowly. “You don’t seem that concerned about the fact that we’re trapped in here.”

“It’s not the first time I’ve been trapped by something like this, and it won’t be the last,” Pine Tree stated matter-of-factly. “This isn’t that much different from the other times either. It just has different obstacles.” When Bill didn’t say anything in response, Pine Tree paused on the stairs, looking at him with a gentle smile. “Hey, I’ll get us out of here. Don’t worry.”

Bill nodded. “Okay.” And they kept moving.

Great, Bill wanted answers and instead he got reassurance for something he didn’t need reassurance on. Thanks Pine Tree! Always so helpful talking to you!

Still, there were things Bill could do in the meantime while he tried to find better information. They’d be generic scares that could work for anyone rather than individually tailored scares, so a little off brand for Bill, but this whole damn weekend was off brand for Bill so why not roll with it.

To start things off, Bill made sure to make a few things disappear. A few important things.

When they finally caught up with the others, Red was stationed in front of the door, axe at the ready.

“We need to be careful,” she warned. “This guy still has one arm and could very easily try to fight back.”

Everyone braced themselves. Pine Tree took a step back towards the stairs, ready to run with Bill should the worst happen. They all gave Red a nod, showing her they were prepared. Red nodded back.

Squaring up, she kicked open the door and-

She stared in the room, eyes wide and mouth open.

“...He’s  _ gone _ .”

The group rushed over to see that Bill’s minion had, in fact, disappeared. They all gasped and murmured amongst themselves while Bill mentally sighed. What did they expect? The minion wasn’t doing its job so why would Bill keep it out? And they weren’t even noticing the real change Bill had made! The minion wasn’t the only thing missing!

“You think he could be hiding?” Shooting Star asked, worriedly. She stepping inside carefully, sweeping her flashlight over the piles of toppled furniture. Others followed her.

“With that body?” Llama scoffed. She sunk into a chair and crossed her legs, not even bothering to look with the rest. “It would be easier to hide Soos  _ and _ Grenda in the same spot then trying to hide that thing.”

“Well it’s not like he left,” Pine Tree pointed out. “We would’ve heard him. He would’ve had to pass right by us to do so!”

Pine Tree led Bill over to a pile of dusty pillows to sit down on, shooting a short but not very strong glare over at Llama. She must’ve taken the only uprighted and whole chair in the room, and Pine Tree was mad she hadn’t let Bill take it. Bill felt a little bubble of glee at that. It was nice to be doted on again.

Llama noticed the glare and stuck her tongue out at him.

But still neither of them noticed Bill’s change.

Red was still over by the doorway, looking down at the hallway floor. “And there would have been a second blood trail leading out of the room from that arm. But there’s not. He’s just… gone.”

“Ghost must’ve gotten rid of him after hearing us talk about dismembering him,” Llama said, staring pointedly at Pine Tree.

“But how?” Pine Tree asked, seriously. “We were downstairs. And that thing is clearly of the ghost’s creation, so the ghost would’ve been in here controlling it…”

Ooh! Pine Tree knew how ghostly creations and possessions worked! Obviously, of course. There’s no way he could’ve been a proper ghost hunter all these years without knowing that.

But clearly the poor thing didn’t understand how  _ demonic _ creations and possessions work.

“Maybe it got rid of it  _ before _ hearing us talk about that,” Monster suggested in a rare moment of contribution. Bill really didn’t understand why  _ she  _ didn’t at least notice his change.

Pine Tree didn’t look convinced. There was clearly something else on his mind that kept him from agreeing. “Still, we should make sure he’s not still in the cabin. Candy, do you happen to have anything for that?”

No response.

Pine Tree frowned, standing up to look around. Everyone else was looking too. Flashlights moved around, counting heads to make sure everyone was there.

“Candy?”

Monster was looking rather concerned now, an emotion Bill didn’t think he’d seen on her yet. She ran out of the room, pushing past Red while screaming her friend’s name.

“Candy!”

The rest of the group looked at each other, unsure of what happened or what to do. She was right behind them right? Not even behind them, she was right in the middle of them! Where did she go? How did no one see her leave? Why would she have left?

Monster ran back in, out of breath from running around the cabin and absolutely horrified, and Bill mentally grinned. It was about time they noticed.

“She’s gone!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can’t make every chapter till the end a cliffhanger now, idk what I’m doing writing.
> 
> Also, Bill being more upset about Dipper leaving and ignoring him than his plans not working is literally my life blood.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments and kudos! I appreciate and love them all! And by extension, appreciate and love you all for leaving them! :D And I promise next chapter shouldn't take three and a half fucking months to come out... theoretically.


	10. ...It's Friendly Conflict Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't have much to say before this chapter. I tried to think of something witty but my mind just kind of ran off into a field of flowers saying "just put words down!" and I haven't heard back from it since
> 
> ...maybe it ran into the forest and found a haunted cabin in the woods
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy! :D (and if you see my mind somewhere in there, let me know I'd really like it back)

“Gone?!” Shooting Star gasped, looking genuinely concerned. She ran over to Monster. “What do you mean she’s gone?”

“Where would she have gone?” Red asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know!” Monster cried, hugging Shooting Star close for comfort. “But she wasn’t by our stuff, she wasn’t by the door, she’s not in the bathroom! She’s just gone!”

Gods, Bill was having a blast watching them actually fret for once. No matter what kind of experience they might have had in the supernatural, they were all close friends so if one of them got dragged away and captured by the enemy, it basically guaranteed fear and conflict.

Not the kind Bill could take pride in as it was essentially a guaranteed win and used basically zero effort, but it was still satisfying and refreshing to watch.

“Don’t worry Grenda,” Shooting Star reassured, patting Monster on the back. “We’ll find her.”

Not likely.

“We’ll have to,” Pine Tree agreed. He stepped away from Bill to pat Monster on the arm in his awkward attempts at comfort. “We need to stick together. Come on. The sooner we look for her, the better chance we have to find her.”

Hah! Good luck with that! She was in Bill’s hands now, and the only way they’d have any chance of finding her was if Bill allowed it.

The others nodded in agreement, gathering themselves together. Pine Tree headed back over to Bill, probably to help him up so he could come along. At least Pine Tree wasn’t going to leave him this time around.

Bill nearly smirked. He could use that to his advantage.

Pine Tree knelt down next to Bill. He held out his arm for Bill to take, the other curling around Bill’s back for support. Bill smiled weakly, taking the offered hand and pulling himself up-

“Agh!”

-before crying out in fake pain and falling back against the pillows. His face distorted in anguish.

“Bill!”

Pine Tree was all over him, cradling Bill in his arms. Bill subtlety snuggled closer to Pine Tree, eyes closed as he pressed his face into Pine Tree’s shoulder. Because human, fake, or whatever, the attention was _really_ nice.

“My… my side…” Bill whimpered out, and he could hear Pine Tree curse.

“All that running must’ve agitated his wound,” Red murmured on the other side of Bill. “We should check to see if it’s bleeding.”

“It’s not,” Bill said hurriedly. That would be too much attention, and Bill didn’t want to reopen that wound just for show. “I can feel that it’s not, it just… _hurts_ … It’s making… making me sick. I can’t…” He trailed off, hoping they’d think he was close to passing out or something.

Pine Tree swore again, and Bill could practically _feel_ the inner conflict Pine Tree was having as he said, “We won’t be able to go anywhere with him like this… he can’t be moved…”

In order to keep the illusion that he was in pain, Bill kept his eyes closed and looked through his other ‘eyes’ to keep watching what was going on and… fuck it was weird to look at himself like that. He was so… human. Yuck.

Monster’s eyes narrowed, stepping closer to Pine Tree and Bill. She’d long since stopped hugging Shooting Star it seemed. “Wait…” she said slowly. “So… you mean we aren’t going to look for Candy?”

Pine Tree looked up at Monster with the most beautiful look of helplessness. “I…”

“Dipper!” Monster yelled. “She could be in danger!”

“Moving Bill could reopen his wound,” Pine Tree desperately tried to explain calmly, though he knew Monster wouldn’t take it well anyway. “If we could even move him through his pain.”

“Then I’ll go on my own!”

“You know that’s not a good idea, we have to stick together!”

“Pine Tree…” Bill managed to get out in raspy wisps, masking his laughter as grunts of pain. “Let… let her go find her friend. That’s more important right now…” Actually, nothing was more important than Bill, but he wanted this fight to escalate.

“We can’t split up! That’ll only make us more vulnerable and put more people in danger.”

That pushed Monster over the edge.

“Candy’s already vulnerable and in danger!” she screamed. “In case you hadn’t noticed, she’s _missing_!” She glared more harshly than Bill had expected from her and pointed an accusing finger at Pine Tree. “And you’d rather sit here playing nurse with your boyfriend than go out and look for her! She’s been one of your oldest and closest friends for years now, but I guess that means nothing to you when you’ve got a hot new toy to play with!”

Oh, _yes_! This was beautiful! Tear Pine Tree apart! Tear the group apart! Don’t stop until every last friendship was left in shambles!

Shooting Star held her hands up weakly, not sure which side to pick. “H-Hey now. Let’s just- let’s just calm down now-”

“That’s quite the accusation there, you know,” Red pointed out with a slight edge to her tone. She stood up facing Monster. “I know we want Candy safe, but Dipper has some important points to consider.”

“No.”

What.

Red and Monster jolted, the word cutting through their tension, and the rest of the group turned to Pine Tree, who had interrupted them.

He sighed sheepishly, laying Bill back against the pillows ( _excuse_ you!) as he stood to confront Monster. “I… I understand where she’s coming from. But, you know…” He looked Monster right in the eyes, dead serious. “I’m worried about Candy, too. Even with our experience, we’re still weaker without each other. But I _know_ Candy. You know Candy! She’s smart and resourceful. Probably even more so than me. If anyone would be able to survive on their own, it would be her. That’s why I can suggest that we stay put for now. That’s why, even though I want her back now too, safe and sound with us, even though it wasn’t an easy decision to make… I know it’s okay to wait. She’s strong. I would never suggest we _wait_ if I truly thought she was in imminent danger.”

Monster’s fists clenched. She was very clearly still upset with the decision, still upset that Pine Tree would even suggest choosing Bill over their friend, regardless of her strength. But there was… something. Something Monster could see that Bill couldn’t. Something in Pine Tree’s words that could only be seen through years of experience in being his friend. A sense of knowing that he was telling the truth. That he could be trusted.

Her fists unclenched, and she hung her head. “You… you’re right. I just… I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her, you know? I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that…”

Pine Tree released a breath, and his shoulders relaxed. “Trust me, I don’t blame you. And _when_ we get her back, you can tell her it’s okay to punch me for making her wait.”

He gave her a cautious smile, and Monster punched him on the arm, smiling back. “Deal.”

Oh, Pine Tree was _good_.

The only reason that had worked was because of the years he and Monster had spent building that kind of understanding and trust, but even so to be able to so expertly use that understanding and trust…

Bill needed Pine Tree back over there coddling him.

He made a weak attempt to get up, “Pine- agh!” then winced in pain and fell back against the pillows. Pine Tree rushed over, holding him again within seconds.

Ah… that was better.

Bill gave Pine Tree a small smile, looking back through his own eyes. “You’re a good friend.” Eh, debatable.

Pine Tree rolled his eyes and looked away. “Not really.”

Bill almost wanted to make the time to flatter Pine Tree there, but he needed to move on to the next step while the embers of their fight were still hot. Before Monster calmed down too much.

Shooting Star, who was more than relieved at their make up, shuffled for a moment. “So…”

The shrill ring of a phone cut off whatever she’d planned to say.

Pine Tree’s grip on Bill tightened ever so slightly as he and everyone else stared suspiciously at the phone. “I know for a fact that phone wasn’t in here earlier.”

Monster glared at the phone, then ran over and answered it roughly, screaming into the receiver, “What have you done with Candy?!”

Shooting Star ran over just behind her, putting the phone back on speakerphone like before.

You know, since their friend wasn’t there to do it for them.

A dark chuckle came from the other end as Bill mentally laughed at the thought. “ _You’re sweet little friend is safe and sound… for now._ ”

“Where is she?!” Shooting Star asked pleadingly. Monster clearly wasn’t the only one upset at their friend’s disappearance.

Their fear and concern was delicious.

“ _I’m keeping her…_ ” Bill paused to think of a good word, “ _…protected from the horrors you’ll face in her own personal room. Of course, that won’t keep her protected from the horrors that are also inside that room_.”

“You monster!” shouted the monster.

She lifted the phone up, the wire pulling from the wall. Not that it stopped the voice from coming through.

“ _I wouldn’t smash that phone if I were you_ .” Monster paused at Bill’s words. Bill could feel Pine Tree’s fingers twitched against him like he did when he was thinking. Bill ignored it as he continued slyly, “ _Otherwise, how else would you be able to find your friend in time_?”

“You’re sick!” Monster yelled, but dropped the phone back on the tabled. “Absolutely mad!”

And? That’s just what made this whole situation so much fun for him! If he was normal and nice, how would he find any joy in life? Oh he was relishing in Monster’s overloading emotions. This was so much better than before!

Especially since no one was willing to sass him while they thought their friend was in danger! Not even Llama!

“ _Now, now._ ” Bill was having so much fun with this. Finally! “ _Is that anyway to speak to the thing in charge of your best friend’s life? I could very easily_ -”

“How are we supposed to believe this?” Pine Tree cut in rudely. He had a curious tone to his voice.

...But of course Pine Tree would try to ruin his fun.

“ _You truly want to question_ -”

“You’re not exactly a trustworthy sort of being,” Pine Tree pointed out. He frowned and had a look on his face like he’d be standing with his arms crossed right now had he not been holding onto Bill. “How are we supposed to believe that you even have our friend? That you have any power over her right now?”

Oh so Pine Tree wants to play that game, huh? Please. Bill _invented_ that game.

...Not really, but he was certainly playing it before humans. Pine Tree was gonna lose.

“ _I could send her mangled corpse back to you if you’d prefer._ ” He couldn’t, but Pine Tree didn’t know that nor did he need to know that. Shooting Star held in a gasp.

“That still doesn’t answer my question,” Pine Tree responded, unflinching.

Time to turn the dial up. “ _You sit there and question me rather than fighting for your friend._ ” He spoke slowly and with purpose. “ _You’d rather leave her alone, curled up in the corner of the room crying for her friends to save her, just to waste time talking to me._ ”

After a short second of hesitation, Pine Tree asked, “How do you know she’s crying?”

He didn’t, really. Looking in on the room he was keeping Friend™ in, Bill could see her banging against the walls, looking for a way out. No tear in sight.

Hmm. Sturdy even by herself.

But that wasn’t something they needed to know. Especially when Pine Tree was clearly concerned for his friend’s well being. With Monster fearfully hanging on to Bill’s every word.

He chuckled. “ _Well because she’s with me, obviously. Right where I can see her… Watching her fret for her life as_ -”

“Yet you could also tell that Grenda was about to smash the phone?” Pine Tree rudely interrupted once more, confidence beginning to seep out of him as he pointed out Bill’s fallacies. “Despite not being in the same room as us? Ghosts can’t be in two places at once. So either you’re lying about having Candy or you’re spying on us some other way. Which is it?”

The line was quiet for a long time.

Damn it. Stupid smart Pine Tree being stupid and smart all at the same time. Fuck him. Fuck him for cornering Bill like that! Ugh! He shouldn’t have gotten so caught up in finally feeling fear from Monster and Shooting Star! He should’ve known better than to give away such a crucial detail! These stupid kids were making him sloppy! Sloppy!

But they didn’t know how and would never be able to figure it out, so at least Bill still had that advantage.

It hurt him to say it but… after another minute, Bill said through the phone in a light, laughy voice, “Clever boy.”

Then the line went dead.

Sure Bill just could’ve hung up, but it still would’ve been confirmation that Pine Tree was right. At least that way, Bill got the last say.

“Well?” Llama asked, finally adding input again since their friend disappeared. Her voice was as snooty as ever, but Bill could tell she was still a little shaken by what happened. “Which is it? Is it spying on us or lying about having Candy?”

“It’s spying on us,” Pine Tree answered, a little too confidently. “It’s been spying on us this whole time, most likely. That’s how it knew when to get rid of that monster, that’s how it knew we’d set up a trap for it and why it walked so carefully into the room before.” He frowned, glaring at the wall. “And I know how.”

Hah! As if. Poor thing actually thought- wait what?

Pine Tree had pulled a roll of duct tape out of his bag. Quickly ripping a piece off with his teeth, he pointed out a marking on the wall. “You see that marking there? The triangle with the eye? I’ve seen that marking in nearly every room in this cabin. And I think that’s how this ghost is watching us. Through those little triangles.”

…ARE YOU FUCKING-?!

No.

No!

It wasn’t fucking possible!

There was no way this stupid little brat managed to see Bill’s markings! And then correctly guess that’s how he’d been watching them the whole time! That’s not how these scares went!

Pine Tree slapped the tape over the eye, then went around the room to look for others to do the same to.

Eye by eye, Bill could feel the room going dark. His eyes being forcefully shut, limiting his vision to the ones stuck in his humany head. He felt blind and more than a little lost.

How. In. The. _HELL_ ?! Could Pine Tree have actually figured out how Bill was spying on them the whole time! It’s not like he spent his time at the cabin carefully examining the moulding and just _happened_ to see weird, carefully hidden carvings! How-?!

“How do you know that’s how the ghost is watching us?” Llama took the words right out of Bill’s mouth.

“I didn’t think anything of them at first,” Pine Tree said while taping up the last eye in the room. “They were barely visible, and the only one I’d seen was next to the closet down by the moulding. But then I found the journal and… it was covered in those exact same marks!” He ran over and dug the journal out of his bag and showed it off. “There’s one right on the cover! After that, I started noticing them more and more, and when Jason Rip-Off showed up and seemed to _know_ what we were doing… I connected the dots.” Pine Tree gave a stupid smile. “Or rather… I connected the eyes.”

Boo.

The rest of the group rightfully groaned and rolled their eyes.

Deservedly put down, Pine Tree went back over to Bill to hold him up again, but Bill waved him off with a smile and a “I think I’m fine now, thanks” as he sat up on his own.

He didn’t want Pine Tree cuddling him anymore.

Pine Tree recoiled back a bit, looking… dejected. Damn, Pine Tree’s insecurities were probably telling him that Bill didn’t want to cuddle with him because he was mad.

Which was true, but no one except Bill needed to know that!

“Heh, you sure got him,” Bill joked, smiling as his fingernails dug into his palms and he ground his teeth together. He needed to be calm so as not to give anything more away or have Pine Tree think he was mad at him.

Pine Tree returned the smile briefly. “Yeah, but he still has Candy. And you’re still injured.”

Bill shrugged. “The pain has subsided a bit, I can move a bit more easily. If… if you guys wanted to look for her, I could probably come with now.”

“Are you sure?” Pine Tree asked worriedly.

Bill nodded, and Pine Tree helped him up, taking extra care so as not to hurt Bill anymore. Bill was still mad at Pine Tree for figuring out his trick… but the attention! Ugh, it was so nice to be dotted on! Plus how could Bill stay mad at someone who took care of him as well as Pine Tree did?

“We should get our stuff first,” Red said, slinging her axe over her shoulder. “Make sure we aren’t unprepared for anything else that happens.”

“If our stuff is even still there,” Llama muttered as she got up.

They all started leaving, but Pine Tree waited for a moment then quickly asked, “Are you sure you’re okay to move?” The worry in his voice was adorable.

“Positive.” Bill paused, a thought coming to mind. He smirked and winked as he said, “Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t make a few sacrifices to help you?”

Pine Tree blushed and looked away as they began following the others. “You are such an ass,” he said, though clearly didn’t mean it.

“Oh, okay,” Bill began, his voice light and innocent. “Well if that’s how you want this relationship to be, then I can definitely bottom-”

“Bill!” Pine Tree’s voice _squeaked_! Like a little kitten! Fucking adorable! He looked around for his friends, but they were already at the bottom of the stairs and hadn’t heard. In a quieter voice, Pine Tree threatened, “I’ll drop you, you know.”

“You love me too much,” Bill hummed, nuzzling Pine Tree’s head.

For a moment, Pine Tree looked like he was seriously considering pushing Bill down the stairs. But then he huffed, and started gently helping Bill down them instead. “You’re lucky you’re injured.”

Pine Tree tried to sound like he was upset, but from the playful undertones, it was obvious he had fun with their exchange. Bill, with his arm slung around Pine Tree’s neck, squeezed him in what he hoped was a loving manner, which Pine Tree returned.

Bill had to give a little credit to Monster, as her insulting ‘boyfriend’ comment had unknowingly been the perfect thing for Bill to use to bring Pine Tree closer to him.

Now wouldn’t be a good time to actually cement the relationship… but that time was coming soon.

Bill knew it was.

“Oh! Our stuff is surprisingly still intact and all together like we left it,” they heard Red say once they made it to the others.

Everyone was getting their stuff together, Monster grabbing Friend™’s stuff with a heavy heart.

“That seems… illogical,” Llama pointed out suspiciously. “With the way that monster was storming through this room, I would have expected our stuff to at least be a little roughed up.”

Yeah but what good would roughing up the stuff be when the people were the real target?

“But it’s not,” Shooting Star said, “so that’s something to celebrate!” This girl got it.

“We should start making a plan to find Candy, though. While we get our stuff,” Red suggested. Monster nodded, obviously agreeing with that idea.

Pine Tree let Bill lean against the couch while he got his stuff. “I’d say we should check the rooms upstairs. A lot of the entries in the journal mention being trapped in one of those rooms, so that’s where we should check first. That and there aren’t exactly many rooms down here where she’d be trapped.”

Stop being smart, adorable asshole.

“Um… guys?” came Shooting Star’s shaking quiet voice. Which was weird considering she was almost never quiet.

“You don’t think there could be hidden rooms down here?” Question Mark asked as they ignored Shooting Star’s weak attempt at getting their attention. “I’ve played enough games, watched enough movies, and been to enough haunted houses to know that hidden rooms are almost a given.”

She tried again, a little louder. “Guys?” But it didn’t help.

“There probably are hidden rooms in here,” Pine Tree agreed, “but we should check the more easily accessible places first. Often times we miss things right under our noses-”

“Guys!” Shooting Star finally screamed.

They all jumped and turned towards her.

“What-?” They stopped, staring at what Shooting Star had been trying to show them. “Oh…”

That wasn’t good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the option of making this a longer chapter or putting in a cheap cliffhanger... please don't hate me I know it's bad lol
> 
> On the other hand, the next chapter should be both longer and highly enjoyable! :D (maybe even the best chapter so far.... :O *gasp*)
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's commented and kudosed so far! I love you all! In like a... writer/reader sort of way... not a romantic way... or a... like creepy stalker way... I promise


	11. ...It's Spider Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING:** I’m putting this here cuz this specific chapter does feature detailed descriptions of spiders. Like… to the point where if you have a pretty severe arachnophobia you might want to consider skipping the first half of this chapter. Just saying.
> 
> Also, I’m (finally) back in college and don’t know how much time I’ll have to spare for writing this (you know considering it took three months for this chapter to come out) but I’M NOT STOPPING THIS FIC. Just… just getting that out now. I may not have as much time to write, but I’ll still be writing!
> 
> It just means there might be more time between updates.

The group remained frozen, slack jawed and wide-eyed as they stared at what Shooting Star had pointed out. Bill stared as well and…

…almost laughed.

He’d actually forgotten that he’d summoned a bunch of giant spiders when he kidnapped Friend™ and got rid of his first minion! And boy had they been busy!

They’d built a home base in the dining room and nearly everything on that side of the first floor was covered in spider silk to the point where you couldn’t even see what was underneath!

Neat!

They’d been sleeping before, but with Shooting Star’s cry, the few that were visible started stirring. Then the ones that weren’t visible started sliding down from the ceiling.

“We need to move,” Pine Tree and Red said almost simultaneously.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, _ no _ ! This ghost did  _ NOT _ just pull that move on us!” Llama yelled. She glared at the spiders, but inched herself closer to Red and Pine Tree.

Maybe it wouldn’t have pulled that move if you stopped referring to it as a ghost.

“It did, and we need to  _ go _ ,” Pine Tree threw his bags over his shoulder and reached out for Bill.

But Red beat him to it. “Up we go!” She yanked Bill from Pine Tree’s brief grasp, throwing him up over her shoulder.

“Hey!” Bill complained with a little ‘oof’ as he hit Red’s shoulder. “What the fuck?!” That  _ hurt _ ! Did she have no respect for the injured?

“Sorry,” she said, not even the least bit sorry probably. “But we don’t have time for Dipper to help you hobble up the stairs. No offense.”

“Offense taken!” How was Bill supposed to do anything while being manhandled like that?!

The giant spiders started advancing towards the group, and they ran.

Red sprinted up the stairs, taking two at a time, with Pine Tree and Llama following in close pursuit. Bill could vaguely make out Llama repeatedly muttering “ew” over and over again as they ran. The others fended off the giant spiders to keep them from going up the stairs with them.

All that confusion would be the perfect thing to take advantage of. If Red could ever hold still, that is…

Suddenly, Red faltered, slipping on one of the steps and just barely catching herself from falling back. Bill twisted to see why, though he already knew.

Another giant spider dropped from the ceiling right at the top of the stairs. It reared its two front legs, the giant fangs wiggling around and the venom on them catching the light from the flashlights.

Red automatically went for her axe, but remembered she had Bill in her arms. She wouldn’t be able to fight without somehow endangering or hurting Bill in the process. She was frozen.

For half a second, Bill could’ve grinned. How would they get out of that!

But only for a half second, as Pine Tree stepped around Red. With as mighty a cry as Pine Tree was capable of, he managed to shove the shovel straight through the middle of the giant spider’s face. It’s fangs groped the shovel handle helplessly, it’s legs thrashing around in a twitchy manor. Pine Tree gave another shove, and the spider’s head split disgustingly in two, and the rest of it’s body stilled and fell to the floor.

“Go!” Pine Tree yelled, prying the shovel out of the spider corpse’s body. “Before any  _ more _ fall from the ceiling!”

Bill blinked.

...Well damn! Who knew Pine Tree had it in him?

Red sprinted around the giant spider, jostling Bill enough that it actually hurt despite the fact that his wound was mostly healed. Llama wasn’t so quick. She tiptoed around the hairy legs, her mantra of “ew” much faster now. Bill made one of the legs twitch just as she was stepping over it and she  _ screeched _ , jumping over the rest and running into Red’s back.

“I hate spiders!” she spat, shuddering.

Giant spiders were pretty generic and beginner’s stuff, but it always got  _ someone _ .

“Where are we supposed to go now?” Red asked. She looked around frantically. They needed to run, but the upstairs hallway just looped back around to another set of stairs that lead right back to the main room. Aka right back to the spiders.

“Anywhere, please!” Bill whined, squirming a bit. He wanted down already.

“Maybe one of the rooms,” Pine Tree suggested quickly. “We can barricade ourselves in one and wait out the spiders until the ghost gets bored.”

You know what Pine Tree? Maybe the spiders have a mind of their own and the ghost wasn’t specifically controlling them, huh? You ever think of  _ that _ ? No, because you’re an insensitive jerk who let Red carelessly throw your beloved Bill over her shoulder. What’ll you do if they don’t get bored, huh?

“Which one?”

“The master bedroom!” Llama cut in, talking quickly. “I sprayed so much bug spray in there after I found a bunch of spiderwebs, there’s no way any bug would go in there.”

Red and Pine Tree each raised an eyebrow they didn’t have the time to raise. “Would or could?”

“Either works, but let’s GO!”

Pine Tree stopped, turning back to the stairs. “Wait, the others-”

“Will catch up to us once we get to the bedroom!” Llama said, pulled Pine Tree along. “They’ve got Soos and Grenda to body slam those bastards to shit!” Then, a little more seriously, “Mabel will be fine!”

They jogged the short distance to the master bedroom, which was just around the corner, then gasped.

“The door is covered in spider silk!” Pine Tree tried to use the shovel to cut through the silk, but the silk only stuck to the shovel. “Thick spider silk!”

“Here.” Red tossed Bill into Pine Tree’s arms, forcing him to drop the shovel. Then she pulled out her axe and started cutting away at the silk as best she could. “I think I was annoying him anyway.”

“Not my fault you don’t know the meaning of the word ‘gentle’,” Bill grumbled, righting himself before Pine Tree could fall from the added weight.

Llama hopped from foot to foot impatiently. “Hurry up!” The sound of scurrying had her whirling around to see a new batch of giant spiders heading straight for them. More panickedly, she said, “ _ Hurry up _ !”

The giant spider closest to her, now within touching range, lifted its front legs. 

She froze.

For a minute, everything froze. Pine Tree and Red both stared in horror. Llama’s eye twitched.

“Don’t,” Llama grabbed the leg with both hands and yanked so hard it popped off on the first try, the spider flopping from a missing leg as it backed up, “ _ TOUCH ME _ !!” Llama turned on the spider, raining punches and kicks as she beat the creature into a literal pulp as she screamed, “YOU FILTHY, DISGUSTING CREATURES! I’LL TEAR YOUR STUPID LEGS OFF!”

Well… that was… drastic.

Bill knew that humans had different responses to fear. Running, hiding, screaming, fighting… And he’d seen most of them during his time at the cabin. But this might’ve been the first time he’d seen first hand someone get so scared that their fear changed completely into a different emotion.

Llama’s entire being was nothing more than pure hatred being barely contained by skin.

“We’re gonna wanna stand back,” Pine Tree suggested, pressing them against the wall next to the door.

Boy was he right.

While Red hacked away at the silk, Llama went on a rampage.

Using her rings, Llama rained down punch after punch after punch. Her fists left massive dents in the spiders wherever they hit, the rings tearing up the skin along the way. She kicked them, ripped their legs off, decapitated them with only her hands.

At one point, Bill had a spider sneak up on Llama and had it grab onto her braid, but that only made it worse. You know, seeing as how she threw her head forward, yanking the braid out of the spider's grasp, then roundhouse kicked the spider before ripping it’s fangs off and stabbing them into the spider’s head.

And she screamed the  _ entire _ time. Profanities, insults, threats. Whatever came to mind, she screamed it out.

By the time the others made it up the stairs, even more spiders close behind them, the hallway was covered in the remains of Bill’s spider army. Still twitching bodies littered the floor, and guts and silk stuck to the wall.

The whole scene was disgustingly brutal, and Bill had more respect for Llama in that moment than any other moment in time. He’d never enjoyed seeing his own defeat more than he had then. Which wasn’t much as he hated being defeated, but it was at the very least entertaining to watch.

Llama caught sight of the remaining spiders behind Shooting Star and Question Mark, and she  _ snarled _ .

“ _ ANYONE ELSE WANT SOME _ ?!” Llama’s voice was deep and hoarse and threatening. Her hands shook and twitched with the desire to mangle more spiders should they go near her.

The spiders froze, looking over the scene and at Llama…

...and left.

For fuck’s sake.

Bill hung his head and cursed, massaging away the massive frustration headache he was getting from watching his minions’ incompetence.

There was nothing worse than summoning a bunch of minions with a fucking sense of self preservation. Especially when there were so many of them, making taking them over and forcing them to die a pain in the ass that required more concentration and focus than Bill could spare at the moment.

“Bill?” Pine Tree, unfortunately choosing now to pay attention to Bill, asked. “Is your side bothering you?”

“Yup,” Bill groaned out dismissively. “Just my side. My side is the only thing bothering me right now.” Except for useless fucking minions. “Well… although watching Llama over there dismember an army of spiders didn’t exactly help my stomach.” Or his mood.

Pine Tree gave a little laugh. “I know what you mean.”

No, Bill could assure you, you didn’t.

Red whooped triumphantly as she kicked the door in. “Got it! Now come on let’s get out of here before those spiders come back.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re not coming back,” Bill muttered only a little bitterly. Just a little.

Pine Tree guided Bill to the room, frowning in worry. “We need to get Bill on the bed resting. His side is bothering him too much.”

They all shuffled quickly into the room, Pine Tree making a beeline for the bed so Bill could rest.

As soon as everyone was in, Red slammed the door shut and pushed one of the dressers in front of the door, barricading it. And for a moment, a singular, blissful second, everything was quiet.

Then Llama sobbed, screaming, “There’s spider guts  _ all over me _ !”

And there really was.

Shooting Star, the bravest of them all, stepped up close to Llama and guided her over to the bathroom. You know, seeing as how Llama was far too paralyzed with disgust to do so herself. “Come on, now, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Pine Tree looked around after he’d situated Bill. “Hey, Mabel. Where’s-”

“Grenda’s missing,” Shooting Star cut in like she was commenting on the weather, before heading into the bathroom and shutting the door. You could still hear Llama’s screaming.

“What?” Pine Tree said and Bill thought.

Pine Tree was obviously confused about Monster going missing, but Bill was far more confused about why Shooting Star was so okay with it! He’d seen her react the last time one of her friends went missing! What changed?!

“Yeah, dude,” Question Mark said. He sat on the dresser, it creaked and bowed slightly beneath him. “While we were fighting, this big wave of darkness swallowed her up and disappeared.”

See, the whole point of Bill doing that under the confusion of the fighting was so that they  _ didn’t _ notice that!

Ugh! No wonder Shooting Star wasn’t as worried! She knew the spiders didn’t have her friend, and thus knew she wasn’t in any immediate danger of being eaten! This was all Red’s fault for making it hard for Bill to concentrate and do things right!

“Meaning the ghost has her and not the spiders.” Pine Tree hummed in thought, and Bill was suddenly very upset at how unconcerned they all were that Bill had their friends.

Sure, it meant that they weren’t being murdered by chainsaw murderers or giant spiders, but come on! Bill might not have been scary to these assholes but he was still powerful! Look at all he’d done! The things he could conjure! Just because their friends weren’t facing the same threats didn’t mean there weren’t threats for them to face! Bill could encase them in a room of their own fears if he wanted!

In fact… Bill went to check in on his captives.

Friend™ wasn’t doing quite as well as before, the fear of being alone and not knowing what will happen next getting to her. Good. And Monster…

Monster…

Wait… he… he couldn’t see her! Where the hell was Monster?! Bill could’ve sworn he put her in that room but he couldn’t see-

“Well at least she knows how the ghost could be watching her,” Pine Tree said after his moment of thinking. Then a little louder so Shooting Star could hear through the bathroom door,  “And you said I was over preparing by making sure everyone had duct tape in their bags before we started hiking.”

Bill briefly considered how possible it would be to smother himself with one of the pillows so he could end his suffering.

“And speaking of, we should check out this room too and cover any marks we see.”

Bill leaned back into the bed so he was lying down and threw an arm over his eyes, tuning out whatever else those idiots might’ve talked about.

This was not looking good. And not just because he was slowly losing his ability to look.

Bill finally gets to the part where he can create monsters and horrors beyond normal imagination and what happened? They easily took down his chainsaw murderer, trapping him after hacking an arm off. They had panic over their friend missing, but that was quickly calmed down using logic and the power of friendship,  _ yuck _ . And then! They faced an army of giant spiders, and while there was some fear in the beginning, they used their fear to fuel their anger and beat the army to a bloody pulp until the remaining spiders fled!

What. The  _ hell _ ?!

Not to mention Bill got overconfident, which he never gets ever, which tipped Pine Tree off about how he’d been spying on them!

In fact, the only thing that had been going right that whole night was the act of kidnapping Monster and Friend™ and Bill’s ‘romance’ with Pine Tree.

The bed by Bill’s legs dipped and it was no doubt Pine Tree, speak of the devil.

Bill could feel Pine Tree’s hand ghost (hah) over one of his legs before pulling back. “He seems pretty in pain. Being thrown over your should probably didn’t do his side any good.”

Ah, precious lil Pine Tree. Always looking out for Bill when he shouldn’t.

“What should we do now?”

What should  _ you _ do now? What should Bill do! That was the real question here! How was he supposed to scare those guys? They wouldn’t be scared of anything Bill threw at them if they thought the ‘ghost’ was behind it! Even if what Bill threw at them had nothing to do with ghosts! Like the chainsaw murderer!

Even throwing generic scares at them just resulted in a win for them and a loss for Bill!

Ugh, if he’d spent more time exploring their minds with his nightmares, Bill might’ve managed to find some deep rooted fears he could play off of, but  _ no _ ! He had to  _ underestimate _ them!

Bill’s past self was stupid.

This group handled their fear too well, and Bill… he didn’t know how to handle that.

He had to throw all of his previous plans out the window. Nothing he’d done before in previous scares would be usable here. Or at least not the way he’d implemented those scares.

He needed to start from scratch here. He needed to be creative.

Or wait… no. Nothing creative he’d done before worked, and they all saw through it immediately… Then again, was there anything this group of assholes didn’t see through? …Was there?

They laughed at everything up to the chainsaw murderer. And even though they beat him rather, Bill hated to admit it,  _ easily _ , they had an actually moment of fear at the loss of their first friend. But that was quelled after a mere few minutes. The spiders did a good job too, up until Llama snapped…

Maybe… Maybe Bill should just throw decorum and dignity to the wind and throw a bunch of different scares at them all at once. Or at least one right after the other where they wouldn’t have time to rest or think between each one.

And actually, now that he thought about it, the two scare tactics that actually worked only stopped working after they had time to think it through and find a solution. True, Llama’s solution was really just keeping the spiders from touching her, but it  _ worked _ .

So… maybe that plan wasn’t the worst!

It would take a bit of foresight and planning, though. He’d need to plan which scares to use and when to use them. That would take some time…

Good thing Llama got uncomfortably covered in spider guts.

* * *

**** Bill didn’t know exactly how long it had been, but by the time he’d stopped hearing the shower and Llama’s screams, he had a half put together plan. He’d certainly need a little more time to hash it together more, but with Llama and Shooting Star finishing up, the group would no doubt try to get together to talk about  _ their _ next plan.

Ugh.

Preparing himself for the inevitable speech, Bill removed the arm from his eyes… and frowned.

Pine Tree sat cross legged next to Bill’s legs, the journal and a notebook open on his lap as he stared intensly at them.

“What are you doing?” Bill found himself asking.

Pine Tree looked up, pulling a pen from his mouth. “Bill! You’re awake!”

“I wasn’t asleep.” Bill couldn’t sleep, actually. He’d have some damn lucid dreams if he did, though.

“Oh… you looked…” Pine tree frowned, trailing off, before shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

“So,” Bill prodded, nudging Pine Tree with his foot a bit. “What are you doing? Tell me!” he whined like a child playfully.

That got a short laugh out of Pine Tree, and he pushed Bill’s foot away. “Well,” he started, holding the journal up, “we found this journal in the cabin, and in all the entries and margins there’s this… string of symbols that I think is some kind of code.”

Bill pretended to be shocked and interested as he perused the various comments he’d left. “And you’ve been trying to decode it?”

“Yeah!” Pine Tree nodded, happy Bill had understood. 

Hah! Like Pine Tree would ever figure it out. Bill was a master at codes!

Pine Tree put the journal back in his lap, flipping randomly through the pages. “My great uncle had a talent for codes and taught me some of his tricks. Plus…” He bit his lip, almost like he was nervous about telling Bill the next part.

“...Plus?” Bill goaded. Come on! He wanted to hear what Pine Tree was thinking!

After a moment, Pine Tree shyly gave in. “I… I think whatever is being written in the margins could possibly help us with the ghost.”

Aw, poor little nerd was nervous about telling him that? He probably wasn’t used to not being teased for his nerdy behaviour. And Bill could totally take advantage of that!

“That’s a really smart idea,” Bill complimented as seriously as he could manage.

And just like he suspected, Pine Tree blushed a bit and looked away.

“It’s nothing…” But the stupid, lovey dovey look on Pine Tree’s face said otherwise.

Bill suddenly smiled, a thought coming to him.

“I just thought of something that could be really funny later on, here.” Bill sat up and held his hand out for the journal, notebook, and pen. Pine Tree, confused now, complied. With a grin, Bill pretended to flip through the journal as he wrote a new string of symbols in Pine Tree’s notebook. With much messier handwriting so Pine Tree didn’t get suspicious.

Not that it was that hard. Writing with five fingers instead of four was weirdly distracting. There was just an extra finger just… hanging there.

Bill wrote the last symbol and grinned at his work.

Y O U L L N E V E R F I G U R E I T O U T H A

Then he handed the stuff back to Pine Tree. 

“There! Now, when you figure it out we can see if that says anything!” Not that Pine Tree would ever figure it out, of course.

Pine Tree squinted at the symbols unconvinced, but laughed anyway. “It’ll probably just look like the pen and paper version of a keysmash.”

A… what? Whatever, Pine Tree was laughing like it was a joke so Bill laughed along.

It was… strange watching Pine Tree laugh. There was this weird feeling forming inside Bill’s chest when he saw Pine Tree smile at him and… Bill’s eyes widened as he realized what the feeling was.

It was time.

Serious and focused now, Bill leaned forward. A hand reached back behind Pine Tree’s neck to pull him forward and-

Pine Tree broke away, his face red and eyes wide.

“W-what… what are you doing?” he whispered. His eyes darted around looking for his friends. But Bill would have none of that.

“What do you think?” Bill leaned forward again, but Pine Tree once again pulled away.

“I just… we just met-” Pine Tree stuttered out. Half assed excuses nearly visible on the tip of his tongue.

Oh for fuck’s sake, this kid…

More seriously than he’d been all night, Bill said, “And for all I know I could be dead within the next 24 hours. I may not have the time to wait and see how this thing ends, so I’m not going to waste what time I have left hoping I live long enough when I could already have you in my arms.” He gently pulled Pine Tree forward with minimal resistance now, and continued softly, “You’re beautiful and unique and smart and the only person I’ve ever met that I’ve been able to connect to so easily. You understand me in ways I never thought anyone ever would.”

Wow, these words were coming out so easily! Bill barely even needed to think about them before they were tumbling out! 

“And maybe it  _ is  _ all a fluke. Maybe after we get out of here,  _ if _ we get out of here, we try this for real and it doesn’t work and we’re not right for each other. It doesn’t matter.” Bill paused and took the time to cup Pine Tree’s head with both hands. “I would rather be able to look back and remember how much I loved you than look back and only remember regret.”

Bill wasn’t actually all that sure who’d closed the gap between them, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t him.

Looking back, Bill would note how Pine Tree probably had never kissed anyone before. Or at least, if he had, whoever it was must’ve been very disappointed. Close mouthed with tense lips. Ugh. It was like the physical manifestation of awkward. Pine Tree didn’t move the entire time! Bill wasn’t even sure he  _ breathed _ . Not to mention his lips had been damp  _ and _ chapped. Like! What a terrible combination! Honestly, the only way that kiss could’ve been worse was if Pine Tree had been the exact opposite of awkwardly shy and been awkwardly outgoing with it. Going in open mouthed with his tongue hanging out, saliva getting everywhere…  _ yuck _ .

But…

In the moment, all Bill could think about was how  _ warm _ Pine Tree was. He was so close and just…  _ there _ . Bill could feel his chest tighten weirdly. Like it wasn’t enough. Like he needed to be closer, kiss him harder, feel him everywhere, have  _ more _ … 

So all in all the kiss just sucked.

And it looked like Bill was going to have to do it again! After all,  _ someone _ was going to have to teach this kid how to kiss. And… there was really no reason why it…  _ couldn’t _ be Bill… right?

It was only because Bill wasn’t going to stand for pretending to like awkward kisses. If he was going to kiss, it was going to be a  _ good _ kiss. Not because he liked kissing Pine Tree. Definitely not.

Pine Tree pulled back only to go back in for a hug. His arms wrapped around Bill with his face nuzzled nicely into the crook of Bill’s neck.

“Okay,” he mumbled, the single word only barely audible. “Okay, we can do this…”

Bill froze.

Automatically, his arms wrapped themselves around Pine Tree, holding him closer, but mentally Bill had essentially stopped functioning.

That was… his first hug.

For millennia, Bill had only ever been able to interact with the physical plane through dreams or the mind. Neither of which were all that touchy feely. Nor was anything in the mindscape or nightmare realm which is where Bill usually had resided. Even when Bill would occasionally possess a human, he never really interacted with other humans. And for the past 30 odd years when Bill  _ was _ in the physical plane on his own, he’d spent it all hiding away from humans in order to scare them for entertainment.

And that hug… that was the first time Bill had ever really  _ felt _ another living being that wasn’t under his control…

It was… weird. And warm, just like the kiss, but warmer.

Bill didn’t like it.

He wanted more of it and it didn’t sit well with him.

It was the sound of childish ‘ooo’ing that eventually pried Pine Tree from Bill’s arms. What was left of Pine Tree’s friends stared at the two of them with varying looks. Question Mark and Shooting Star looked like they were about to cry tears of happiness, while Red and Llama stood with their arms crossed and very pronounced looks of “I told you so”.

“It’s about damn time,” a freshly washed Llama scoffed like she wasn’t happy for her friend.

“Shut up,” Pine Tree muttered while wiping unshed tears from his eyes. The stupid grin on his face gave away that he wasn’t actually upset, though.

Bill was the only one feeling weirdly empty.

His plan had worked, and Pine Tree was right where he wanted him to be. And yet…

Pine Tree wasn’t hugging him anymore. Wasn’t touching him anymore. It felt… lonely. It felt wrong. Bill… Bill wanted Pine Tree closer to him!

He needed these feelings to stop.

Something banged against the door, hard enough to startle Question Mark off of the barricade. Loud growling and scratched could be heard as well as more bangs rattling the door.

The group got back into scary house mode, preparing themselves for an attack.

“Oh great…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Why’d you say this chapter was the best?” because KISS. de smoochie smoochie. mwuah. xxoo. and a cuddle huggle.
> 
> And other stuff happens too I guess but like…
> 
> kiss.


	12. ...It's Secret Room Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you were supposed to update this like a week ago... and didn't.... T^T
> 
> In other words, happy belated holidays! My present to you is this gay shit
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t  _ totally _ intentional on Bill’s part.

At the very least, whatever nightmare creature he’d pulled up outside the door was, it wasn’t part of the plan he’d been trying to put together. Really, he barely remembered creating the damn creature! Creating it had been more instinctual than anything. But who cared?! Bill needed a distraction, damn it! Whatever Pine Tree had done, and he’d done  _ something _ Bill was sure, had made Bill feel all weird!

And no one was allowed to make Bill feel weird but himself!

It wasn’t even the good kind of weird! It was a kind of weird Bill had never experienced before… which was weird! And not in the good way!

Fuck! Pine Tree was messing with his mind somehow, and Bill needed it to stop.

The creature slammed it’s unknown body up against the door again, a distinct cracking and creaking could be heard from it.

“That ghost doesn’t like to let us rest, huh?” Llama muttered.

Oh shut up, Bill gave you assholes plenty of time to rest, your  _ highness _ !

“What do we do?” Shooting Star whispered frantically. She went back and forth between keeping her eyes on the slowly failing door and sending desperate glances towards Pine Tree. “It’s not like we can run anywhere… that door is the only exit!”

“We meant to leave after the spiders were gone, but looks like we weren’t quick enough. We’ve effectively cornered ourselves,” Red ever so helpfully pointed out.

“Hey,” Question Mark said, a hopeful tone to his voice. “Maybe we can climb onto the roof?”

A so-well-placed-that-Bill-was-shocked-he-hadn’t-made-it-happen crack of thunder, answered that question.

“It’s  _ still _ raining?!” Llama shouted. She made various frustrated gestures.

Bill was with Llama on that one. It’s not like Bill was feeding it an infinite source of moisture to keep it there, so what was that storm still doing over the cabin? Whatever, it added to the aesthetic and kept them from leaving. Besides, it was probably dying down anyway, and that crack of thunder was probably its last one.

“It’s not like it matters anyway,” Pine Tree said, his eyes locked on the door and body ready to move the second it went down. “The ghost probably wouldn’t let us out onto the roof even if it wasn’t raining with what it did to the doors and windows.”

...Oh yeah. How did Bill forget about that? It’s like this night was lasting forever.

“So what do we do?”

“Dipper?”

“Dipper!”

“Hold on!” Pine Tree finally responded. It seemed the constant pestering was preventing him from thinking.

“Pine Tree,” Bill pleaded, jumping on that bandwagon. He turned Pine Tree’s gaze towards him, anything to keep him from thinking. “Please, you have to think of something. We can’t run and we can’t hide so…”

Pine Tree’s eyes widened slightly, mouth agape. “That’s it,” he whispered.

What.

Pine Tree shot up from the bed, ecstatically whispering, “That’s it! We hide!”

Llama stared, open-mouthed, before asking incredulously, “Okay, you know the ghost and whatever it conjures knows we’re in here, right?”

“Yeah!” Pine Tree nodded, like some kind of crazy weirdo. “That’s why we hide, lure the creature in here since it knows we’re here, and then when it’s far enough into the room we can slip out past it!” Even after explaining, the plan was met with silence. Pine Tree huffed, deflated, “Oh what, you guys have a better idea?”

No, they didn’t.

But honestly, Bill wasn’t even worried. If the creature did manage to get into the room, he had no doubt whatever the group did would work and they’d make it out unscathed like always.

He hated that he knew that.

“Alright,” Pine Tree started, turning to Shooting Star. “Mabel, you’re really good at evading, so use your grappling hook to hang from the ceiling.”

Shooting Star made an excited little noise and started fishing her grappling hook out. Llama was less pleased.

“Like bait?!” she yelled. The creature rammed into the door harder now, growling menacingly, but Llama just snarled back.

“It’ll give the rest of us more time to sneak out,” Pine Tree explained, pulling her focus away from the creature, “where we’ll be out of the room and have more places to run so we can distract that thing so Mabel can escape. Come on, give me a little more credit than that.”

Yeah really, Llama, come on. Bill had only known Pine Tree for less than two days and he still gave him more credit than he probably deserved.

Llama grumbled something along the lines of, “Just double checking, damn…” but it largely went unnoticed.

“Now, hide somewhere close to the door,” Pine Tree ordered. “The closet or bathroom would probably be good.” Then to Bill he said, “The bathroom is the closest to the door, so that’s where we’ll hide.”

Bill let himself be helped up by Pine Tree and guided to the bathroom with an odd sense of indifference. He wasn’t too invested with this creature or whatever damage it caused. It had already done its job of distracting everyone, so he’d probably just let the creature fall for whatever they were gonna do to it and go back to planning what he actually wanted to do. Unless… well maybe Bill could have the creature smash the door open and then disappear? That would at least keep them on edge until Bill’s real plan started.

That much he could count on.

“Soos can hide with you guys and we’ll hide in the closet,” Red said, guiding a mildly reluctant Llama to the closet. Shooting Star waved at them playfully, mouthing “bye” at Llama.

Llama stumbled overdramatically once inside, grumbling the whole time. “Why the hell does a haunted cabin in the woods that no one’s ever lived in have so many clothes in the closet?” Because realism, bitch. “I’m gonna trip on one of these shoes, I swea- AH!”

True to her word, the poor lighting and tight quarters left Llama stepping the wrong way on one of the many shoes littering the closet ground. She tumbled, falling further in with a thunk as her head hit the back of the closet.

“Oh FUCK I-” Llama stopped, as if realizing something. Bill couldn’t see the expression on her face, but with the way both her and Red were looking into the back of the closet… “Wait… that-”

“Is not the sound a wall makes when you hit it…” Red finished for her.

Shit.

Shit, shit, no this was so not happening right now!

“Guys, you need to see this.”

Creature and imminent danger forgotten, the rest of them stopped in their preparations to head over to the closet. Why. Why?! Why would they completely forget the danger they’re in over some miniscule curiosity? What kind of sense did that make?!

Bill could see Red on her knees prying at the wall with her fingers. “There seems to be some sort of door here, and I’m pretty sure I can get it open.”

Fuck.

The creature outside the room gave an audible huff, scratched the door once more, and could be heard padding away.

“Wait… Did you hear that?” Bill asked quickly, much less willing to be dragged around by Pine Tree now. He pulled lightly in the direction of the door. “I think it’s leaving… We should go before anything else tries to corner us in here.”

“Hold on…” Pine Tree said, distracted by the find in the closet. “I wanna see what this is-”

No. You don’t.

“Come on,” Bill pleaded, almost actually pleading as he turned Pine Tree around towards him. Then he said much more quietly and fearfully, “You know this ghost doesn’t let us rest.” Which was an absolute lie.

But now Bill had Pine Tree’s full attention. He grasped Bill’s free hand in his own and gave what was probably supposed to be a comforting smile. “But, this could be another way out. Or it could lead to Candy or Grenda. And as of right now, it’s the best lead we have.” Pine Tree leaned forward as if to kiss Bill on the cheek, but pulled back and settled for squeezing his hand instead. Probably still too nervous to take larger steps with Bill. “Don’t worry, we’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

Bill warred with himself for a couple seconds but…

...Oh  _ fine _ . Who could resist Pine Tree while he looked like that? Besides, there wasn’t much more he could do now to deter them. They were too stubborn to give up no matter what Bill tried.

Bill gave a cautious smile and squeezed back. “I know you’ll keep me safe.”

“This is gonna get old quick, I already know it,” Llama deadpanned from the closet.

You know what got old even quicker than that? You all finding out way too much about Bill and not getting scared. Trust him, that got  _ real _ old  _ real _ quick.

And yet…

Red leaned back, letting Pine Tree see the wall, and frowned. “The wall, it’s… a hidden door. But to what?”

“A hidden room?” Question Mark suggested.

“Really?” Llama asked in the same deadened voice as before. “I thought for sure it was going to lead to the hidden outdoors.”

“There’s only one way to know for sure,” Pine Tree said.

Red, using her axe to pry at the edges, opened the hidden door carefully, slowly so as not to disturb any creature that might’ve been hiding behind it. But when nothing attacked, she pulled it open fully and crawled through with everyone else following. Bill and Pine Tree had a harder time getting through thanks to Bill’s ‘wound’, but they eventually got through too.

The doorway opening into a short hallway with an open archway leading to another room off to the left. Ducking into the room, as the top of the archway was rather narrow thanks to its shape, the group gasped one by one and spread out.

“Whoa…” Red breathed and picked up a colorful glass pyramid from one of the shelves as she walked farther into the room, inspecting it with her phone light. “This is creepy…”

Creepy? Excuse you, this was  _ art _ . After all, nearly everything in here was modeled in some way after Bill. From the archway to the window to the decorations. Even the shape of the room itself! What with the slanted ceiling and all. Didn’t these kids know better than to insult the home of their host? Not everyone got to see this place, you know!

“No kidding… Is…” Pine Tree stopped in his tracks as his gaze landed on something. His head turned to the side as he stared confused at the wall. “Is that a piece of framed drywall?”

Shooting Star spun around, trying to take in as much as possible. “It looks like it should be an attic, you know? Like the Shack!”

Bill mentally sighed as he watched them mess around with his stuff.

It…  _ really _ hurt to say this, but Bill had to give this group…  _ ugh _ … kudos…

No one had ever found his room before. He took too much care in keeping it hidden, and it was the one place in the whole cabin that never changed. After all, it’s not like he ever planned on having his victims come up here. Really, if Bill wanted to keep people (namely, these assholes) out, he shouldn’t have put a door to the damn room in the first place, but Bill couldn’t exactly phase through walls while not in the mindscape… The troubles of having a physical body…

“Why would the ghost even have this room?”

“Not sure…” Pine Tree answered absentmindedly as he inspected the drywall piece closer. “Is it trying to scare us by leading us here?”

Hold on. Leading you there? “Uh… What makes you think it wanted you to find this place?” Bill asked, hiding his confused laugh.

Pine Tree shrugged. “Well… why else would it have a door? You don’t put a door someplace if you don’t want anyone going there. Especially an unlocked door. And you especially don’t try to keep them out by cornering them and forcing them towards the unlocked door.”

First of all, Pine Tree: fuck you.

And second… fuck you.

“Wait, hold on.” Llama stepped back, hands up as she stared at one of the chairs towards the back of the room underneath the window. “What is this furniture made of? It kinda looks like… skin?”

Red kneeled down next to the chair, running a hand over the arm of it. “It’s… warm?”

Pine Tree frowned, finally turning away from the drywall. “What, like it’s still alive or something?”

Llama made a noise. “But… but…”

Here it came. The freaking out. Looks like it wasn’t all bad that those guys found Bill’s room.

“That’s just so…” Llama paused, trying to find the right word, “stupid!”

Bill really needed to stop getting his hopes up. In fact, this was the last time he’d ever get his hopes up for these jerks.

“Does it know how much maintenance living skin needs?” Llama started ranting. She gestured wildly as she spoke. “You have to moisturize it, wax it if it’s too hairy, and then it just gets prickly when the hair starts growing back-”

Shooting Star gave a small gasp. “What happens if it’s too cold in here? It’ll get goosebumps…” Was that… worry? For the furniture? ...It’s  _ furniture _ .

“And what if it’s too hot?” Llama was practically panicking by now. “It’ll sweat! No one wants to sit on sweaty skin!”

“It probably gets oily, too,” Red said, much to Llama’s dismay.

“How exactly are you supposed to wash it?” Pine Tree asked, and then gave a short laugh as a thought came to him. “Is there a furniture shower in here somewhere?”

You come into  _ Bill’s home _ -!

You know what? Bill didn’t need this kind of negativity in his life. It’s not like anyone  _ died _ for his furniture! It’s not like  _ they  _ had to sit on it! They weren’t even supposed to find this stupid place! Oh, boo-hoo! They don’t like the shape of triangles, the living humans don’t like living human skin! What judgemental hypocrites.

Pine Tree soon frowned, though, as his eyes caught on to something just above the furniture. “Hold on a minute…” He stepped a bit closer to the furniture, staring aboving it. “I’ve… I’ve  _ seen  _ that before-” Pine Tree’s face was lighting up with recognition. The kind of recognition Bill didn’t like.

Bill followed his gaze and-

Nope.

The floor gave out beneath them. Pieces of wood and drywall and insulation crumbling and falling under their feet. And gravity pulled them down with it all. They screamed and shouted in surprise, and Bill could feel Pine Tree cling closer to him even in the few seconds it took for them to hit the first floor.

* * *

 

It took a few seconds for the dust to settle enough to see. Bill could hear various gasps as the group tried to regain the breath they lost, only for them to cough the debris back out.

“What in the hell was that?”

“The floor just gave out?”

“Did the ghost do that? What the hell?”

Who else would it have been?! Ugh, that wasn’t the best idea Bill had, that was for sure. He could feel Pine Tree getting up off of him (he broke Pine Tree’s fall, he can’t believe he was the one to break Pine Tree’s fall, Pine Tree should have broken  _ his _ fall), but Bill didn’t bother following suit. He just… he just wanted to keep lying there for a little longer.

“Wait…” Red started, a slight panic to her voice. “Where’s Soos?!”

Huh… that… actually wasn’t Bill. He didn’t know where Question Mark was if he wasn’t with the rest of them.

“Soos?!”

“Soos!”

“You don’t think he…?!” Pine Tree cut himself off, the words getting stuck in his throat.

Shooting Star gasped and stifled a cry. “Oh, please tell me the ghost has him, please!”

As the dust was starting to settle, Bill could see Llama holding Shooting Star close in comfort. “We’ll find him,” she said to Shooting Star soothingly. “I’m sure he’s fine, don’t worry-”

“Boo!”

Question Mark jumped from a nearby pile of debris, causing everyone else to jump and scream.

“Oh  _ fuck _ !” Red punched Question Mark in the stomach, not hard, though. “Not cool man!” Though, she was clearly laughing.

“ _ Soos _ !” Shooting Star broke away from Llama to latch tearfully onto Question Mark.

“That was so not funny,” Pine Tree chastised with a stupid smile on his face. Then with infuriating sincerity, “You scared the shit out of us!”

...are you kidding.

So… Question Mark, a being Bill still wasn’t even sure was  _ human _ let alone intelligent, had managed to scare these shits more in a minute than Bill had been able to for  _ two days _ !? By  _ jumping out of rubble _ ?!

Fuck this! Fuck everyone! Fuck his side which had started hurting again! Fuck everything!

Hell no. Bill was not gonna be upstaged by  _ Question Mark _ doing something that simple! He didn’t care what he had to do or how long it would take, Bill  _ would _ get these brats running out screaming! He was going to make sure that by the end of his new plan, every single one of these jerks would be rueing the day they ever set foot here and pissed Bill off!

With renewed fire, Bill tried to stand up but flinched, hand rushing to curl around his side which had spiked in pain. Gods it was like he’d been stabbed again! He pulled his hand away and it was…

Red.

“Shit!” Pine Tree gasped, rushing over to help. “Bill, your side!”

Huh… maybe forcing your new human body to fall several feet and fall on a pile of hazardous rubble wasn’t actually a smart idea if you didn’t want to get hurt. This is what he got for only partially healing the wound instead of just fully healing it. But at least it added to the authenticity of having the wound.

“It doesn’t look like it’s bleeding too much,” Pine Tree sighed in relief after watching the bandages carefully for a few seconds, “but we should still check it out.”

Nevermind that was the worst idea ever.

Red was quick to agree, squashing down and chance Bill had of convincing them otherwise. “Not here, though,” she said. “We’re too out in the open.”

Pine Tree looked around quickly. “The study,” he said after a few moments of searching. “It can be locked at least.”

Red nodded and they both set to the task of trying to drag Bill’s useless human body over to the study. He didn’t make it any easier on purpose too by faking being in too much pain and going limp. Let them struggle.

While he pretended to be passed out, Bill made some necessary adjustments.

They didn’t notice immediately as it was still dark, but he nearly grinned when he heard the reactions.

“What the heck is up with the walls?!”

“What do you me- what?!”

The aforementioned walls were distorted now, wavy and bowing like they’d been soaked in water and dried poorly. The floors didn’t look any better either. All the furniture that had been in the main room before barely even looked like furniture now, as the pieces were either bowing like the wood of the floors or torn apart by what would have been huge claws.

“At least the doors to the study are okay,” Shooting Star sighed when the reached the study, nearly tripping on the way there. She carefully opened the door and held it open for the others.

“And good thing they’re unlocked too,” Pine Tree muttered.

Yeah, but only because Bill still needed to plan. Otherwise there was no way the study would be open for those idiots to hide out.

They set Bill somewhere down on the floor. He blearily blinked his eyes open so he could see and- wait. They hadn’t covered up his eyes in this room! Ugh, he hated that they already had him relying only on the eyes in his head instead of his many other eyes.

“I’ll get to covering the markings,” Shooting Star said, pulling the duct tape out of her bag.

For the love of… whatever.

Well, before Shooting Star covered up his eyes, Bill could see they’d placed him next to the desk and that Pine Tree was balling up an article of clothing to most likely place under his head. And sure enough, Bill could feel it sliding under his head.

“I’m sure I’m fine,” Bill tried to say in an attempt to get them to stop. It didn’t work.

“You have a serious injury that’s bleeding, we can’t ignore that,” Pine Tree said, tone heavy with worry. He stroked some of the hair out of Bill’s face, the only good part about the whole mess. “We just need to check on it-”

“Oh shit!” Red suddenly yelled, looking up from her bag. “All our first aid supplies are missing!”

Surprisingly, Llama was the one who gasped in outrage. “Are you serious? Is this ghost really trying to kill Bill?”

No, it wasn’t… but that would be an interesting situation to put them in… No. No, Bill already had the romancing and betraying plan and he was sticking to it.

“It doesn’t seem like it’s bleeding that much anymore,” Bill tried to say again. He’d already fixed the wound up so hopefully they wouldn’t try anything. In fact, he  _ really _ needed them to not try anything. That’s why he got rid of all their supplies while they were too distracted by the walls and floors. He sat up and leaned back against the desk. “See? The red spot hasn’t gotten any bigger.”

“I… I’m still worried, I mean… that’s a serious wound and…” Pine Tree trailed off. His breath was getting a little quick and worry lines were starting to blend in with the natural bags under his eyes.

Bill pulled Pine Tree close so their foreheads were touching. A nice close proximity. “The fall probably just jostled it a little bit. Believe it or not I’ve actually had worse than this,” he joked lightly. And it wasn’t a total lie. He’d had his eye ripped out more than few times in the past, and that was never fun. “Trust me, I’m more concerned about the ghost-” hah “-than a wound like this. Especially when I’ve got such a caring nurse looking after me.”

Weirdly, Pine Tree didn’t react like Bill thought he would. Sure he smiled a little and blushed, but that was it! He even pulled  _ away _ from Bill and wasn’t looking at him! And he wasn’t even smiling anymore!

“If you’re sure… but… We’ve got a bigger problem,” he said solemnly.

What the hell?! What could be a bigger problem than Bill?!

“You mean aside from our friends missing, being trapped in this place, and being constantly chased by crazy creatures while Bill’s in a constant state of possibly bleeding out?” Llama asked sarcastically.

Pine Tree met her gaze evenly. “Yes.”

That shut her up.

“What we’re dealing with?” Pine Tree started off, probably more serious than Bill had ever seen him. “It’s not a ghost.”

Now everyone in the room was serious.

“Are you sure?” Red asked carefully.

“Yes.” Confident that he now had everyone’s full attention, Pine Tree relaxed a bit and started explaining himself. “First off, no ghost has this kind of expendable power. They have to save up energy because it takes an insane amount to be able to interact with our world, and when they run out they have to take from others. Are any of us tired?” The group looked at each other. No (surprisingly, gods how late was it already? Why weren’t these kids in bed?). “Have any of our batteries been drained?” …No.

Shooting Star scrunched her brow in thought. “But, Candy and Grenda-?”

“Would only have so much to give,” Pine Tree responded simply. “Not enough for a ghost to keep this up. The only actual ghost who ever came close was your mansion’s ghost,” he gestured to Llama, “who had a hundred and fifty years to save up that kind of energy.”

“So then…” Red looked like she didn’t really want to ask, “what are we dealing with?”

Pine Tree sighed, not in the serious kind of way though. “...A demon.”

Damn it all.

“How do you know?” the ever skeptical Llama asked.

“That window… I’d seen that shape before, in the closet. The one down here. At the time, I thought what I saw was just something the ‘ghost’ had conjured, but now I’m thinking that was the demon itself. No other creature this thing has created had any connection to this place. But that thing in the closet? It resembled the markings on the journal, the carvings in the walls, and the window in that room-!” Pine Tree cut himself short, as if suddenly realizing something. “My dream…”

Alright, no. That was just not fair! You weren’t supposed to  _ remember _ dreams! And if Pine Tree was talking about Bill’s true form why wasn’t he commenting on how handsome he was?! Come on! Bill was a damn good lookin’ demon!

“You never said you saw anything in that closet!” Shooting Star suddenly gasped, bringing up a separate but equally valid point. Pine Tree wasn’t allowed to use evidence that no one else knew about!

Pine Tree shrugged. “I wasn’t worried about it at the time. But if this thing really is a demon, we’re gonna have to be a lot more careful.” He turned to Bill specifically this time and started explaining casually, “They have a lot more control over their surroundings and a lot more energy to spare.”

Oh please, like Bill didn’t know the difference between ghosts and demons. You all were the ones who’d been mistaking Bill for a ghost when he was really a demon.

“So, what?” Bill shrugged like he didn’t really understand what Pine Tree was saying. He still had to act scared after all. “This means you’re not gonna sass the demon anymore?”

Llama broke out in a laugh. “What? Hell no! I’m still gonna sass the hell out of that thing! It could turn out to be a literal  _ god _ and I’d still sass it.”

Bill gasped in shock. “It could probably kill you, though!” What an idiot.

“So?” Llama scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “I gotta die at some point, and if I’m gonna die at someone else’s hands then I’m dying salty as fuck.”

…whatever.

“Don’t worry,” Pine Tree said, placing a reassuring hand on Bill’s shoulder. “We’ll get out of this.”

“How? This demon… we don’t even know what it wants.” Well,  _ they  _ didn’t but Bill certainly did. And he wasn’t about to give any hints.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pine Tree said way too nonchalantly for Bill’s tastes. “The stories here all end at some point, so we’ll just wait it out. Which could give me plenty of time to try and decode those symbols so we can find this thing’s weakness.” Then he smiled cheekily. “And see if that message of yours actually says anything.”

Pine Tree sat back against the desk next to Bill and pulled out the journal, his notebook, and a pen and got to work. The others… eh, Bill didn’t care. Let them do what they want, Bill had more important things to focus on. Like Pine Tree’s code cracking hobby.

Now… Bill wasn’t very concerned that Pine Tree would actually figure anything out. No one had ever been able to crack his personal cipher in the millennia that it’s been around! But having Pine Tree actually trying to find a way out of this or Bill’s weakness…  _ that _ he couldn’t have.

Bill scooched a little closer, so that their sides were as flush together as they could be. With a gentle hand, Bill traced Pine Tree’s startled lips with his thumb.

Pine Tree froze, pen falling from his hand. His wide eyes trailed along Bill’s arm, leading all the way up until he met Bill’s eyes. In that second that he did, Bill pulled Pine Tree forward. Closer and closer until their lips were just millimeters apart.

This time, Bill was sure it was Pine Tree who closed the gap between them.

Were human kisses really just that bad or was it Pine Tree?

In the moment, sure Bill got caught up in how close they were and how warm Pine Tree was, the way his fingers trailed along Bill’s body, the way Bill could feel his breath against his cheek, the way the rest of the world seemed to fade away the closer they were to each other…

...but looking back, again, the kisses themselves were just  _ terrible _ ! Seriously! Would that kid just loosen up a bit? And really! Pick a lip situation! Chapped or damp! Not! Both! Was this how all human kisses were or was Pine Tree just inexperienced? Bill would  _ have _ to find out before they made out next.

But for now-

Pine Tree pulled back, a nice blush on his cheeks, noticeable even in the dim lighting. “As nice as that was, I should still finish this,” he said shyly, an infuriatingly cute smile on his kissable lips.

Wait.

What….? Did… did Pine Tree just…  _ reject _ his advances?!

Pine Tree picked his pen back up, leaving a completely dumbfounded Bill behind.

How?! Bill was literally the most attractive human he could possibly make! He was throwing affection at Pine Tree left and right! Not to mention Pine Tree was a young human male! Weren’t they basically hardwired to always want to fuck something regardless of the situation or what it is?! Pine Tree should’ve been all over Bill!

Down but not out, the hand Bill still had on Pine Tree’s leg started drawing light patterns along the fabric. Hard enough to be felt, but light enough to just feel like a little tickle.

Pine Tree relaxed a little more into Bill’s arms, but didn’t look up from that damned journal. So Bill danced his fingers up Pine Tree’s thigh, the touches getting a little harder as they got a little closer to something  _ else _ -

Pine Tree closed his legs tight, pushing Bill’s hand away.

“Come on, Bill,” he whispered almost desperately, frantically checking to make sure his friends weren’t watching. Luckily for him they hadn’t been. Pine Tree gave Bill a pleading stare.  “Do you really think now is the time to get up to something like that?”

“I can’t help it…” Bill murmured into Pine Tree’s ear, lips grazing along the outer shell. “You’re too beautiful.”

Bill could feel Pine Tree holding back. “And we’re trapped in a small, enclosed room with my friends and  _ sister _ because we’re hiding from a vengeful demon hell bent on kidnapping us all.” He raised a good point, but not good enough. But then Bill could feel Pine Tree’s insecurities rising through. “Plus I… I just…” Bill pulled back to see Pine Tree biting his lip, refusing to meet Bill’s eyes. “I’m not comfortable with  _ that _ yet…”

Damn it… 

Bill was actually kind of looking forward to possibly having sex, seeing as that’s one of the few human sensations he hasn’t experienced yet. But whatever.

Bill smiled before pulling his hand away to intertwine it with Pine Tree’s.

“Alright.”

He squeezed Pine Tree’s hand tightly. At least this way Pine tree wouldn’t be able to write anything-

Wait a minute.

Bill frowned as he watched Pine Tree continue to write with his other hand. Then he laughed a little nervously, “You, uh… You’re left handed?”

“Huh? Oh! No, I’m actually ambidextrous,” Pine Tree explained with a little smile.

Oh,  _ come ON _ !

Well whatever, Bill needed to figure out the rest of his back up plan anyway.

Getting comfy, Bill leaned against Pine Tree even more and let his head rest on his shoulder. He could feel Pine Tree lean against into it as well and a soft squeeze to their interlocked hands. Bill closed his eyes, feigning sleep.

He’d get them all soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by my eternal frustration over Bill making the conscious decision in the show to have furniture made of living human skin. WHY. WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT. IT'S SO INCONVENIENT TO TAKE CARE OF.
> 
> Also I've reached the end of what I'd actually had semi plotted out and now have to plot out what's basically the rest of the story (not too many chapters left now!) so... I'm really hoping it doesn't take too long for me to update again...
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented/kudosed! You're validation and support means the world to me!

**Author's Note:**

> Like, subscribe, comment, whatever, all that jazz
> 
> I hope you all liked it! And if you want to find me elsewhere, my tumblr is the same name as my ao3 name.


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